Just as you know, a marriage is over when a couple starts doing some things, and it’s also over when they stop doing some things.
I don’t intend to make this intro long, so let’s get into it.
Know Your Marriage Is Over If You and Your Husband Stop Doing These 5 Things
1. You Don’t Fight Anymore
Lord knows I don’t like confrontation.
I value my peace and don’t like a tense atmosphere, but that doesn’t mean I sweep issues under the carpet in my marriage.
I’ve accepted that conflicts are inevitable in every relationship, and I’m here for it.
However, constant conflicts are what I don’t agree with.
Fighting about everything is unhealthy, but then, not fighting at all is a problem too.
By fight, I don’t mean screaming matches or toxic arguments where someone’s calling names or bringing up stuff from 2015.
I mean passionate disagreements, where you love your spouse enough to disagree with them in love.
When you stop fighting, it’s not because you’ve achieved some zen level of compatibility.
It’s because one or both of you has decided the other person isn’t worth the emotional energy anymore, so you can’t even be bothered to disagree.
If you can watch your husband/wife make a decision that affects your whole family, and you just shrug, or they say something that hurts you, and you can’t even muster up the energy to challenge them….
Darling, your marriage is already over.
You’re just still living together.
2. You’ve Stopped Thinking About Future Together
My husband and I love our children more than life itself, but we also look forward to them not being under our watch 24/7 so we can travel the world together.
I don’t ever want to imagine my life now or later without my companion.
It’s scary.
I don’t think anyone in a happy marriage wants that.
So if you or your husband now envision a future without each other, y’all better start talking now because you are done.
You are just sharing a house.
Do you know that many people are only waiting for their children to be off to college before serving their spouse divorce papers?
Why would that be if the marriage hasn’t been long dead?
3. You’ve Stopped Touching Each Other (And I Don’t Just Mean Sex)
There’s this thing my ex used to do, and I told my husband about it as well. 🙈
Weird, I know, but my husband and I talk about things most couples would rather split than talk about.
Anyway, I love it when I’m in the kitchen, either cooking or doing the dishes, and you hug me from the back.
It’s just so comforting and intimate.
I love it!
No, it doesn’t lead to the bedroom, if that’s what you are thinking. 🙄
Not every touch does.
That’s to tell you that touch is key in a marriage, and it’s not just sex.
Sex is important, but the non-sexual touch, the ones you don’t even think about, is proof that you have a great marriage.
The random hugs, the goodbye kiss before and after work, sitting next to each other on the couch instead of on opposite ends, reaching for his hand in the car, him reaching for your thighs while driving, cuddling in bed….
Come on, I mean…..
All these make marriage fun.
When these things stop, or you actively avoid physical contact, that’s your body telling you what your mind might not want to accept yet.
And before you say, “Well, we’re just not touchy-feely people,”…
I hear you, but you know there’s a difference between not being overly affectionate and actively avoiding contact.
You know it.
4. You’ve Stopped Defending Each Other
Even as a friend, if someone talked shit about your friend, you’d defend them.
Your friend might even be at fault, but you’d defend them anyway because you love your friend.
Now imagine someone badmouthing someone you are supposed to love the most, and you keep quiet.
You don’t care about defending their honor.
In fact, your friends and family could call your spouse useless, and you’d agree, and even supply them with more derogatory adjectives.
That’s when you should know it’s over.
5. You’ve Stopped Trying
This is the one that encompasses everything else.
I always say how someone feels about you is revealed in their effort.
If you and your husband have stopped doing the things that should make your marriage solid, what other sign do you need to know you guys are over, but you are technically married?
You’ve stopped trying to make each other laugh, stopped planning date nights, stopped asking about each other’s day, stopped saying “I love you”, stopped apologizing when you’re wrong, stopped celebrating each other’s wins……
Like you’ve literally stopped doing the maintenance work that keeps a marriage alive.
It’s not that you’re too busy or too tired.
You’ve just decided it’s not worth it anymore.
The effort has dried up because the love has dried up.
And it’s so sad to see.
Imagine couples who used to stay up late talking about nothing and everything now scrolling on their phones in bed, backs to each other, living parallel lives under the same roof.
I’m not saying that if you’ve stopped doing one of these things, your marriage is automatically doomed.
Life happens; seasons of disconnection are normal.
But if you’re reading this and you feel that sick recognition in your stomach, thinking “well damn, that’s us”, then you need to make a choice.
Either you fight like hell to get these things back, or you be honest with yourself about what’s really happening here.
Because a marriage doesn’t end when someone files for divorce. It ends long before that.
You can be married for years after your marriage is already dead.
Please wake up and do something!
It’s not over until you both say it’s over.