Almost every woman wants to make their husbands happy.
There are a few really weird women who seem to derive joy from their husbands’ unhappiness.
That’s sincerely messed up, but we will consider these select “few” some other time.
Now, regardless of our noble intentions, we usually can’t keep our partners happy all the time.
If we could do that, we wouldn’t be human, would we?
This is one of the reasons why marriage is a beautiful journey filled with highs and lows.
The highs are the times when things are going smoothly, and it seems like nothing can go wrong.
The lows are those times when you feel like nothing else could go wrong because it seems like everything else is going wrong.
So, really you can’t make your husband all the time.
You are not perfect.
When men are unhappy, they may not always express their feelings directly.
Instead, they may use subtle and not-so-subtle phrases to express their discontent.
You would need to be really sensitive to get the hint sometimes.
However, it is such levels of sensitivity that have the ability to save a relationship on the brink of collapse.
Here are eight phrases men often use when they are unhappy in their marriages.
8 Phrases Men Use When They’re Unhappy In Marriage
1. “I am just tired”
In school, I had a female friend who always claimed to be tired.
She would always say she was tired even when she didn’t do anything.
At some point, we had to rationalize things, and the actual truth was that most of us actually felt the same way.
We just weren’t putting our feelings into words.
Why did we feel this way?
The Nigerian educational system is not a happy place for most students.
We deal with many issues that we shouldn’t even be dealing with.
Hence, the reason for everyone’s tiredness.
In school, the only time I was really happy was when I was on holiday.
My point is that when a man says “I am just tired”, it is usually a deflection.
He is choosing the easiest way to express his feelings.
He doesn’t want to go deeper into explaining why he isn’t talking to you or why he is acting so upset around the house.
While it may seem like a simple statement about needing some rest, if it occurs frequently in your relationship, especially recently, it could be his way of masking his frustration and emotional exhaustion.
If your husband frequently says he is tired, it is a sign that should be noted.
He may be feeling unhappy in the marriage but reluctant to express his unhappiness.
2. “Do what you want”
While this phrase may seem like being handed a blank cheque, it is not.
On the surface, it feels permissive, but really, is it?
Personally, I think it falls into the same category as “it’s fine.”
I have found out that most of the time, people use “it’s fine”; things are actually not fine.
In fact, I have done this myself.
I had told someone, “It’s fine,” when I already knew that only God could save that relationship.
When you ask your husband for his opinion on something, and he replies, “Do what you want,” it is not a good sign.
Apart from the fact that I have attached deeper meanings to the phrase, it reeks of resignation.
It is almost like saying, “I know you won’t do what I say. So what’s the point?”
When a man starts saying things like this, it is a sign that he feels unheard or powerless in the marriage.
I have not seen anyone happy where they feel unheard.
If your husband feels unheard in the marriage, he is definitely unhappy in the marriage.
This is a subtle way of expressing it.
So, when next he tells you “Do whatever you want”, please resist the urge to do whatever you want.
Insist on getting his opinion.
3. “It doesn’t matter”
One thing I learned from my first relationship is that when a woman tells you, “Never mind,” it means, “I have very important information.”
I think of “it doesn’t matter” as the male version of “never mind.”
When a man says “it doesn’t matter” all the time, it is a sign that it actually matters, but he feels like it won’t matter to you.
This is what men usually say when they feel disregarded in their marriage.
If your husband has been saying “it doesn’t matter” to you frequently when you want to hear his thoughts or opinions, it could be a sign that he feels that his previous opinions have been dismissed by you.
Reflect deeply on your past interactions.
Have there been times that you have totally ignored his suggestions?
You may not have counted it as anything, but he surely did.
That’s why he says, “It doesn’t matter. “
He actually feels that his opinion doesn’t matter.
The simple solution to this is to make him feel like he matters.
Talk to him and assure him that you value his opinions.
Most people think that when a man is unhappy in his marriage, it is usually sexually related.
Most times, this is far from the truth.
Men are usually most unhappy in their marriages when it feels like they are being ignored or taken for granted.
4. “It’s fine”
Remember I mentioned this earlier?
This is one of those phrases that appear innocent on the surface but usually has a lot of undercurrents.
I remember the time I argued with a friend.
To be sincere, she was more than a friend.
She was like the first lady I liked in my adult life.
We were arguing about something, and the argument got heated up.
We both said things that we shouldn’t have said.
I backed down at some point and just let her vent.
So, when she was done, she apologized quite casually at first.
Do you know the phrase “sorry about that”?
She said it quite casually, and I said, “It’s fine”.
But she knew it wasn’t fine.
She recognized that tone, so she insisted that we talk things out.
