A mistress is supposed to be a secret lover, a side chick, a temporary fling…
So why would a man go and commit a double betrayal by falling in love with his mistress?
As if it’s not enough that you are cheating, you go ahead and catch feelings for her.
We need to know why.
6 Reasons Men Fall in Love with Their Mistresses
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She Meets Emotional Needs He Feels Ignored At Home
You think women are the only ones who have emotional needs?
No, ma’am.
Men have them too, whether they admit it or not.
Society might paint men as tough beings who don’t need to talk about their feelings, but they do have emotional needs.
So when a man feels emotionally ignored at home, he may find solace in the arms of his mistress.
Maybe his wife is too busy juggling work, kids, and the chaos of daily life to notice that he’s struggling.
Being a wife and mom is not a piece of cake in this time and age.
I’m one too, so I know what I’m saying.
Okay, so the man starts to feel invisible as if his thoughts and feelings don’t matter anymore.
And instead of talking to his wife about it like a decent man should, he takes the ”easy” way out, getting a side piece.
Why won’t he fall in love with her when she’s not distracted by screaming kids or a mountain of laundry?
Why won’t he catch feelings when he gives him her full attention, listening to him like her life depends on every word, nodding at the right moments, and making him feel like the best thing since grilled chicken?
She makes him feel like his stories are fascinating, his jokes are hilarious, and his problems are valid.
It doesn’t end there.
How about the way she looks at him?
Leaning in when he’s talking and making him feel like he’s her priority at that moment.
Mere writing this, I’m already intoxicated by her. lol
Now you understand why a man can mistake this attention for love and not want to let go.
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She’s Non-Judgmental
The last person to be judgmental is a mistress.
Hello… how can you be judgmental when you’re with another woman’s husband?
So, naturally, she won’t criticize him or point out his flaws.
Instead, she’s more likely to listen, nod, and let him feel like he’s perfect just the way he is.
Cancel culture is a thing, but not in the arms of a mistress.
I find this cancel culture highly hypocritical, by the way.
We all make mistakes, yet we’re so quick to judge and “cancel” someone for theirs.
But a mistress knows no one is perfect, and she’s not looking for perfection in her affair partner.
This is where many men feel the “peace” they claim to find in these situations.
At home, a wife might call out bad habits, demand accountability, or express frustration when he doesn’t pull his weight.
But with the mistress?
No such thing.
Nada!
She’s not sharing the real-life responsibilities that require tough conversations, so there’s no reason for her to nag, complain, or criticize.
In this judgment-free zone, he feels accepted.
He can vent about his job, insecurities, or even his marriage, and she won’t challenge him or make him feel inadequate.
Instead, she’ll stroke his ego with lines like,
“You’re doing the best you can.”
“It’s not your fault.”
”I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you.”
Who wouldn’t love that?
This lack of judgment becomes addictive because it makes him feel good about himself, even when he knows he’s wrong.
It’s not love; it’s relief.
Relief from accountability, responsibility, and life’s hard truths.
Because marriage is hard!
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She Makes Him Feel Wanted
Do you know that most men are likelier to impress a mistress than their wives?
With a mistress, he gets to play the role of the charming man again, the guy who’s still got it.
She makes him feel wanted in a way that strokes his ego and reminds him of what it felt like in the early days of his relationship when everything was new and fun.
At home, the vibe might be different.
His wife has seen him in every possible state: grumpy in the morning, stressed over bills, and maybe even wearing the same t-shirt for three days straight.
The mystery is gone.
This is why some men are scared of marriage.
They fear losing their independence, their sense of self, and the rush of adrenaline that comes with someone new.
I still remember how falling in love with someone new feels.
In marriage, you have to work extra hard to fall in love with the same person over and over again.
It’s a commitment that requires diligence, determination, patience, and understanding.
But with a mistress, it’s like he’s stepping into a fantasy.
She takes him back to the exciting days of courtship, where everything is new and thrilling.
There’s no responsibility, no bills to pay, no mundane tasks to complete together.
Just stolen moments filled with passion and desire until he starts to believe, “She wants me because I’m desirable.”
The mistress, of course, plays her part perfectly, showering him with attention and admiration, knowing it keeps him hooked.
5. She’s Always “Perfect” in Small Doses
There’s a lot of “see-finish” in marriage.
You know, that point where you’ve seen each other in every unflattering light possible.
Bad moods, bed hair, mismatched pajamas, and all the things that come with living together for years.
While this is the beauty of marriage, I mean…
You don’t have to pretend you don’t snore or have morning breath in front of your partner; it can also lead to a lack of excitement and mystery.
This is why some men develop feelings for the other woman.
She’s always “perfect” because she only exists in small doses.
The husband only sees her when he wants to.
He doesn’t see her without makeup or on a bad hair day.
She’s always dressed up, smelling nice, and ready to impress.
There’s no waking up to her snoring or arguing over who left the dishes in the sink.
He’s experiencing her in small, controlled doses that make her seem perfect.
Familiarity, they say, breeds contempt.
Since a mistress isn’t familiar, she’s always exciting and new.
Because as we all know, no one is perfect.
6. She Reflects His Unmet Fantasies
Being married doesn’t mean you can’t have fantasies or desires that you haven’t fulfilled.
Sometimes, we don’t end up with people who match our deepest desires and fantasies.
Maybe your husband has always had a thing for brunettes, but you’re a natural blonde.
Or he fantasizes about more adventurous sex than what you usually have together.
Maybe the mistress is stylish and wears bold colors and heels, while like me, you have traded your stilettos for comfortable flats after years of marriage.
Your husband may believe that the mistress is everything he’s ever wanted.
Trust the madam mistress to know how to play her part well.
You know the crazy thing here?
The man might be projecting his own desires onto her.
She may not even be that adventurous or aligned with his fantasies, but he’s too caught up in the illusion to notice.
The reasons men fall for their mistresses often have less to do with the woman herself and more with what she represents.
Escape, novelty, validation, a reflection of unmet needs….
So, it’s not always about love; it’s about chasing a feeling that seems lost in the routine of daily life.
Affairs might be fun, but they don’t usually end well…
Cheating always comes with a cost: broken trust, shattered families, and the realization that the grass isn’t as green as it looked from a distance.
The fantasy fades, and reality eventually catches up.
Your grass will be green if you water it.
Cheating is never the answer.