I was so angry that Harriet could have the temerity, the Brazilian confidence, and the brazen audacity to ask me to convey her boyfriend to the party venue I was solely sponsoring in my car. I entered the car and left her standing there with Emmanuel.
One of her friends then stepped out of the car to appeal passionately to me. She praised me for my emotional maturity so far, she urged that i let it slide since I was the only one who could convey the guy to the venue as all my friends insisted on not allowing the guy into their cars owing to their loyalty to me their ‘Chairman’.
All her entreaties fell on deaf ears as I was becoming more hardened by the cruel treatment reeking of crass disrespect meted out to me by ‘my Harriet’. The time was fast receding to the crucibles. I moved towards Tunde, my younger friend to allow Emmanuel into his car and he agreed.
His car had 5 indecently dressed girls but I decided to substitute one of them for Emmanuel and conveyed her in my car. I conveyed Harriet in my car all the same and ignored her grudges for not acceding to her disrespectful request and out of apparent flexing of financial muscle over Emmanuel. No sooner had she stepped into my car than we zoomed off to the party venue.
We arrived the party venue in earnest. My invited elderly friends of high political and economic standing were lodged in the hotel rooms in anticipation of the arrival of women of easy virtues; masquerading as party attendees and ‘schooling whores’ shipped in from the city varsity trooped into the party venue like a legion of bees.
Just about 45minutes into the party and in the midst of blasting music played by the Disc jockey, food, pepper soup, and drinks flowing freely. Men clicked with the ladies as they paired in ‘twos’ and the ladies and people’s girlfriends began to get ‘missing’! They disappeared after negotiations with men of means into their rooms for a ‘short rest’ and overnight ‘tutorials’.
I noticed that Harriet was nowhere to be found too. I made a move to look for her. I was shocked to find her on her knees inside the hotel premises profusely begging Emmanuel who stood puffy, threatening fire and brimstone.
I stood afar watching what a low-life, non-respectable lady I was ‘tripping’ for and over-hyping! I began to philosophise that the lady a man is begging with the whole of his life and resources for a relationship is being maltreated by one useless man as a piece of shit!
My orientation began to change about the admiration of ladies for firm, mature, mysterious, ‘unkind’ and unemotional men. I contended that one man’s desire is another man’s tramp and one man’s juice was another man’s toxin!
He insulted her for keeping another man and going ahead to host a multi-hundreds-of-thousand naira birthday gig despite his meagre financial contribution for just marking the day. He was scared and dazed to find such a huge gathering of eminent personalities, an exquisite hotel venue and a whole brewery of drinks at her girlfriend’s party without his somewhat financial contribution.
Emmanuel called Harriet’s mother and reported her, sounding rude, brash, arrogant, and impudent. I was running out of patience but kept my cool until he dealt her a hot dirty slap! It was deafening and rudely awakening! She saw a million stars and was still begging him for forgiveness nonetheless.
The ‘mu+mu’ in me swiftly intervened in the fisticuff and ensuing melee telling him to calm down, have a grip on himself, and lay hold of his untameable emotions. I scolded him and reminded him that it was most ungentlemanly to lift a finger against one’s woman or any woman for that matter, let alone to do so in public. I mildly threatened him, reminding him that he was in my territory, and that I would not hesitate to deal with him If he goes beyond his bounds. He left the scene to sit under a shed where he was served cold beer by our bar-tender-turned-birthday-waitress.
Harriet wiped her tears quickly and followed me into the hall. All my invited guests who remained in the hall wanted to meet my delectable damsel who made me spend fortune in the celebration of the anniversary of her earthly advent. They were not disappointed as Harriet was such a ravishing beauty and a penetrating personality with an endearing presence and an infectious smile. She wore one of the mini gowns I bought and we took some snapshots together.
The photographer whom I contracted used three rolls of films as he captured almost everyone and every part of the event. I suddenly started feeling disinterested in the party and in the celebrant as rumor started filtering in my ears that Harriet my ‘girlfriend’ appeared in that party with her ‘real’ boyfriend. My feet began to shake like a tremor and I felt less than a man for the first time in my life. I could literally feel that everyone having innocuous conversation was discussing me. I then conversed with my legs and made a move to my hotel room to avoid any embarrassment.
I was intercepted by a barrage of guys loyal to my ‘government’ who demanded gratification for an unsolicited assignment! They intimated me about what they heard and offered ‘assistance’ to beat up, cripple, or even maim Emmanuel for being a meddlesome interloper in his girlfriend’s birthday. I was dazed beyond expression at such cruelty planned for an innocent guy unluckily dating an unfaithful lady. I pleaded on his behalf but gave them money anyway not to beat Emmanuel up and to stop him from being beaten. I later retired into the room for a nap.
