As an adult, you already know that life is not a bed of roses.
I’m not trying to be pessimistic, but you and I know that life is sometimes a mix of good and bad.
Some people have it worse, though. (Grace unto them).
However, one thing that makes it bearable is having someone to go through it with.
And for most of us, that person is our spouse.
Isn’t that one of the primary reasons we get married?
To have someone with whom to share our joys and challenges.
Like everything else in life, marriage has its ups and downs.
But what happens when your husband is walking around with a painted-on smile, insisting everything’s fine even when you can sense it isn’t?
The first step to dealing with a problem is acknowledging there’s a problem.
But you’ve got a man pretending all is well in paradise.
If your husband is pretending everything is fine, you might notice these signs:
6 Signs Your Husband Is Pretending Everything Is Fine
1. He’s Always “Busy”
Of course, an average married man is busy.
There’s work, errands, family obligations, maybe social life…
But it’s a different story when “busy” becomes his go-to excuse for escaping meaningful conversations or spending meaningful time with you.
We’re all busy.
That’s normal life stuff.
But if you notice that his schedule has become a giant shield against any kind of real intimacy, he might be pretending everything is okay and trying to keep you at arm’s length.
His being “busy” all the time is a cover.
He’s keeping himself occupied to avoid those real, you know, those raw moments where the two of you might actually have to address whatever is happening in your marriage.
I’m not saying he’s doing it on purpose to hurt you.
He might not even realize it himself.
2. He Gives One-Word Answers
I get that most men aren’t big talkers when you ask, “How was your day?”
After all, they say we women are the talkers, the emotional ones who give a 30-minute answer to any question about our day. lol
Even at that, some men, like my husband, would add some details about their day.
If your husband keeps giving you answers like “fine,” “okay,” or “good” every damn time, and you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall, there might be more to his answer.
Imagine you come home excited to talk about your day and ask him, “How was your day?”
Instead of telling you something interesting, he just says, “Fine.”
You ask, “What did you do at work?” and he replies, “Nothing.”
Like every day!
If he’s always been a talker, then his change in behavior is not normal.
But if he’s always been the quiet type, then it might be normal for him.
It’s like asking a friend, “What’s wrong?” and they just shrug and say, “I’m good,” even though you know they’re not.
That’s exactly what is happening here.
3. He’s Overly Cheerful at Odd Times
There’s one thing about emotions: they’re universal.
People cry when they’re sad, laugh when something’s funny, and smile when they feel happy or proud.
That’s just how we humans work.
But when your husband starts flashing a big grin or cracking jokes at weird moments, especially when you’re trying to talk about something serious, he might be covering up what he’s really feeling.
If something’s bothering him, he might be too uncomfortable to admit it outright.
Instead of getting into a tough conversation, he’ll slap on a too-bright smile, hoping you’ll move on and not notice the tension underneath.
He’s trying to keep things light and happy to avoid the real talk that needs to happen.
That’s a pretender behavior right there!
4. He Changes the Subject Often
How else will someone pretend everything’s fine if they don’t steer the conversation away from anything heavy?
Just how?
They’ll try to change the subject, mentioning random things that don’t necessarily relate to your discussion.
You mention how things have been somehow between you, and he quickly brings up a funny meme he saw on social media.
You suggest going on a weekend getaway to work on your relationship, and he starts talking about how busy he is at work.
If your husband is constantly doing this, take note.
He’s avoiding facing the issue that’s causing him to pretend to you that everything is fine.
So he wants to distract you from it by changing the subject, hoping you’ll forget what you meant to discuss.
5. He Has Troubles Looking You in The Eye
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and there’s a reason for that.
When someone truly connects with you, they usually have no problem looking you in the eye.
In fact, from mere eye contact, you can start kissing
So if your husband suddenly can’t hold your gaze, maybe staring at his phone, the floor, or anywhere but your face, it’s not pleasant.
Why is he avoiding eye contact?
Because meeting someone’s eyes makes it harder to hide what’s happening inside.
If he’s pretending everything’s fine, looking you right in the eye might reveal the hurt, worry, or frustration he’s trying to keep buried.
6. He Acts Defensive Over Little Things
No matter how much a person tries to pretend that everything’s okay, those bottled-up feelings have a way of seeping out.
Sometimes in the most unexpected ways.
No one can pretend all the time, and eventually, those emotions will come out.
Pretense is exhausting, you know.
His outburst might even be coming from his exhaustion and from his constant act of pretending.
It’s hard to keep up appearances all the time, especially when there are underlying issues that need to be addressed.
So if you notice your husband getting defensive over small things or acting irrationally, and every innocent question you ask turns into a mini-war, a lot is going on beneath the surface.
When a person is holding in a lot of unspoken feelings, even the smallest comment can feel like an attack.
What now? What do you do?
Now that you’re suspecting the signs that your husband is pretending everything is fine, what do you do?
Do you confront him and demand the truth?
Do you give him space and time to come clean on his own terms?
The answer may not be as simple as one or the other.
Every relationship is different, but no matter what your relationship is, these steps will help you address your husband’s pretense:
1. Take note of patterns:
Before approaching your husband, take note of the signs you’ve been observing that show he’s pretending.
The above signs are a good place to start, but pay attention to any other changes in behavior or communication.
Don’t ever approach a man without evidence.
Keep track of everything you notice.
He’s pretending already, so he’s definitely not going to give you any answers unless you have proof.
2. Approach with calmness and understanding:
When you decide to confront your husband, approach the situation with a level head and an open mind.
Be prepared for any response or reaction from him, whether defensive or apologetic.
This is a delicate situation; emotions may run high, but try your best to remain calm and understanding.
3. Communicate genuinely:
Once the conversation begins, be honest about how his behavior is affecting you and the relationship.
Express your concerns and ask him directly if he has been pretending or hiding something from you.
Be direct, but not accusatory.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to express how his behavior has made you feel.
For example, say, “I feel hurt when you don’t communicate with me” instead of “You never talk to me.”
4. Listen for real:
Communication is a two-way street, so listen to your husband’s perspective.
Give him the chance to explain his actions and share his thoughts without interrupting or jumping to conclusions.
Be open-minded and try to understand where he is coming from before responding.
5. Seek help if needed:
If the conversation becomes too heated or you cannot get through to your husband, consider seeking outside help.
This could be in the form of couples therapy or counseling.
Hopefully, he’ll be open to it.
If therapy isn’t your thing, you can get a trusted friend or family member to mediate and help facilitate a productive conversation.
All I know is you can’t have a happy marriage if you have a husband who keeps pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
So, I hope this is sorted soon.