When you watch rom-coms or read romance novels a lot like I do, there is a sense in which you may view life through rose-colored glasses.
This will also relate to how you view love; you’d see love as something always sweet and fun.
Now, let me divert because you may be reading this thinking I believe romance should stop in a marriage after a while.
Absolutely not!
I personally don’t believe the honeymoon stage has to stop; I believe that a marriage can continue experiencing the honeymoon stage if they are ready to put in the work.
However, we must also be realistic and understand our definition of romance.
Is it the everyday butterfly in your tummy feeling for your partner, or is it an intentionality to making your partner smile and be happy?
If it is the former, you might need to lay off the rose-colored glasses like I had to.
But if it’s the latter, your feelings are valid.
However, what do you do when you don’t get this, when your husband stops being romantic?
I will say the first step to solving a problem is identifying the root cause.
So, let’s start by investigating the possible reasons your husband has stopped being romantic.
When you identify what relates to you, you can know what needs to be done to correct the situation.
8 Reasons Husbands Stop Being Romantic
1. Life Got Busy
In the spirit of being realistic, we might as well start by talking about the reality of most couples.
Sometimes, a husband doesn’t set out to stop being romantic.
He didn’t wake up one day, saying, “You know what? I am tired of being romantic, I plan to no longer be romantic.”
No, most likely, life happened because sometimes, life just happens.
Between work, bills, kids, and responsibilities, it is possible for romance to take a backseat.
This is not because he doesn’t care; it’s just that his mind is occupied with so many things.
What, with work and making sure the family is provided for, it is possible to even forget what one used to do.
When a man is stretched thin, he may not have the energy to plan date nights or whisper sweet nothings to you like he used to.
But the good news is that romance can be revived.
As I said earlier, the honeymoon stage can be constant in a marriage as long as both parties are ready to work.
So, with honest conversation and a little effort from both of you, you should be able to bring back the spark, even in the busiest seasons of life.
2. He Got Comfortable
This thing happens to the best of us, and that’s why there is something called the honeymoon stage in the first place.
At the beginning of a relationship, everything feels exciting, but then, we begin to take our partner for granted or get complacent.
It is not always deliberate, though; it is just a human flaw that requires self-awareness and intentionality to do better.
So, it is very common for a husband to have done all he can to excite his spouse during the relationship and the beginning stages of the marriage.
He woos her, plans surprises, and puts in the effort.
But after a while, once he feels secure, he may think, “Why put in all that work? We’re already together.”
Again, it is not always from a bad place or even a conscious thought; it is just something we do when we get comfortable.
But the problem is that love needs nurturing to remain exciting, and the connection weakens when we stop trying.
The husband in question just needs to realize that, as he may not even know he’s slipping until the romance feels completely gone.
As the wife, you can help with a gentle reminder like initiating affection or planning something special yourself.
That can nudge him back into making an effort.
3. Stress And Exhaustion
It is hard to think of romance when one is stressed; that is why stress is one of the biggest romance killers.
If your husband is constantly drained from work, family pressures, or financial worries, he may not have the energy to be romantic.
When he is overwhelmed with life’s struggles, it is difficult to think of candlelit dinners and heartfelt messages.
This is where being realistic comes in as his wife.
One thing about life is that seasons are often not permanent as long as we are grinding and putting in the work.
So, for that period, you could join him to focus on the priority—getting out of the funk.
What he needs at that moment is support, reassurance, and a safe space to unload his worries.
And when he is less burdened, he’ll naturally have more room for love and affection.
4. Poor Communication
Romance needs connection, and connection needs communication.
If you and your husband have stopped talking about your feelings, desires, or even random daily experiences, it is not surprising that there is a distance.
Trust me, affection is easier when the line of communication is not broken.
Also, because you are not talking, you may not even have expressed your need for romance, so he doesn’t even know you’re missing it.
Sometimes, men assume their efforts don’t matter or that they are doing fine if their partner never brings it up.
Instead of waiting for him to figure it out, start the conversation.
A simple “I miss how we used to be” can go a long way in letting you both get your groove back.
5. He Feels Unappreciated
Men, just like women, want to feel valued.
If he’s putting in effort and it goes unnoticed, he might stop trying.
You might say, “Oh, what he is doing is not what I want. I want quality time, and he is buying gifts, or I want acts of service, and he is providing quality time.”
Your feelings are valid; however, when you can see your husband making efforts to provide, fix things, or do small acts of love, you shouldn’t just shut down because you want something else.
Nobody likes to feel invisible.
Even if you want something else, appreciate what he is doing because you can see that he wants to make you happy; he is just channeling it in the wrong direction.
Acknowledge what he is doing – say thank you to him – and then politely teach him how to love you.
That way, he will be encouraged to do more.
But if you don’t acknowledge him, it is normal that he now feels romance isn’t worth it.
6. Lack Of Reciprocation From The Wife
Some women fall into this trap where they think men are to do all the work and initiate all the romance in a relationship or marriage.
But that’s wrong because romance is a two-way street.
Men also want to feel loved, desired, and valued.
Therefore, your husband should not be the only one planning dates, giving compliments, or initiating intimacy while you sit pretty, doing nothing.
If that was the case, no wonder he has pulled back.
I apologize for being harsh, but it needs to be said because nobody likes feeling like they’re carrying the weight of a relationship alone.
If he has stopped being romantic, ask yourself—have you also put in the effort?
If you haven’t, you should seek redress.
Maybe a simple romantic gesture from you might be the push he needs to start being romantic again.
7. He Speaks A Different Love Language
Your husband may be romantic, but you just don’t recognize it.
For instance, if his way of showing love is acts of service (like fixing things around the house) but you crave words of affirmation, it may feel like he’s not being romantic at all.
This brings us back to appreciation and communication.
Love languages matter, but you should also acknowledge what he is doing.
Appreciate it and then have a conversation about what you need to feel loved.
A healthy marriage will require both of you to learn how each of you gives and receives love.
When both partners understand each other’s love languages, the romance will naturally improve.
8. He No Longer Loves His Wife
This is the hardest one to hear, but sometimes, a man stops being romantic because his feelings have changed.
Romance is often a reflection of how you feel about your partner.
So, if he has emotionally checked out, it will be challenging to express romance.
However, love rarely disappears overnight; maybe something can still be done.
If you suspect this is the issue, talk about it.
Find out if he’s dealing with unspoken resentment or personal struggles or if the relationship needs work.
Hopefully, with honest conversations and intentional efforts to fan the embers again, you can find love and romance again.