People date for different reasons.
I get it.
It’d be wrong to assume that everyone dates for love.
So, yes, some people date for the sole purpose of physical intimacy.
If this is why you’re in a relationship, you can’t stop reading here. No hard feelings.
But if you want a relationship where you want to love and be loved in return, respected, and treated like the queen that you are, then you’ll want to be sure that you’re on the same page with the person you’re dating, and that he’s not using you to have a good time without your knowledge.
So, how do you know if a guy is just using you to catch fun and not really into you?
How do you know if he wants you for real or you’re just his pastime?
Here’s how to know:
#1 It’s all about physical intimacy each time you see
While it’s good to be physically and romantically attracted to each other in a relationship and want to be locked in each other’s arms every time you see, it’s a problem if getting physically intimate is all you do.
You should be exploring each other’s minds as well and not just your bodies.
There are other ways you can enjoy each other’s company without getting physically intimate.
You can go on dates, visit new places together, play games, learn new things etc.
There are lots and lots of things you can do together.
If he’s not interested in doing other things with you every time you meet except being physically intimate, you should beware.
Maybe that’s all he wants
#2 You get physically intimate wherever you meet
It’s all about physical intimacy wherever you meet.
In the car, at a party, in the office, at home, a friend’s house etc), that’s what he wants, even if you don’t.
#3 He adds nothing to your life
One of the goals of being in a relationship is to have someone to encourage and support you to achieve your life goals.
If he’s doing nothing in your life except getting physically intimate with you, that maybe all he’s there for.
He doesn’t care about your life goals, your dreams and aspirations. He doesn’t even care about your challenges.
You don’t even talk about these things, and when you do, it’s either he’s disinterested or doesn’t have anything meaningful to contribute.
#4 He boasts always of his ability to take you to cloud nine
He’s always boasting of his bedroom skills thereby making you look forward to seeing him for some action.
There should be other skills he should boast of to you.
What about leadership skill, decision making ability, financial management etc.?
What else is he bringing to the table?
#5 Your meeting place
You’re always meeting in places where getting physically intimate is easy and tempting.
A friend once asked me what a guy meant by inviting her over to his house on a first date.
She felt insulted and wondered if it was okay to feel that way.
Why his house on a first date? Why not meet elsewhere?
If he’s always suggesting that you meet in places where it’ll just be you and him, then he might have a different intention from yours.
#6 Meeting time
He always wants you to meet up late in the night when you’re too tired to have any meaningful discussion or when you’re likely to end up where you can both have some fun.
#7 Your communication
Your phone talks, chats, and messages are always about how you can’t wait to eat up each other when next you see.
Or, you keep reminiscing about the fun times you had together.
Relationship should be about getting to know each other and getting into each other’s worlds.
There are countless of things to talk about – childhood experiences, college, work, goals, dreams and aspirations, movies, opinions about different issues etc.
If you don’t seem to have anything else to talk about but your fun times, maybe that’s all there is about the relationship.
Physical intimacy is the only connection you have; that’s the only thing connecting you together.
#8 What he misses about you
The only thing he misses about you and being with you is the physical intimacy.
Is that all there is to miss about you?
What about your smiles, your laughter, your company?
Always remember that you’re a total package and you have more to offer.
#9 His availability
He’s never available when you need him, except for some action of course.
He’s never willing to do anything for you or go an extra mile to please you or make you happy except he’ll get some action in return.
#10 His mood
He’s not always happy when you turn him down.
This is how you know a guy who is really into you or just into the action.
That’s why women are advised not to give in until he’s put a ring on that finger.
If you give in to a man because you’re afraid he’ll leave, then, you’re in a wrong boat.
A man should be with you because he’s into you, not because of your coochie.
A lot of women who desire to be celibate in their relationship are subtly pressured to give in because they fear a man will leave them if they don’t give in.
I believe any man who doesn’t want you because you don’t want to be physically intimate with him yet isn’t serious about you.
Your coochie is all he wants.
Pop culture teaches us otherwise, but that’s my opinion.
You’re welcome to call me old school.
#11 Respect for your body
He’s doesn’t respect your body.
A man who loves you should respect it when you say NO.
He shouldn’t push it.
If he loves you, he’ll respect your choice and body.
#12 His plans
Not only does he not share his plans with you, but he also doesn’t include you in them, except of course it has to do with getting some action.
This is because he has no plans for you!
#13 Requests for nudes
He might request for your nudes or even suggest you record a video of your ‘actions’.
And if you refuse, there’ll be trouble in paradise.
Ladies who give in to these requests usually end up regretting because they become victims of blackmail and manipulation, especially when they want out of the relationship.
The men threaten to release their pictures and videos.
I’ve handled some real life cases myself.
That’s why I keep telling ladies not to fall into the temptation of sending intimate pictures and recording adult videos with a boyfriend.
#14 He’s not interested in you
If someone loves you, they’ll be interested in you and in knowing you more.
But someone who’s with you just to catch fun will not care about who you are or want to know you more.
A man who wants for real will be excited to crack your code each day.
#15 Your feelings
If you feel you deserve more, then you do.
If you think you deserve more, then settle for more.
Don’t allow yourself to be treated like a piece of rag.
Know what you want and don’t settle for less.