Many wives complain about their husbands, and rightfully so.
Many husbands can be really annoying.
I know I am, and I sympathize in advance with the woman that I will be lucky enough to marry.
However, sometimes, many wives are also over-critical of their husbands.
It is possible for you to have expectations that your husband can’t meet.
This may be because those expectations are actually not so realistic.
But it is really hard to stop and consider how realistic our expectations are if we are disappointed.
The actual truth is that; in marriage, there will always be times when our expectations are not met.
We will always have times when it feels like our partners are so disappointing.
We will feel frustrated and tired.
However, it is important that we don’t react in the heat of those emotions.
Being too hard on your partner can negatively impact your relationship.
Today, I will be calling upon you to honestly examine your relationship and how you have been treating your husband.
If these signs I will be exploring are present in your marriage, you are too hard on your husband and you need to change.
Let’s get started!
8 Signs You’re Too Hard On Your Husband
1. You are always criticizing him
A friend was talking to me about her husband just the other day.
Really, all through the conversation, she hadn’t even said anything good about him.
She was just complaining about how passive he was (he is a really gentle person) and about how he couldn’t get things in order.
After listening to her, I understood what was happening.
She had extremely high expectations of her husband, and he didn’t seem to be meeting them.
So, I asked her a simple question.
“Is your husband trying? Do you see his improvements in many areas you have complained about?”
She thought about it for a while and then admitted that her husband was definitely trying to be better.
He was trying to be more involved in the family and all that.
He was also working hard and had just been promoted.
Then I asked why she was still complaining about him.
And she couldn’t answer the question.
The fact is that if you continue to look at the negative aspects of the situation, you will never see anything positive.
She was so focused on his flaws that she didn’t see his good attributes.
She was so focused on negativity that she didn’t see that he was making efforts to be a better husband and father to his children.
Dear wives, if you want to know if you are too hard on your husband, ask yourself the last time you had anything good to say to him.
Think deeply and go over all the conversations you can remember.
If all you can see is you are criticizing him, it is a sign that you are too hard on him, and it’s already affecting your marriage.
Because spending time with you feels like torture for him.
You criticize him on dates, at home, and even among friends.
This has to stop.
If you want a successful marriage, you need to realize that constant criticism is not how to build it.
Neither is it the way to help your husband become a better version of himself.
It only makes him want to avoid you and regret his marriage.
Start learning to see the good things in your husband and appreciate them before pointing out ways to improve.
2. You have unrealistic expectations
One morning, I sat in front of my house, watching the little children go to school.
That day, I learned an invaluable lesson from just watching.
I saw a mother pulling her barely three-year-old daughter, who was burdened by a school bag and her lunchbox, down the stairs in front of their house.
I watched her closely because I felt she shouldn’t allow that little girl to go down the staircase with barely any guidance.
To my relief, the girl made it down safely, only for her “mother” to pull her arm down the street, expecting her to match her pace.
Now, I was mad and was going to talk to the mother, regardless of our age difference.
But before I could tell her she wasn’t doing the right thing, the little girl cried out, which seemed to remind her mother of all she had forgotten.
She then gathered her daughter into her arms and carried her to school.
Like that mother, many wives have unrealistic expectations of their husbands.
The mother had the unrealistic expectation that her little child could match her adult strides.
Some wives expect their husbands to be able to meet all their needs and desires.
They have watched romantic movies too much and think they know what love and marriage entail.
The fact is that your husband is not a prince out of a fictional novel.
He is human, just like you.
There are no fairies in our world.
You have to understand that your husband will make mistakes sometimes.
He will try and fail sometimes.
It’s just the human way.
Expecting perfection from your husband only sets you up for disappointment.
In the same way you examined your relationship for signs of constant criticism, you should also check if your expectations of your husband are unrealistic.
Put yourself in his shoes to test if you won’t feel overwhelmed if such demands were placed on you.
If you realize this is the situation, it is a sign that you’re too hard on your husband.
You need to give him a break.
3. You compare him to other people
I think progress shouldn’t be measured in relation to other people.
No!
I think it should be measured in relation to where you used to be.
You can’t judge your husband’s growth by comparing him with others.
You can only judge it by comparing his present self with who he was yesterday.
Many women make the mistake of comparing their husbands with other men.
It is a mistake because once you begin the comparison, you will never see anything he does that can satisfy you.
Why?
Because there will always be other men you think are doing more for their wives.
If you have been comparing your husband to other men, you are definitely too hard on him.
Growing up, a lot of us were compared to our friends.
We felt it was unfair then, but now some of us are doing the same thing to the people we love.
Everyone has their unique strengths and weaknesses.
Don’t be deceived by the public image of many relationships.
That ever-glossy and happy lifestyle usually exists on social media alone.
