Many women desire to be wives and marry, but few are smart wives.
And I get it.
Some people go into marriage with all sorts of ideologies about it, some cultural, traditional, or even societal.
That is why I have written this article to guide you.
Smart wives don’t yield to societal and cultural expectations without considering the big picture.
You may have been dropping the ball in your wifely duties, but read on to learn about the mistakes smart wives never make in marriage.
It promises to be an insightful read!
12 Mistakes Smart Wives Never Make In Marriage
1. They never act like a second-class citizen in the marriage
Marriage is beautiful, especially when it is to the right person, but smart wives never act as if their husbands are a trophy and their marriage is an award of excellence.
Smart wives are women who know their value and don’t shrink themselves for their husbands.
Neither do they act like second-class citizens in their marriages.
There have been stories online about women who, after marriage, signed off every property to their husbands and bought new properties only in their husbands’ names.
Most of such women eventually end up in tears because the men take over their properties and sideline them.
The lesson here is not to be suspicious of your husband but to quit acting like a second-class citizen in the marriage.
Most of these actions are sponsored by traditional and cultural mindsets.
Smart wives are confident and can hold their own.
They are not in doubt of their place, and they carry themselves this way.
2. They never turn their husbands into babies
I heard a man joke on Instagram that women are fond of calling their husbands “babes,” and that is why they act like babies… lol!
The gist, however, is that marriage is not for babies, and smart women know not to baby their husbands.
While “baby” or “babes” may be an endearing way to call your husband, he shouldn’t be reduced to a baby in his functionality as a husband and man.
Some women are controlling and like to lead.
In fact, some take on the man’s responsibility and shoulder the family’s responsibility solely, while the husband is left to act irresponsibly.
Yes, times are changing, and so are gender roles, but a man is built to and expected to lead.
Leadership here doesn’t refer to a tyrannical type but to exemplary leadership that makes him also accountable to his wife.
Smart wives never make their husbands projects that they are trying to fix.
Smart wives never encourage irresponsibility in their husbands by enabling them.
Instead, they encourage them to step up to their leadership roles.
3. They don’t take their husbands and marriage for granted
See finish, the classic Nigerian street lingo for overfamiliarity is an age-long enemy of marriage.
Many marriages start off well, but as time goes on, the couple tends to take each other for granted until nothing remains to salvage the relationship.
A smart wife will never make the mistake of taking her husband for granted.
She will likewise refrain from taking her marriage for granted.
Smart wives are women of honor.
They appreciate their husbands, value their relationship, and show it in words and actions.
4. They don’t transfer all affection to the children only
It is common knowledge that the love bond between a woman and her children, in most cases, is usually unbeatable.
Sometimes, fathers find themselves in positions where they have to fight again for the love of their wives as the woman transfers all her affection to the children.
Some men even start to resent their kids because of this.
However, this is where smart wives draw the line.
They are smart enough to know that their love for their husbands should not diminish because of the children.
Even as they carry out their motherhood duties, they don’t stop investing in their relationships with their spouses.
I read the Four Seasons collection, a novel by Catherine Palmer and Gary Chapman.
One of the featured couples didn’t know how far apart they had drifted until all their children left for college.
Smart wives understand that the children will grow and leave the house to pursue their own lives, interests, and desires, so they don’t allow their primary relationship (their husband) to suffer.
Smart wives have hearts large enough to accommodate the love for their husbands and children, and guess what?
It models a healthy relationship with the children, making them more balanced in their development.
5. They don’t nag or act immaturely
Smart wives are smart because they refrain from foolishness or foolish practices.
They don’t indulge in destructive practices like nagging or silent treatments.
Similarly, they do not evade difficult conversations.
They also do not expect their husbands to have superhuman abilities to read their minds.
Hence, smart wives are excellent and effective communicators because they understand how sacrosanct communication is to the health of their relationship.
6. They don’t shut down sexual intimacy to prove a point
Chinua Achebe was quoted to have said, “So long as the bed shakes regularly, the home is at peace”… lol.
Sex is a very vital part of a couple’s relationship, and when someone decides to shut it down to punish the other partner, it can complicate issues.
Smart wives are great communicators.
They don’t use sex as a tool to control their spouse.
Such manipulative acts won’t be found with smart wives.
7. They don’t let go of themselves
As a wife and mother, I know how demanding it is to function in these roles without letting down the ball.
The popular topic of work-life balance is a dream for many women who wear different hats.
It is easy to lose yourself amid life’s demands and neglect personal grooming.
I once saw a joke that a newly married woman would wear a seven-inch-high heel, then, after she gives birth to one child, she’ll start wearing flats; after two children, she’ll start wearing Crocs; and after three children, she’ll start wearing rubber slippers. Lol!
Even though the joke is exaggerated, the point is that many women lose themselves in the bid to find balance when faced with the responsibility of motherhood.
I understand because I cut my hair while I was pregnant with my second child and have worn a low cut ever since.
Not because I don’t desire long hair but because a low cut is easier to manage.
Smart wives are very careful not to let themselves go.
Whether they need to outsource more tasks, leverage support systems, or take occasional solo breaks, they design a way to refresh and refuel.
This way, they are able to give to their husbands, children, and other relationships without burning out.
8. They don’t compare their husbands with other men
Contentment is a code a smart wife lives by.
They are effusive in gratitude for their husbands and family because they know that constantly criticizing will diminish what they have and make their relationships worse.
This is by no means saying they are sycophants, but they understand that everyone (including themselves) is in the process of evolution, and so give room for growth.
Many people do not know that comparison and discontentment are a thief of joy.
It is easier to think that others have it better than you on social media, but smart wives know that the grass is not greener on the other side; it is greener where you water it.
9. They don’t keep relationships without boundaries
Smart wives never keep relationships without boundaries.
They don’t keep a male bestie who competes for their attention.
Similarly, smart wives are careful not to find themselves in compromising situations that could lead to emotional affairs or even physical cheating.
Relationships without healthy boundaries are a recipe for disaster.
Smart wives know this, so they draw the line clearly and insist on their boundaries being respected.
10. Keep records of wrong done and hound their husbands with it
Smart wives never resort to cheap blackmail and manipulative practices.
They don’t keep a record of wrongs done to them by their husbands and hound them with it.
11. Speak ill of their husbands to external relationships
The statement “three is a crowd” is true in the sense of marriage.
Although because you are married, you shouldn’t discard your family and friends: there is a way to relate with them.
Smart wives know better than to speak ill of their husbands to their friends and family.
The husband you disrespect before others can never be respected by them.
12. Losing their individuality and authenticity
Many women tend to lose their individuality when they get married.
They get absorbed into marital life and lose their shine and authenticity.
I have heard men share how they feel they are married to someone else and can no longer find the woman they married.
A smart wife never loses her individuality due to marriage: she remains authentic, and that is one of her superpowers.