Before I got married, each of the two times I had a breakup, I struggled to tell my friends and family about it.
If you are not like me, you might wonder why that is.
The reason is that I felt I had failed each time, and keeping it a secret – until I couldn’t – was my way of shielding myself from admitting the truth.
I started with that because many people might wonder why someone would want to lie about being unhappy in marriage.
However, they may want to avoid appearing to have failed in something they envisioned lasting forever.
Other reasons could include fear of conflict or a desire not to ruin the false stability of their marriage.
Whatever the case, many people unfortunately stay in unhappy marriages and lie to themselves, their partners, and others about being happy.
Having said that, let’s look at the common lies people tell when they’re unhappy in marriage.
12 Lies People Tell When They’re Unhappy In Marriage
1. “I’m fine, nothing’s wrong.”
This is one of the most common lies, and it’s not so hard to figure out why.
I don’t know about you, but I have often answered in the affirmative when asked if I was okay even though I wasn’t.
So, it’s unsurprising that someone unhappy in their marriage might not want to admit it.
For them, saying “I’m fine” is easier than facing difficult conversations about feelings of neglect, frustration, or dissatisfaction.
Unfortunately, this lie often leads to emotional distance and unresolved issues, making the unhappiness worse.
However, though they might know this, saying “I’m fine” might be a matter of self-preservation and be better than the alternative.
2. “I don’t need anything from you.”
This is something someone who feels let down repeatedly would likely say.
They have succeeded in convincing themselves that they no longer need anything from their partner, so they don’t bother to expect it.
This statement often comes from a place of hurt.
It shows they are withdrawing emotionally because they don’t see the point of leaning on their spouse.
3. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
Using exhaustion as a cover for emotional distress is surprisingly common.
When someone says, “I’m just tired,” it might be code for, “I feel overwhelmed.”
This lie allows them to avoid deeper conversations about their unhappiness.
They know why they are distressed; in fact, it is apparent, which is why they were asked, but they use this excuse because being honest will make them have uncomfortable discussions that they would rather avoid.
So they lie on tiredness and exhaustion because it seems easier than being honest.
4. “Everything is perfect between us.”
Although no marriage is perfect, people often say this when there is no issue, and they believe the marriage is in a realistic place.
On the other hand, people who want to lie about their unhappiness in their marriage also use it.
They use it to mask significant cracks in their relationship.
It is a lie used to avoid conflict with their spouse or keep up appearances with outsiders.
5. “I don’t care what you do.”
I remember watching this video on Instagram in which a woman told her husband she no longer cared about his actions.
She mentioned that if he told her he wanted to go on a boys’ trip or wanted to do anything, she wouldn’t bother asking about the details because she no longer minded what he did.
Some people felt it was because they had built trust, but others argued that she must have gotten tired of caring.
Whatever school of thought you fall into, I’m sure you admit that this sentence can be explained in different ways.
It could mean that she trusts her husband, yes, but it could also come from a place of emotional detachment.
Even if you trust your husband, you’d still want to know the logistics if he said he was going out.
You’d want to know where, when, how, and maybe even what activities are planned, not because you want to pry but because it’s just one of those things happily married partners would discuss before one of them goes on such a trip.
However, if someone becomes mentally exhausted, they are likely to stop caring about and asking about details like that.
They are basically saying, “I’m tired of caring and not being heard.”
They have shut down and are protecting themselves from further disappointment, which seems to be the norm in their relationship.
6. “I’m happy for you.”
Yes, this can be a genuine sentiment.
But it’s also something people use as a mask for resentment when a partner feels left out or unappreciated.
It also can be used sarcastically to mean they are not happy at all.
For instance, say someone neglects their spouse and keeps spending time with their friends or even at work; the spouse might just resign to them doing that.
So, when they inform their spouse about something that’s drawing their attention, the spouse might say, “I’m happy for you,” when, in fact, they are not.
I believe if you are sincere and in tune with your spouse, you will know when they don’t really mean this statement.
7. “It doesn’t bother me anymore.”
One thing I have always known is that one cannot pretend forever.
When someone has unresolved pain, it will always spring up later, even when they try to bury it.
So, they will likely try to convince themselves that they’ve moved on.
However, like I said, buried feelings have a way of resurfacing.
You can pretend to be unaffected all you want when something bothers you; pretending about it doesn’t make it go away.
Sadly, people who want to lie about being unhappy in their marriage often insist on their lies.
8. “I’m over it.”
Similar to “It doesn’t bother me,” this statement is often used to avoid revisiting painful topics.
Saying, “I’m over it,” is a way to shut down a conversation rather than resolve the issue.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking this means they have let go and moved on.
Forgiveness doesn’t happen because you pretend it has; it usually occurs when there is a resolution.
Now, I am the first person to tell you that not everything requires closure.
However, even when there is no closure, you still need to decide to let it go by resolving it in your heart.
Simply burying it and pretending you are over it doesn’t make you over it.
So, someone saying they are over an issue doesn’t always mean they are.
9. “I’m just busy with work.”
If there is a convenient clutch people use to get out of things, it’s work.
I’m not even hating because I have used work to get out of things I wasn’t interested in and didn’t want to deal with the conversation that would ensue from being honest.
However, that’s why I know work is an excuse unhappily married people use to avoid the problems at home.
This is not to say demanding schedules aren’t real, but it also means work can be used as an excuse to create emotional distance.
Rather than face the problem headlong, they may bury themselves in work or hide at work and tell their spouse they are simply busy.
10. “It’s not a big deal.”
Like saying “I’m fine” when you are not, this is another phrase often used to escape difficult conversations.
It is usually said when someone wants to minimize their feelings to avoid conflict or confrontation.
When someone says, “It’s not a big deal,” it might mean, “I don’t think you’ll take my feelings seriously,” or “I’m afraid of making things worse.”
It is a lie that people who want to pretend in their marriage tell themselves and their spouse to maintain the false stability they are used to.
11. “Marriage is a scam.”
In recent times, we have heard this chanted several times on the internet, with many harrowing marriage tales on its tail.
While I emphasize with those who, for whatever reason, had it the other way around in their marital relationship, there is still the danger of a single story.
The truth is that there are still many happy and healthy marriages out there.
I have found that some people who are unhappy in their marriages like to tilt to this narrative, and they scorn any couple that looks happy together, claiming they are faking it.
Their expressions are only a smokescreen to hide the sad reality of their relationships.
12. “I’ve already forgiven you.”
Some people believe forgiveness is a process that doesn’t happen instantly.
I say it depends on the offense and the person involved.
It can be both.
But whatever the case, it is not every time someone says they have forgiven that they have actually forgiven.
Sometimes, they say, “I’m trying to forget this, but it still hurts.”
They could also be flat-out lying; they have neither forgiven you nor are they planning to – at least not at that moment.
A person pretending to be happy in marriage is particularly likely to be lying when they say this because they don’t want to address the issue or they want to keep false peace.