If we’re being honest with ourselves, there’s a tendency for your husband, no matter how much he loves you, to gradually shift from treating you like the woman of his dreams to treating you like a comfortable piece of furniture.
You know what I’m talking about.
I’ve been married close to a decade, so I understand that staying in love with your partner isn’t automatic.
It’s something you have to work at.
Because one day you’re the center of his universe, and the next day you feel like roommates who occasionally share a bed.
But the good news is that it’s not permanent.
The man who fell crazy in love with you is still in there, buried under mortgages, work stress, kids’ schedules, and the comfort of routine.
And with the right approach, you can wake him up.
See how:
How to Make Your Husband Love You Like He Did in the Beginning
1. Remember Who You Were When He Fell for You
This isn’t about going back to your exact weight from ten years ago or pretending you don’t have responsibilities.
God no.
I’m 4 sizes up from when I got married.
I mean reconnecting with the essence of who you were when you first captured his heart.
Maybe when you were dating, you had your own life, dreams, interests, and goals.
You were excited about things and passionate about your dreams.
You didn’t exist solely to make his life easier.
You were a whole person who chose to share her life with him, not half a person who needed him to complete her.
But in marriages, many wives lose themselves in the role of wife.
They stop pursuing their own interests, stop maintaining their friendships, and stop having goals that don’t revolve around their family.
But the woman he fell in love with was independent, fun, interesting, and full of life.
You know what?
Start reclaiming her.
That woman he fell in love with and decided to marry.
Take up that hobby you abandoned, reconnect with friends you’ve neglected, pursue that goal you put on hold.
Dare to dream again!
When you become interesting to yourself again, you become interesting to him again.
That’s the simple math.
2. Stop Managing His Life Like You’re His Mother
Many wives accidentally slip into mother mode without realizing it.
You’re reminding him about appointments, managing his schedule, picking up after him, making all his decisions, and basically treating him like he’s incapable of handling adult responsibilities.
And then you wonder why the romance is dead.
You can’t be someone’s mother and their lover at the same time.
When you manage his life, you kill the attraction because you’ve changed the dynamic from “partners” to “parent and child.”
Stop doing things for him that he can do for himself.
Stop reminding him about things he should remember.
Stop cleaning up the messes he made.
Let him be a grown man, even if that means he fails sometimes.
The man who fell in love with you didn’t need a mother; he wanted a partner.
Be that partner.
3. Bring Back the Mystery and Unpredictability
Sometimes when I wear a new outfit or have new hair, my husband asks, ”Where did you get that?”
I tell him, ”A lady doesn’t share all her secrets.”
That is me trying to hold on to a bit of mystery in a predictable and stable world of marriage.
Look, when you’re dating, there’s natural mystery because you don’t live together, you don’t know each other’s every routine, and you’re still discovering new things about each other.
Marriage removes that mystery, but it doesn’t have to remove all of it.
You don’t need to share every thought, every feeling, and every detail of your day.
You don’t need to be an open book about everything all the time.
Start having some parts of your life that are just yours.
Take a weekend trip with your girlfriends.
Start a new hobby he’s not involved in.
Have conversations and experiences that don’t include him.
I’m not saying be secretive or deceptive, but stop making your entire existence revolve around him and your family.
When you have your own life, you become more interesting to talk to and more exciting to be around.
4. Stop Criticizing and Start Appreciating
Many of us women have the tendency to complain more than we compliment.
We notice what our men do wrong more than what they’re doing right.
We point out flaws more than we praise their strengths.
And we wonder why they don’t seem excited to be around us anymore.
Criticism is an enemy of attraction.
When you were dating, you focused on what you loved about him.
Now you focus on what needs to be fixed or changed.
Start catching him doing things right and acknowledging them.
Thank him for working hard, even if you work hard too.
Appreciate him for taking out the trash, even if it’s his job.
Compliment him when he looks good, even if he’s just wearing a regular shirt.
The man you married is still worthy of praise and appreciation.
Start giving it to him again.
5. Stop Having Sex Like It’s a Chore
Men can tell when you are there but not there.
And they don’t want it.
The woman he fell in love with wanted him, desired him, and made him feel like she couldn’t get enough of him.
But now he feels like he’s bothering you when he initiates, or you’re doing him a favor when you agree.
You’d rather be doing anything else.
Just imagine what that does to a man’s confidence.
You think it’s only women who want to be desired and wanted?
If you’re not in the mood for physical intimacy, figure out why and address it.
If you’re too tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, communicate that and work together to create better conditions for connection.
But don’t keep giving him duty sex and expect him to feel loved and desired.
6. Have Your Own Opinion Again
When you were dating, you had thoughts, opinions, and preferences that weren’t just mirrors of his.
You didn’t agree with everything he said to keep the peace.
You challenged him intellectually, had debates, and brought your own perspective to conversations.
In a bid to be submissive wives, many women start agreeing with their husbands about everything, even when they don’t actually agree.
They stop expressing their honest opinions to avoid conflict.
But that woman who had her own thoughts and wasn’t afraid to express them was interesting, engaging, and intellectually stimulating.
Start being her again.
Have opinions about politics, movies, life choices, and express them respectfully.
Don’t just nod along with everything he says.
Bring something to the table besides agreement.
7. Stop Making Everything About the Kids and the House
I get it.
You have responsibilities.
You have children who need attention, a house that needs maintenance, schedules that need coordination, and a family to raise and care for.
You probably even enjoy being a homemaker.
It’s all good.
But if every conversation you have with your husband revolves around logistics, problems, and to-do lists, you’ve stopped being his wife and become his business partner.
When he comes home, don’t immediately launch into what went wrong with the kids, what needs to be fixed in the house, and what needs to happen tomorrow.
Ask about his day first.
Share something interesting that happened to you.
Talk about things that aren’t related to your responsibilities.
Remember, you were a couple before you were parents, and you need to nurture that relationship independently of your roles as mom and dad.
8. Flirt with Your Own Husband
When was the last time you flirted with him?
When was the last time you sent him a text that had nothing to do with errands or the family?
When was the last time you touched him affectionately when you weren’t about to have sex?
When was the last time you gave him that look that says you find him attractive?
You used to flirt with this man constantly when you were dating.
You touched him when you talked, you gave him compliments, and you made him feel desired and wanted.
Unlike now, when you interact with him like he’s your roommate.
Start flirting with your husband again.
Send him flirty texts during the day.
Touch his arm when you’re talking.
Compliment his appearance.
Make him feel like you still find him attractive and desirable, not just useful.
Making your husband love you like he did in the beginning isn’t about changing who you are or becoming fake.
It’s about remembering who you were when love was new and reclaiming the parts of yourself that got lost in the routine of married life.
Treating your marriage like the priority it is instead of letting it run on autopilot while you focus on everything else.
It’s about being the kind of woman you’d even want to be married to.
You were that woman once.
Become her again!