I was woken up 3hours later by my elderly friend who came to ‘appease’ me over my emotional ‘misinvestment’ and misdirected affection. He and my other friends made me feel pangs of the emotional misfortune more as they jested and laughed over the issue in their intoxicated state. It got to me so much that I had to be placed on propapanol drugs to suppress the heart-break-infested depression that was soon to set in.
Whilst all these went on in the early hours, Harriet had disappeared without Emmanuel! One of the money-miss road moneybags that was invited by those I invited wielded an irresistible bribe and snatched the controversial ‘bride’ that I was slugging out with Emmanuel. I laughed heartily as if the joke was not on me.
I returned humbly after all the jeers and cheers to my flat in town. Unbeknown to me, gist had gone ahead of me to school and beyond as the new kid spendthrift on the block such that my reputation preceded me. My younger sister who lived in the same hostel as Harriet witnessed an upsurge in friendship as ladies besieged her on the presumption that If her elder brother could expend such amount of money on something as frivolous as an uncertain emotional relationship, there should be more economic water in the barn of our house.
My younger sister called me to notify me of my new ‘position’, unearned social status as an instant star and the most sought-after guy in that axis. We both laughed over it and our call was intercepted by Harriet’s call on call waiting. I had then totally resented her presence but still picked up. I asked her to meet me in school after much plea for forgiveness.
She came in company of one of her ‘Chinko’-looking friends. You can’t believe what they came to do. She came to get more money! I had withdrawn the N50,000 phone I bought for her stylishly on the ground that I wanted to buy her one of higher grade for N75,000. She asked for the pictures of the events but I refused to give them to her! They remain with me till this day as souvenirs of the experience I garnered the hard way.
I had to call my Elderly friend, Bamitale to rescue me from her bewitching claws. I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to be mean to her. He blurted out in anger on his arrival, thoroughly lashing out at her. He rained abuses on her and her accomplice. He literally chased them away like straying goats from the unguarded compound. He threatened Harriet that he would get her arrested If she ever called my number or moved 30yards close to me and they both fled!
It is very important to state that Harriet was a very pretty lady who had a sense-laxative effect on men! I traded with her without her consent. I always took her with me to the offices of political appointees, legislators, and businessmen who approved contracts for me and gave me cash gifts to convince her for a date or fling. I spent just a fraction of the manipulative proceeds on her birthday gig. In fact, I made profit in my involvement with her as she had a seed of fortune that invited economic blessings that funded her extravagance and acoustic admiration for vanity. My major grouse with her was not really her ‘double deal’ but the fact that I wouldn’t have her for keeps. I had to tell ‘plainless’ tales to those randy men who asked me about her whereabout afterwards.
Like a magnet, pretty ladies began to mill around me like bees to the honey and like flies to the sore one after the other. They all came with the mind of ‘Harrietalising’ me but it wouldn’t work. I was toughened. I had then known that ladies preferred the very good bad guys and I was then one by virtue of life’s unpleasant experience.
They were dating ‘impression’ and not me on the erroneous ground that there would be more from where the ‘Harriet-free-funds’ came from but how wrong they were. The bush meat caught the hunter as some of them spent their tuition on me with the hope that I would reciprocate, but that never happened. I was more stingy than the clingy gum.
I began to ‘mark register’ such that within 3months, I had ‘marked’ 56ladies including her friends who came to take their share of the booty! Harriet called me two weeks after her birthday saying she was feeling guilty and wanted us to get down If only to ‘compensate’ me for my being nice to her. I turned down the offer on the ground of my mixed feelings towards her and the apprehension that it might be a booby trap to extract more money from me.
Some of my proteges who knew I once dated Harriet sought my financial help to desecrate her since I was hell-bent on not condescending well enough to have a bite of her any longer. I obliged, and 8 out of 10 of them were successful! They already knew of her love for freebies, hence, took maximum advantage of her. I was more sad than content, more enraged than satisfied.
One academic session after this unforgettable experience, there was a Tsunami shake-up in the Faculty owing to irregular admission process and ‘my Harriet’ and about 50 others were affected by it. The shake-up utterly consumed her. The Faculty officer apparently was given cash and bodily gratification for her admission but didn’t perfect it. She was shown the red card when she was in 400level on the ground that she was never a bonafide student. Even without her coming to me for help, I tried all I could with my influence but it was all to no avail. The case was incurably bad. That was the last I heard of her as she vacated the school premises and I had graduated. That put paid to her tertiary education pursuit.
I later heard that she broke up with Emmanuel and got married to another Tosin apparently to keep the memories of the kind-hearted Tosin forever. I still miss Harriet and would still date a Harriet for the painful pleasure and exciting adventure. But have I really learnt my lessons?
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