One day, I was talking to a girl, and she mentioned something that left me speechless.
Here’s what she said…
“I don’t really care if my man is cheating. I just want to know I am the main woman. Men will always cheat”.
When I heard this, I froze in shock: Never in my life have I ever heard such a silly take.
Dear ladies and women, don’t ever let anyone convince you that cheating is second nature to men and that you can only be resigned to the fact that it will happen, regardless of what you do.
It’s not true.
Cheating is a terrible act that should be condemned by everyone.
The truth is that I usually don’t even bother to categorize cheating.
This is because, whether it is emotional or physical, cheating is damaging and painful to any relationship.
It is a terrible betrayal of trust that usually leaves you wondering if you could ever trust another man again.
Worse yet, it leaves you doubting yourself, beating yourself up for not noticing the signs, and wondering how things would have turned out if only you had seen the signs for what they were.
The truth is that emotional cheating usually starts subtly, making it really hard to detect until the emotional distance becomes really obvious.
However, there are some suspicious behaviors men exhibit right from the start of an emotional affair.
Let’s examine these behaviors together…
8 Behaviors Husbands Exhibit When They’re Emotionally Cheating
1. He becomes increasingly secretive
A major sign of an affair is secrecy.
Any man who is acting increasingly secretive has something to hide.
It’s just that simple.
So, one of the behaviors men exhibit when having an emotional affair is the fact they become very secretive.
They start treating their phone like appendages and must go everywhere with them.
Sincerely, I have seen men take their phones into the shower.
They are so protective of their phones.
The first time I saw a man do it, I was surprised.
I asked him what he needed his phone for in the shower.
His response was, “It’s not about what I need it for; it’s about what I am preventing.”
Well, he didn’t need to explain further.
As a “sharp guy,” I understood what he talked about.
He didn’t want his girlfriend snooping through his phone when he was taking a shower because it had stuff that could cause problems on his phone.
I wondered why his girlfriend didn’t notice his strange behavior; I guess she did, but probably explained it away.
When a man is emotionally cheating, he may also change his passwords.
So, if you knew his passwords before and they are no longer working, it’s probably a sign that there are now things on the phone that you shouldn’t see.
It’s not just these alone.
He may also take secret calls in odd places and at odd times.
I remember having a girlfriend as a kid and having to talk to her in the wardrobe just to avoid being discovered by my parents.
I wasn’t too young then, but I felt like I couldn’t talk freely with my girlfriend in front of my parents.
So, if your husband’s actions remind you of a young boy sneaking around, making secret calls, and hiding his phone from you, it is a sign that he is emotionally cheating.
2. He compares you to a particular woman frequently
If you are beginning to get the feeling that nothing you do satisfies your husband, it could be a sign that something is wrong somewhere.
Don’t just take his dissatisfaction at face value if the criticisms and comparisons are constant.
No wife can be so terrible that her husband doesn’t even have one moment when he appreciates her, except she is intentionally pushing him away.
So, if you are doing your best in your marriage, but your husband always finds something to criticize and someone to compare you with, it is a red flag.
This is especially true if he seems to be comparing you with just one person.
“Why can’t you dress well like Jane? You always look so shabby”.
“I am sure Jane cooks far better food than this.”
“Why do you keep on embarrassing me among my friends? Can’t you see the way Jane comports herself?”
When you start hearing such things from your husband, you need to be alert.
Something is either going on between him and the other woman, or they may be on the brink of it.
Sometimes, the comparisons may not be as obvious as the examples above.
They may be subtle, like praising her qualities or achievements, which can make you feel inadequate.
For instance, he may say something like, “Do you know Jane has a PhD, and she isn’t even up to 30 years old? She is so brilliant.”
This praise can make you feel inferior if you haven’t attained so much academically.
It is especially terrible if he repeats it all the time.
It is usually not just innocent praise.
It may be a sign of something much more sinister going on.
3. He is always on his phone
Most of the time, I work from my phone.
So, I spend a lot of time on my phone.
Even at that, I have periods when I don’t touch my phone for hours at a stretch.
Apart from the fact that the blue light affects me, and it seems that my anti-blue light glasses do everything except protect my eyes from blue light, I just realized that using your phone for too long can distract you from the things that truly matter.
Family!
Friends!
So, yes, I take time off to spend with my family and friends.
I take time off to meditate and plan for the future.
I take time off to pray.
If your husband appears to be glued to his phone screen, it could be a sign that someone has his attention.
Spending an unusual amount of time on his phone or computer, especially late at night, can be a sign of emotional cheating.
He is most likely engaging in deep conversations with someone else and forming emotional connections with the person.
I remember having a lady I often communicated with, even when I had a girlfriend.
I could literally ignore my girlfriend’s messages because I was engaged in a “serious” conversation with the other lady.
My defense was usually the seriousness of whatever conversation I was having with her.
But, truth be told, I was already falling for her.
Because of this, I started feeling almost nothing for my girlfriend.
It’s weird, but that’s how an emotional affair starts.
I wasn’t doing anything but talking to the other lady, but I was neglecting my girlfriend and her feelings.