We were both glad that we talked about things that day because it could have ruined a beautiful friendship.
When men say “It’s fine”, it is rarely a sign of actual contentment.
It is usually a sign of dissatisfaction.
It is a way to hide irritation.
He is angry but doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, so he says it’s fine.
This doesn’t mean that people who say it’s fine are generally hiding unhappiness.
Some people actually mean it.
So, how do you know when your husband is using the phrase to hide his unhappiness?
Listen intently to the tone of the statement.
This would show you that he is actually not happy about everything.
5. “Whatever”
There is no hidden meaning to this.
It actually means what you think it means.
It is a statement of dismissal.
An actual “I don’t care about whatever you say or do” statement.
Really, it is hard to think that any husband truly feels this way about their wives.
But the truth is some men actually mean it.
Unhappiness in marriage can do a lot to a person.
When a man is unhappy in marriage, at first he tries to communicate his unhappiness.
When this doesn’t bear any results, resentment may begin to rise.
The crazy thing about resentment is that if it is allowed to take root, it can turn love into something so twisted that it cannot be recognized.
For example, it can make a man who used to care about his wife suddenly say “Whatever” to her and totally mean it.
There is no way to sugarcoat this.
If your husband constantly says “whatever” or any close variants of the phrase, it is a sign that he is unhappy in the marriage and may have even gotten to the point that he really doesn’t care.
This is a sad phase to be at.
But it’s not too late to save your relationship.
6. “It is what it is”
This may sound factual, but the truth is that it is a statement of resignation.
It is similar to when a man has done all he can to no avail and then asks the rhetorical question, “What can I do about it?”
When a man has this to say about his relationship, it is a sign that he is tired of that relationship.
He is unhappy in the relationship, and despite his best efforts, things feel like they are not working out.
So, he is getting to that point where he totally accepts that he is powerless to change his relationship.
Hence, he has learned to accept things the way they are despite the fact that he is unhappy.
Most of the time, this kind of acceptance usually precedes indifference.
Once indifference sets in, you can as well kiss your marriage goodbye.
If your relationship is at this stage, then we need to stage an intervention to save your relationship.
But don’t worry, I have got you covered.
Just stay with me.
7. “You don’t really listen to me”
When a man says this, it shows that he is feeling unheard in the relationship.
It also shows a desire to talk things through and find a solution to the issues in the relationship.
When a man comes out clean like this, it is his way of expressing a desire to work things out in the relationship.
Sometimes, some women make the mistake of being defensive in this kind of situation.
The actual truth is that defensiveness has never been helpful in relationships.
It only worsens things.
Resist the urge to be defensive if your husband says this to you.
He is trying to express himself, and you should let him do that.
You should also be ready to express yourself to him in a constructive manner.
Let him know how much you respect him and how you didn’t mean to make him feel that way.
Having this heart-to-heart conversation can be instrumental in reigniting your relationship.
8. “I can’t do this anymore”
This is like the worst-case scenario.
When your husband says this to you, it means he is not just unhappy in the marriage; he is also getting tired of the relationship.
It’s a clear indication of how overwhelmed he is.
Many men in unhappy marriages usually say this in the heat of an argument.
He is at that point that he requires escape from the relationship, whether temporary or permanent.
I had this female friend who was more of a burden than a friend.
She had a lot of insecurities and knew how to project them on others.
Being friends with her became more of a responsibility than a pleasure and I wanted out.
After one particular fight, I told her I just couldn’t continue doing this.
I couldn’t continue to be in a friendship that involves daily fights and quarrels over trivial issues.
The truth is that when a man uses this phrase often in your marriage, it is a sign that he is getting tired of the marriage and imagining how glorious freedom from the marriage will be.
If you don’t want to lose your husband, you must show him that being married to you can be pleasant.
Marriage doesn’t have to be a burden.
It can be an enjoyable experience.
When a man uses the phrases above frequently in your relationship, it is usually indicative of deeper emotional struggles, feelings of inadequacy, and unhappiness in the marriage.
You can address this by creating a safe space for communication in your marriage.
You can do this by encouraging honest and effective communication, to be specific.
But encouraging him to speak is not enough; you should also ensure that he knows his input is valued.
Addressing unhappiness in marriage requires effort from both partners.
You can consider seeking couples therapy to help you deal with the more complex issues.
Also, determination to improve in every area is necessary to get your husband back and truly enjoy your marriage.
The truth is that when one partner is unhappy in the relationship, it is safe to assume that the other partner is also not enjoying the relationship.
So, let’s make a decision to enjoy our relationships today by ensuring our partners’ happiness.