When I was single, I was scared of marriage.
I’d heard countless stories of pain and regret from married people, and honestly, I didn’t want to become part of those statistics.
I love love.
I had always dreamed of getting married and having my own family, but that didn’t diminish the fear inside my heart.
What exactly was I scared of?
Mostly, I was terrified of marrying the wrong man.
Even scarier was the idea that I could marry a man who seemed wonderful at first, only to have him completely change later on.
As a Christian, I knew I couldn’t carry this fear alone, so I laid it all down at God’s feet, trusting that He truly cared (and still does care) deeply for me.
When I finally met my husband, I knew it was a risk.
But I prayed earnestly, asking God to guide me and ensure I wouldn’t make a mistake in choosing my life partner.
It’s been eight years, fam!
Has it been an easy ride?
Absolutely not.
Is my husband perfect?
Nope.
Who is anyway?
But I don’t have a bad husband.
So yeah, your husband might not be perfect, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s bad.
So, what are the signs of a bad husband?
Read on:
6 Signs of a Bad Husband
1. He Never Takes Responsibility
Fine, everyone makes mistakes.
However, what truly defines an adult is taking responsibility.
A husband who never takes responsibility is not just frustrating; he’s draining.
You forget something?
You apologize.
He forgets something?
The dude blames you.
Somehow, it’s always your fault.
Either you distracted him, didn’t remind him, or didn’t say it “clearly enough.”
And before you know it, you start second-guessing yourself and constantly trying to over-explain simple things just so you’re not blamed again.
It’s exhausting.
Marriage is not for children in grown-up bodies.
When a man messes up and can’t say “I was wrong, I’m sorry,” you, the wife, are in trouble, my dear.
You’ll feel like you’re always the problem when really, he’s just refusing to grow up.
I’ve seen this play out in marriages where the woman carries the emotional weight of the entire relationship, while the man simply coast.
No reflection, no repentance, just deflection.
And the longer it goes on, the heavier it becomes because you’re not just dealing with his mistakes, you’re dealing with his refusal to own them.
A good husband is not a perfect man, but he’s a man who owns up when he falls short.
That’s how trust is built.
That’s how love grows, and that’s what makes marriage work.
There’s no how you won’t have a one-sided marriage if one partner refuses to take responsibility all the time.
2. He Doesn’t Respect You
I know we’ve heard all our lives that women want love and men want respect.
Well, I don’t want love that’s devoid of respect.
Because what is love, really, if it constantly makes you feel small and ridiculed?
Some men think respect is only what they deserve, and that’s the beginning of the problem.
Respect is not just about using polite words.
It’s not about opening doors or calling you “baby” in public.
Real respect shows up in how he listens when you speak.
It shows in how he includes you in decisions.
It’s in the way he doesn’t interrupt you mid-sentence like your voice doesn’t matter.
It’s in how he doesn’t roll his eyes when you express your feelings or mock your dreams like they’re unrealistic.
I’ve seen women shrink themselves because their husbands make them feel like they talk too much or aren’t smart enough.
And yet these same men go out and give the world their best version, while their wives get the leftovers.
That’s not respect.
A man who respects you values your opinion, even when he doesn’t agree with it.
He defends you behind your back, and he doesn’t talk down at you, especially not in front of others.
If you constantly feel belittled and dismissed, that’s not love.
I don’t care how many designer bags and shoes he buys for you.
3. He Lies Constantly
You may have seen this quote somewhere: ‘Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.’
And I agree 100%.
You might think, ‘ Well, it’s just lies; at least it’s better than cheating. ‘
Hehehe. I laugh in Chinese.
Because what do you think cheating is built on?
Lies.
Lies are the bedrock of betrayal.
It starts with “I forgot to mention,” then moves to “It’s not what you think,” and before you know it, you’re living with a man you can’t even believe when he says “Good morning.”
Let me tell you, lies are not small.
Lies are loud.
They scream I don’t respect you enough to tell you the truth.
Some women cannot even ask simple questions like “Where are you?” without being made to feel paranoid or controlling.
And yet, they know something isn’t right.
But because their husbands continue to lie with confidence, they begin to doubt themselves instead.
That’s how lies work; they don’t just hide the truth, they mess with your mind.
And when someone lies to you over and over, it’s not about the lie anymore, it’s about how little they value your trust.