If your husband is so glued to his phone screen that he hardly pays any attention to you, it is one of the behaviors men exhibit when they are emotionally cheating.
4. He no longer communicates
A reduction in communication is usually a terrible sign in any relationship.
I have friends with whom I have reduced communication, and now, we are a little more than strangers.
We meet and gist, but we literally know nothing about each other’s lives.
We may talk about how we still have chemistry and a good rapport, but the truth is that our relationship is no longer what it used to be.
In marriage, it’s worse.
A reduction in communication can spell the end of the marriage if it is allowed to continue for a long time.
Marriage is meant to be a deeply intimate relationship, and if it ever begins to look like you don’t know much about what is going on in your husband’s life, it is a sign that something is wrong.
If your husband is less responsive to your attempts at conversations and seems generally disinterested in anything you have to say while he spends so much time on the phone, it could be a sign that he is having an emotional affair.
Being disinterested in discussing topics that used to matter to both of you is a behavior men exhibit when they are emotionally cheating.
It just feels like your husband no longer has the desire to talk to you, and whenever he talks to you, it feels really forced.
5. He avoids intimacy
Intimacy can be great with someone you love.
Personally, I have issues being intimate with someone I don’t love.
If I don’t like someone, I won’t even let them hold my hands.
Not everyone is like this, though.
Some people can still tolerate some form of intimacy with others even when they are no longer emotionally connected.
However, even men like these still exhibit some level of reluctance to be physically intimate with their wives when they are having an emotional affair.
If you are really sensitive, the few times you have sex with a man who is emotionally cheating, you will realize that his mind isn’t in what he is doing.
He is just going through the motions mechanically without involving his emotions because he is emotionally invested elsewhere.
If a man is emotionally investing in someone else, he might withdraw from intimate moments with you.
So, if this is happening in your marriage, you may need to start considering the fact that your husband may just be having an emotional affair.
6. He has unexplained mood swings
I used to joke about the fact that guys don’t have mood swings.
But the truth is we actually have mood swings.
The only difference is that we try to bottle it up and do something to take our mind off what we are going through.
I have mood swings.
I can be excited one moment and tired the next.
It’s something my friends are used to.
They are used to me going silent suddenly and just looking moody after being the life of the party for some time.
When I had that emotional entanglement with that lady, I had several mood swings.
I would feel really happy when I was talking to the other lady, but talking to my girlfriend felt like a chore, and it was evident in my expression.
I was moody with her for no reason other than the fact that she wasn’t the other lady.
If your husband acts all elated and excited when talking to someone else but treats you with irritation, it is a sign that he could be having an emotional affair.
7. He suddenly has new interests and hobbies
There is nothing wrong with your husband developing new interests and hobbies.
It’s just one of the things that happens in life.
Change!
However, if he starts involving himself in activities he never cared about before, it could be a sign that he is having an emotional affair.
I remember watching anime series just because the other lady loved them.
The truth is that I actually vowed to never watch them.
I love cartoons, but I usually draw a line when it comes to Japanese animations.
Until I met that lady and boom!
She had me doing the one thing I had never done.
I was watching anime.
If your husband suddenly develops new hobbies and interests, especially interests that he seemed averse to in the past, it could be a sign that he is trying to impress someone or connect with the other person.
This can leave you wondering about the sudden change.
So, pay attention…especially if this occurs alongside the signs listed above.
8. He is defensive
Defensiveness has always been a suspicious behavior.
It almost always signifies that someone has something to hide.
If your husband acts defensively when confronted about his behavior, it could be a red flag.
This is especially true if you ask him in a calm manner.
If you confront him aggressively, you shouldn’t complain if he acts defensively.
However, if you ask him about his behavior calmly and he reacts defensively, it could be a sign that you are on to something.
The truth is that when a man is guilty, even the most innocent questions may seem like accusations to him.
If he accuses you of being paranoid and distrustful because you asked him simple questions about who he talks to all the time or his whereabouts, it could be a sign that he is having an emotional affair and trying to deflect attention from himself.
The truth is that emotional cheating can destroy the foundation of trust in a relationship.
It is a terrible thing to do.
Recognizing these signs in your marriage can help you nip the problem in the bud before it becomes something really big.
Communicate openly with your husband with a mindset of working on your relationship issues.
Share your fears with him and listen to his perspective.
The fact is that most husbands will not admit to being in an emotional affair, but by talking to him this way, you may have succeeded in reminding him of the bond you used to share.
This may motivate him to work on improving the marriage instead of nursing an emotional bond with another woman.
A Little Note To The Men
Dear husbands, the truth is that you may not have planned the emotional affair.
Emotional affairs are subtle and can take you unawares.
I know you didn’t even do anything physical with her, but the truth is that you had already thought of it.
I am not going to bash you.
I am just going to advise you to distance yourself from any woman whose company you are beginning to enjoy more than your wife’s.
It wouldn’t end well if you don’t.
Emotional affairs usually start with you spending more time communicating with another woman than with your wife.
Ensure that this never happens.