No one starts a relationship with the hope that it gets sour, but things happen. At the start of a relationship, lovers share a mutual optimism that their love will be forever. However, for various reasons, relationships usually hit the rock.
Breakup is a common happening, in fact, as some relationships are getting started, some are ending. However, no matter the ubiquity of breakup, it’s still a painful experience, and nobody’s experience should be trivialized.
While some are able to get over a heartbreak, others find it difficult to achieve the same. In fact, a lady once shared how she was unable to get over a breakup even after two years. It could be that hard for some people. We can’t all be the same.
The following are helpful tips to deal with a break up.
I always tell people, ladies especially, to get a life. I mean, they should discover their passion and their natural abilities, they should find what they love to do. It’s easy getting over a breakup when your life is not revolved around a relationship.
When you have something else you derive joy in, an activity that consumes your time and energy, you’d hardly have time to sit and sulk all day over a relationship gone bad.
I’m not saying you won’t feel hurt, bad, or even cry, but diverting your energy and attention into your passion helps you to pull through. It could be your job, career, or a hobby- reading, dancing, singing, painting, cooking, cycling, games, listening to music, watching comedy shows etc. anything to distract you. You can even pick up a new skill or course to learn.
Some people even get inspired during moments like this. They turn their pains into products. Some come up with new songs, stories, books, art works, paintings etc. that turn out to be widely accepted by people.
Imagine if you have nothing to get yourself busy with.
Good Support System
Generally, a good support system is crucial to having a good life and wading through life challenges. Life is not a bed of roses. No matter how good life is, there are times the going gets tough. Since man is a social animal, we’ll always need people around us to encourage us, show us love, make us laugh, make us feel better and give us hope.
This also applies to when you are experiencing a break up. You need a good support system to make you get through it. It could be your family or your friends or both. Some are lucky to have people that love them around. Don’t shut them out during your sad moment. Let them take you out, make you laugh, talk to you and make you feel better. Don’t become a couch potato and sulk pitifully.
Like I said, it’s okay to spend some time alone crying, but let yourself heal. Don’t dwell on it. Let people help you. You need them.
Paranoid people will have a problem with this because they are too suspicious of people. They think nobody loves them and everyone is waiting for their downfall. They are loners who don’t like people around them. Some of them slip into depression and before they know it, they’ll lose it.
Yes, it’s an unfair world and there are bad people, but not everyone is bad. Everybody cannot like you, but everybody cannot hate you either. You need to strike a balance.
Don’t Ever Call or Text to Beg to be Taken Back
People going through a break up usually experience a period of denial, in fact, this is usually the first stage when someone breaks up with you. You think they are joking, that they don’t mean it. You think it’s impossible, after all the beautiful times you’ve shared together. You find it difficult to accept reality, thus, you are tempted to call and beg to be taken back. You are tempted to apologize for all the things you’ve ever done wrong and for your ex’s wrongs too. You are terrified by the loneliness that stares you in the face.
It’s okay to have these feelings but don’t give in to them. Truth is, when someone breaks up with you, their mind is mind up. No amount of begging can change their mind or bring them back. And truth is, it’ll hurt you more later that you begged to be taken back. So don’t ever call or text to beg.
You can delete phone numbers, texts, messages, do some blocking on social media platforms and delete pictures to help you overcome the temptation and to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex.
Remind Yourself of Your Ex’s Negative Qualities
This may sound funny but it works. I learnt in Psychology that our feelings are a product of our thoughts. The way you feel is determined by what you think. If you think well of a person, it’s natural to feel good about them and if you nurse negative thoughts about someone, you’ll feel bad towards them.
Remembering your ex’s negative qualities can convince you that you deserve better, thus, making you feel better. In fact, when you think of the bad ways they treated you in the relationship; it’ll make you not to desire them again, except you are obsessed with them.
Depending on how heartbroken you are and the weight of your pocket, you can plan some adventurous trips alone or with friends such as going on a vacation, visiting some new exciting places, joining a reading club, signing up at the gym.
Just expose yourself to something new and challenging.
Let me say that getting over a breakup might not be a walk in the park, it might take some time to get over it, but if you apply the tips I just shared, you’d definitely be fine with time. The power to heal lies within you. It depends on how you are willing to use it. No one can make you feel better than yourself.