Dear wives, stop the comparison.
It’s the reason you are always dissatisfied with your husband, even when he has tried his best.
Stop it, and you will enjoy your marriage.
4. You don’t appreciate him
Look, if you had appreciated your husband’s efforts in the first place, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
A sign that you have been too hard on your husband is that you can’t remember the last time you appreciated him.
Many women have trained their minds to look at this as “I can’t remember the last time my husband did anything for me.”
Today, we are going to be sincere with ourselves, right?
I know many women are married to deadbeat husbands, and I sympathize with them.
But if your husband invests his effort into the marriage and you don’t appreciate him because you think he can do more, you are wrong.
The best way to ensure that someone does more is by appreciating the little they have already done.
I know those things are his duties, but even a worker deserves accolades for doing a good job.
If you can’t remember the last time you acknowledged the things he does right, it is a sign that you are being too hard on your husband.
A simple “thank you” or a compliment can go a long way in making him feel valued.
A simple word of appreciation keeps your husband motivated and committed to the marriage.
5. You micromanage him
This is one of the worst things to do with me.
I hate being micromanaged with passion.
Most men feel this way.
However, this doesn’t stop some wives from being micromanagers in their marriage.
They feel like their husbands can’t do anything right without their direct supervision.
It’s quite frustrating for a man to have to listen to you tell him how to do even the littlest tasks.
“Oh honey, can you take out the trash? Don’t carry it the wrong way out.”
“You are not mowing the lawn the proper way.”
Your need to micromanage your husband all the time makes him feel incompetent.
Can you try trusting him to do things the right way?
That will help your relationship and reduce the tension you presently feel in your marriage.
6. You argue all the time
Fighting all the time is a sign of issues in your marriage.
Every couple has conflicts.
But if you fight your husband all the time, I daresay that your marriage is in trouble, and you are the cause of it.
One time, a woman started fighting her husband in my community.
The fight was really loud, but no one interfered because they had already gotten tired of interfering.
It was a regular occurrence for the wife to have angry outbursts and fight her husband over every little thing.
If you are always fighting with your husband all the time, it is a sign that something is wrong.
The emphasis here is on you.
You can’t always be fighting your husband and expect everyone else to believe that he is always at fault, especially if he evidently tries to avoid quarrels.
All successful marriages have their fair share of conflicts.
What separates them from others is how they handle their conflicts.
Successful couples have learned to focus on solving problems rather than creating more by fighting.
Dear wives, if you realize that your response to every situation is anger and quarrels with your husband, stop it!
You are being too hard on him.
There may be times when your upset is valid, but you should display your anger constructively.
You don’t have to scatter the house because you are angry.
7. You don’t support him
If you never support your husband in anything, come closer; I have something to say to you.
Marriage is a union that thrives on love, trust, and mutual support.
So, why don’t you support your husband?
Is it because he wasn’t there for you in the past?
Did he do something really bad to you?
While all of these can be painful experiences, forgiveness is the key to marital success.
No one has a successful marriage by keeping an up-to-date archive of all the wrongs done against them.
Apart from this, I have noticed some wives don’t support their husbands just because they feel resentful of their lack of success compared to their colleagues.
So, if you say things like, “Is this what your mates are doing?”
“I can’t support a man that is not ambitious,”
Or any other close variants, you are wrong.
You are being too hard on your husband.
You have expectations, and some of them haven’t been met… Big deal!
How about his own needs?
Have you ever stopped to consider your husband’s needs?
Dear wife, you need to do better if this is you.
Your husband has needs too, and he wants your support.
Offering that support will strengthen your bond.
8. Your husband is emotionally withdrawn
Lastly, we need to consider the effect of being too hard on your husband.
One of the major and early effects is that he withdraws from you emotionally.
He doesn’t seem to have much to say or share with you anymore.
This may be as a result of his tiredness.
He is tired of being judged and criticized.
Growing up, my father used to complain that his kids didn’t like to talk to him.
But the actual truth was that talking to him could be tiring.
A normal gist could be turned into a long session of lecturing and preaching.
Many of us are like this.
We can’t listen without judging.
If your husband doesn’t seem to talk to you anymore, it could be a sign that you have been too hard on him in the past, and you need to change.
Learn to listen with empathy and understanding.
Encourage him to talk to you and reassure him that you are not going to be critical and judgemental.
Most of all, consider his needs.
Inasmuch as you want him to satisfy your needs, you also need to consider his.
Taking this brutally honest introspective journey with me and noting the signs evident in your marriage is the first step towards having a healthier and more supportive relationship with your husband.
Remember, marriage is about growing together, not tearing each other down.
Be more mindful of your words and actions, and in a short time, even your husband will be pleasantly surprised at the changes in you.