We already laughed about the cute secrets women keep.
That was child’s play.
I said I’d write about the darker secrets one day, and the day has come!
The darker things.
The thoughts and behaviors most women bury deep because……
9 Dark Secrets Almost Every Woman Keeps
1. Regretting Choices She Can’t Admit Publicly
Regret is a shadow companion for many women, and it is not always about wanting a new life.
Sometimes it’s just mourning the life you’ll never have
Some women regret giving up their dreams/career to be a wife and mother, and it’s probably one of the most common regrets women have.
I made up my mind early never to have this kind of regret because, as much as I love being a wife and mom, that’s just a part of my identity, not the totality of my life.
If I’m nothing outside of being a wife and mom, I’d be the most miserable woman alive.
Some women regret the men they married, the sacrifices they made for love, or even motherhood itself.
Yes, some women secretly regret having kids.
Yes, they love their children more than life itself, but motherhood is no walk in the park.
I know this because I’ve got two amazing children, and I’m grateful to God daily for them.
Motherhood changes your life in ways you can never imagine, and even when it’s positive, you still feel the weight.
And when it’s negative, you’d wish you had never had the sex that produced those children.
But how do you say you regret these without people crucifying you or thinking you are just ungrateful?
2. Fantasizing About Escape
This one is not the “what-if” daydream about Idris Elba proposing to you
This one is the real escape fantasy.
Many women secretly picture leaving their husband, kids, or even their entire lives behind because the weight of responsibility feels like chains.
‘I’ve heard a lot of women say, ”I wish I could just disappear.”
They imagine themselves in a small apartment, alone, free.
No kids calling “Mummy” and no husband asking “What’s for dinner?”
No one needing her 24/7.
Just peace and quiet.
Will she ever do it?
Maybe not.
But the fantasy of that escape is sometimes the only thing keeping her sane.
3. Comparing Herself Constantly
Even though we know comparison is the thief of joy… we still do it.
We know we should be happy for others, but it’s so hard not to play the comparison game when everywhere you turn…..social media, church, weddings, even the school run, somebody looks like they’re doing better than you.
No, we are not bitter, just that society never stops showing us “better.”
Better bodies on Instagram.
Better marriages on Facebook.
Better lifestyles on TikTok.
Better careers on LinkedIn.
Better better better!!!!
Sorry, I’m screaming, but one minute you’re happy with your little corner of the world, and the next minute you’re scrolling, feeling like your life is ten steps behind.
Even confident women secretly wrestle with this.
You can clap for your friend’s promotion and still feel a sharp sting in your chest because you’ve been grinding for years with nothing to show.
You can admire that influencer’s flat tummy after two kids, while quietly pinching yours in the mirror.
I do, even my son does. 😂
We’ll never admit how much comparison eats at us, because it feels shameful.
If you confess it, you’ll sound ungrateful or jealous.
And in this cancel culture, we dare not be that honest.
Anyhoo, self-love doesn’t cancel human insecurity.
4. Faking Happiness on Social Media
Smiles in the photo.
Perfect captions.
Cute couple or family photos that make others comment, ”God when?”
Hashtags like #Blessed and #CoupleGoals.
But behind the camera, it’s all tears, fights, exhaustion, and silence.
Some women curate happiness they don’t actually feel.
They’ll post anniversary pictures with glowing captions, right after slamming the bedroom door in their husband’s face.
Pretending to be okay online is easier than explaining your real pain, especially if you have built a personal brand with loyal fans who envy your life.
God forbid the world sees that the “perfect woman” is crumbling inside.
5. Regretting Intimacy (Past or Present)
Some women secretly regret the people they gave their bodies to.
They replay past encounters and wish they could erase them.
Others regret how sex has turned into a duty in marriage.
They love their husbands but resent how sex feels like a chore.
And then there are the women who regret never exploring more before settling down.
I think I belong to the last category, but I’m grateful because it made my sex life in marriage uncomplicated.
You can’t convince me that there are no negatives to sleeping with many people before getting married.
No matter how good your husband is in bed, there’s no way you won’t compare and contrast.
Maybe there’s an ex who gave you the best sex you’ve ever had in your life.
Can you confidently say that you do not think of him when you and your husband are making love?
Please tell me.
I honestly want to know.
6. Wanting to Be Desired Again
In this dating ghetto where a lot of men have commitment issues, it’s a miracle to find one who actually wants marriage, who’s serious about raising a family.
And now that you’ve got that, of course, you’re grateful.
You thank God for him because you know how rare it is.
But beyond gratitude, a woman still wants to be desired.
Not just respected as “the Mrs.” or “the mother of my children.”
She wants to be looked at the way he looked at her when they were dating, like she’s the only woman in the room.
Marriage has a way of dulling that spark.
The compliments dry up, and energy shifts from “I want you” to “I need dinner by 7.”
And even if you’re secure, even if you know he loves you, there’s a little ache inside that whispers, “But does he still want me?”
Every woman longs to be wanted like a lover, not just kept like a wife.
7. Emotional Affairs in the Mind
Some women will never cheat physically.
No, that’s too heavy and risky.
And society is not as lenient with women as it is with men when it comes to cheating.
A man cheats, and people shrug.
”That’s men for you. Men will always be men. Boys will always be boys. Men are polygamous in nature.”
A woman cheats, and they want to stone her in the town square.
So many women build their affairs in their minds instead, because it’s safer and cleaner.
Just private fantasies and secret conversations that never cross into reality.
8. Physical Affairs
Some women are daring enough to engage in sexual affairs, and it’s one of the darkest secrets women keep.
So, yes, women cheat too.
And a lot of the time, it’s not because she doesn’t love her husband, it’s because she’s starving in ways he doesn’t even notice.
Maybe it’s emotional neglect, constant disrespect, loneliness in a house full of people, or simply the thrill of feeling wanted again.
People say men cheat because they want to, and women cheat because they need to.
It might not be true for everyone, but you know….
Women can have an affair and still cook his meals, raise the kids, smile at church, and play the role of the good wife so well that nobody suspects a thing.
Not even him.
That’s the dark secret.
Women are master compartmentalizers.
We’ll keep the family life running like a well-oiled machine while secretly living a double life. 🙈
Of course, not every woman crosses that line, but more do than will ever admit.
And they’ll carry that truth to the grave, because society is much harsher on women who cheat than on men.
9. Paternity Questions
This one is the darkest of them all, and almost no woman will confess it.
This is one secret that I think is unforgivable, even as a woman,
Some women secretly know or secretly fear that the child they’re raising with their husband might not be his.
Maybe it was a mistake, a one-night slip, a season of brokenness, and she convinced herself he’d never find out.
Most times, he doesn’t.
Paternity is one of the heaviest secrets a woman can carry, because it’s tied to identity, family, and legacy.
It’s not just about her, it’s about a man believing a child is his when maybe, just maybe, he isn’t.
And unless DNA enters the chat, that secret usually stays buried forever.