If a man can lie comfortably, he can hurt you comfortably too.
And that’s a dangerous place to be.
4. He’s Verbally or Emotionally Abusive
You know the scary thing about verbal and emotional abuse?
It doesn’t leave physical scars.
You won’t walk around with bruises on your skin, but the bruises on your soul?
Oh sis, they’re there.
And they’re deep.
The worst part is how silent it starts.
A sarcastic comment here.
A public joke at your expense.
Before you know it, you begin to shrink.
You stop talking as much.
You no longer believe in yourself.
I remember a woman I once worked with.
Brilliant, smart, beautiful, funny, full of life.
But every time her husband called her, her whole energy would shift.
She’d go quiet and tense.
She once told me, “He’s never hit me. He just… knows how to say things that make me feel stupid.”
And that’s the thing.
Verbal and emotional abuse doesn’t always shout, but it ruins your self-esteem.
It destroys your soul.
It makes you feel small, even if you are a boss at work.
Any relationship that makes you feel constantly anxious, small, unworthy, or scared to speak is not love.
That’s emotional warfare.
And no woman should be living inside that kind of storm and calling it marriage.
5. He Doesn’t Support Your Dreams
As a woman who is very ambitious, I can’t imagine marrying a man who doesn’t support my dreams.
Like, what then is the point?
What’s the point of building a life with someone who doesn’t believe in the very things that make your eyes light up?
If I have to keep shrinking my dreams to keep a man comfortable, then I might as well be single and free.
Because love without support?
It’s just noise.
I’ve met women who were once so full of fire, actresses, writers, designers, business owners, big dreamers.
Then they married men who couldn’t handle their shine.
Men who felt threatened by their success or simply uninterested in what made them come alive.
And slowly, they began to dim their own lights just to make the marriage “work.”
Nah.
If your husband can’t clap when you win, encourage you when you’re tired, or push you when you feel like giving up, what exactly is he doing?
Love isn’t just about sweet words and physical affection or making babies.
It’s about seeing your wife as someone with a calling and a purpose, and standing beside her, not in her way.
I want the kind of marriage where I can talk about a crazy idea at 2 a.m. and instead of shutting me down, he says, “How can I help?”
Because honestly, the right man doesn’t compete with your dreams; he carries them with you.
6. He’s Financially Irresponsible
There’s a difference between not being good with money and letting your wife handle the budgeting, and being outright financially reckless.
One is partnership.
The other is a crisis waiting to happen.
See, I don’t mind helping my husband track expenses or even doing the bulk of the financial planning if that’s what works for us.
But what I cannot sign up for is a man who spends carelessly, hides money matters, or lives like life is one big YOLO moment with no savings, no plan, and no sense.
Can’t be me anyway, because my husband is more prudent than me.
I know a woman who found out her husband had taken a loan without telling her.
That kind of financial irresponsibility isn’t just stressful, it’s disrespectful, and it puts the entire family at risk.
A bad husband will prioritize flashy wants over family needs.
He’ll hide debts, lie about income, spend recklessly, and then get defensive when you ask simple questions like, “What happened to the money?”
And then, to crown it all, he’ll say something like, “You worry too much.”
Really?
If you’re building with someone who keeps tearing down the financial foundation, how long can the structure really stand?
Money isn’t everything, it affects everything.
A bad husband doesn’t always look bad on the outside.
Sometimes, he’s well-spoken, handsome, charming, and loved by everyone but at home, he’s something else.
That’s why it’s so important to look beyond the surface and ask yourself how your marriage feels when nobody else is watching.
Does it feel safe?
Does it feel supportive?
Do you feel loved?
Do you feel seen, respected, and valued?
Because love alone is never enough.
A man can say “I love you” every single day and still treat you like you don’t matter.
If you can relate to these signs, I empathize with you.
I urge you to talk to your husband and express how you truly feel.
Don’t water it down.
Don’t tiptoe.
Be honest because your peace matters.
And if he’s willing to listen, to grow, and to change, then that’s a start.
But if he keeps gaslighting, deflecting, and dismissing your pain, you may need to ask yourself some hard questions about what you want the rest of your life to look like.
Marriage is not meant to be endured; it’s meant to be enjoyed.
Yeah, there will be tough times, but that’s different from having a bad husband.
I’m rooting for you!