Marriage is beautiful if done well.
Sometimes though, wives unintentionally do things that mess with the harmony they are trying so hard to build.
And the funny part is that they don’t even realize they are doing it half the time.
Whether you know you are or not doesn’t matter, though, because it can still sabotage your marriage.
This is why you need to recognize these weird things so you can do away with them.
Having said that, let’s check them out.
10 Weird Ways Wives Sabotage Their Own Marriages
1. Oversharing Confidential Information
Your husband believes that some things are meant to stay between you—and he should, as marriage is built on trust.
But unfortunately, some wives overshare private details with friends or family.
I agree that sometimes, it is done unintentionally, but honestly, whether you think it’s harmless or not is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.
When your husband hears about it, it will always seem like a breach of trust to him.
And if it continues, your husband might feel like his privacy is being violated, and he may begin to feel unsafe around you, which is terrible for your marriage.
If your husband doesn’t feel safe around you, what more is left?
That’s why you must avoid oversharing when you are venting or excited—that’s when it usually happens.
Apart from hurting your husband’s feelings, you are opening up your marriage to unsolicited advice or people judging him, which is never helpful.
Private matters like sex, his finances, and his secrets should remain just yours to keep.
2. Over-Exposing Your Marriage To External Influences
Marriage is arguably the only institution where everyone has an opinion of what you should or shouldn’t do in your marriage.
However, it is also an institution that is unique to the individuals involved; no one knows your relationship like you and your husband do or can do it like you both can.
So, constantly running to external sources for validation or guidance is basically courting death.
Yes, there’s nothing wrong in getting advice in itself when a situation calls for it, but you shouldn’t also have that many voices in your ears.
You need one or two people who can serve as neutral mentors or counselors that you can both turn to when it is absolutely necessary.
In addition, you are basically creating room for drama by letting everything you hear determine how you live your life.
Stay away from every piece of information that wouldn’t do your marriage good.
3. Keeping Up with the Joneses
With the advent of social media and social media couples, many women fall into the trap of wanting to keep up with the Joneses.
I get it: you want to be cool, you want to be socially accepted, and you don’t want to deal with FOMO.
However, you must also avoid getting caught up in a rat race, as this is unhealthy for your marriage.
You are pressuring your husband because you want to ensure that you both do everything you find the supposedly cool couples doing online.
While it is not altogether bad to want to get inspiration from others to make your marriage exciting, you must also keep the dynamism of your marriage in mind.
Can you afford to do it?
Does your husband have the personality to do it?
Are you in a situation where it is feasible to do it?
Those are all questions you need to ask yourself so you don’t keep putting your marriage under unnecessary pressure.
4. Testing Your Husband
I watched a Nollywood movie when I was younger titled Games Women Play.
In the movie, two of the main characters were friends; one was an introvert, and the other was an extrovert.
The latter had a man while her friend was single, and she somehow thought it wise to taunt her friend to test her man.
According to her, she trusted him not to fall for the friend.
Needless to say, he fell for the friend, and they ended up together.
I believe you get where I’m going with this – testing your husband will always backfire.
It doesn’t matter what form you use; you should never test your husband.
For example, playing hard to get, starting petty arguments to gauge his reactions, or setting up “traps” to see if he’ll pass is a dangerous game.
Sure, you might feel a sense of satisfaction in the moment because you’ve succeeded in proving a point, but it is only a matter of time before he stops trusting you.
Remember that your husband is not a contestant in your love game show; he’s your partner.
Treat him like one.
5. Saying What You Don’t Mean
Have you ever thrown out a “Fine, do whatever you want” or an “I don’t care,” or even “I hate you” in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later?
We’ve all been there.
However, we must make sure not to make a habit of it because saying things you don’t mean will confuse your husband.
Your husband isn’t a mind reader, so he will likely take your words at face value.
Even when you are angry, remember to think through your words and not constantly use them to hurt, guilt, or confuse him, as it can push him away over time.
6. Fake Flirting To Make Your Husband Jealous
I must admit I used to do this before I got married.
I thought seeing my man get jealous was fun, and I enjoyed seeing him display jealousy.
So, I’m not judging you because you may think it’s harmless.
But let me tell you now, it’s one of the fastest ways to damage your marriage.
You might succeed at it and get him to notice and react, but is it worth the trust you’re chipping away at?
Fake flirting does nothing for your marriage.
Instead, it can plant seeds of insecurity and resentment.
It could make him question your loyalty or even make him feel inadequate.
Let’s not forget how awkward things can get if your little act goes too far or the other person misreads the situation.
So, instead of using jealousy as a tool, just tell your husband if you need more attention or affection.
7. Accusing Your Husband To Fish For Information
This one surprises me because I just think direct questions are easier.
Let’s look at it this way: isn’t “Who are you texting” better than “I’m sure you are texting another woman, that’s why you are smiling at your phone”?
You might justify it as being insecure, protecting your marriage, and what have you.
But this approach rarely ends well; it puts your husband on the defensive and on the edge.
In fact, I find that when some people feel defensive, they give you the answer you already expect instead of the truth, making it an unproductive conversation.
If something seems uncertain, ask your husband directly what you need to know.
Stop accusing and making him feel like he is before trial when he should feel serenity in your presence.
8. Stereotyping Your Husband
I remember my first boyfriend having issues with me because, according to him, I didn’t act like the typical woman.
There was a particular incident where he was hurt that I didn’t want to hold his hand while he was driving.
Well, I was more interested in getting home safe than the romance of it.
But he felt women were clingy and emotional, and since I didn’t act as expected, I must not have loved him.
Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last a year because I was tired of explaining myself because I didn’t fit a box.
This is the same way some women stereotype their husbands instead of treating them like unique individuals.
If you continue that way, he will soon get tired like I did.
Nobody likes to be lumped together with others, especially if they don’t fit the box you are trying to push them into.
Your husband is his own person with unique strengths and weaknesses.
Instead of Stereotyping him, celebrate what makes him different.
Show him that you see him, not some generalized idea of what a man should or shouldn’t be.
9. Instigating Fights
I have heard of women poking at small issues to spark a reaction for different reasons.
For some, it could be because they are feeling neglected.
For some, it may be an annoyance; for others, it is just plain boredom.
Starting a fight seems like the easiest way to get attention in those instances.
But the thing is that picking fights does more harm than good.
It creates unnecessary tension, as it leaves your husband walking on eggshells around you, not knowing what will and will not make you flare up.
When you are bored, find something exciting but healthy to occupy you, and when you are annoyed, try addressing your feelings directly.
Healthy communication will always be better than Instigating unnecessary arguments.
10. Demonising The Husband’s Family
This is common sense, honestly.
A woman shouldn’t be voicing out any ill feelings she has for her in-laws, especially when it’s unnecessary.
Remember that no matter how much you hate them, they are your husband’s people, and he loves them.
So, no matter what you feel about them, respect and learn to tolerate them for his sake, or you risk losing your man.