I can imagine some people saying an emphatic no to this, while others may be willing to consider the possibility.
Before researching and speaking to more people, I would have been with the former group.
Why should one be in a marriage without physical intimacy?
Yeah, it didn’t make sense to me.
However, thinking about it more deeply, there are actually many people who are not having sex or don’t have the luxury of doing it regularly, and they are still very happy.
Are you in doubt?
Well, let’s look at some reasons and people you might even know who are in marriages without physical intimacy.
4 Types Of Couples Without Physical Intimacy
1. Older Couples
I don’t think your eighty-year-old grannies are getting down.
I mean, if they are, it will be far and in between because, let’s be honest, they just don’t have the stamina anymore for that vigorous activity.
I’ve never been eighty years old, so I am not absolutely certain, but I think we can infer that, at that age, so many things make it impossible for sex to be a priority.
Things like energy levels, health issues, or even just shifting priorities can mean emotional intimacy will likely take centre stage, pushing sex to the back burner.
However, that doesn’t mean the spark is gone.
I didn’t experience my grandparents, as most of them were gone before I was born, but I see my parents.
I see how they play and act like the best friends they have always been for more than forty years of marriage.
Social media is also full of older couples, from people’s grandparents and parents to random Grandmas who have accounts.
We see their shared laughs, trips down memory lane, or simply enjoying each other’s company.
We see the friendship they’ve built and how, after many years together, they still consider each other soulmates, even though people would expect their love to dwindle.
And as we’ve already established, they are likely not having sex.
So, we can conclude that something more than sex is keeping them together.
It is likely the emotional closeness, companionship, and finding happiness in the little things that keep their love strong.
2. Couples In Long-Distance Marriages
Again, I have not really been in a long-distance relationship.
I was almost in one when I relocated to a new city, but the relationship ended not long after I moved, so I can’t speak much about what it means to be an LDR.
But, in the little time we spent away from each other, I experienced the panging and longing to see each other.
Now, that was a relationship where we were saving sex for marriage, but having gotten married, I can understand how tough it would be if we had to do long distance.
However, I also know that if I had to do long-distance, I would do it in a heartbeat because my husband and I share so much more.
The best thing about our marriage for me is our friendship – our inside jokes, how we can literally read each other’s minds, smile when our eyes meet from across the room, and laugh at the silliest things.
Now, before this turns into me flaunting my marriage – I apologize if it seems so – what I am saying is that a couple can have so much more than physical intimacy.
And we see it every day with long-distance marriages around us.
I know a lady whose husband had to travel abroad for school on a scholarship.
He was there for two years, and they couldn’t meet for those two years because they couldn’t afford the plane tickets for visits.
But they stayed faithful to each other; he came back and they are now doing well.
While I will admit it is difficult, couples in this situation usually get super creative to keep the connection alive – think late-night video calls, sending sweet texts, or even surprising each other with thoughtful gifts.
Yes, it might not be the same as being together, but the emotional bond they’ve built can make it possible.
Also, it allows them to even grow a stronger bond as they are forced to communicate more.
3. Couples With Medical Conditions
We don’t pray for sicknesses, but unfortunately, they are sometimes a sad part of life—hence, wedding vows include “in sickness and in health.”
Of course, not all medical conditions affect physical intimacy, but some make it impossible to have sex.
And yes, we’ve seen couples whose marriages couldn’t survive medical conditions like that, but others became stronger through it.
Why did they become stronger?
Surely, it wasn’t the sex they weren’t having.
It was because they learned to adapt, focusing on other ways to show affection.
They must have heightened their emotional connection and focused on other small gestures, such as cuddling, holding hands, talking, laughing, and engaging in exciting shared activities.
They likely found other ways to support each other outside the bedroom.
I’m not saying it is easy, but I believe those couples were able to build strong and happy relationships despite the challenges with patience and understanding.
4. Asexual Couples
Reading this from the beginning, you were probably beginning to think, “Well, all these are just couples in situations beyond their control.”
Well, you’d be surprised some people willingly choose that life.
Yes, some people are asexual, and that means they don’t experience sexual attraction.
Although this doesn’t mean all asexual people never have sex, they may choose not to because it’s not a necessity for them.
When two asexual people get married, they might prioritize other things besides sex and live in their own happily ever after reality.
It may seem unreal to a sexual being, but for asexual people, that’s normal.
How A Marriage Can Survive Without Physical Intimacy
Like I said, while I believe a marriage can survive without physical intimacy, it needs many things to stand.
Here are some of the ways a marriage can survive without sex.
1. Have Aligned Values
If you are not on the same page about being without physical intimacy, then it will be difficult for the marriage to survive.
This is, of course, for people who choose not to have sex in their marriage or asexual people – not people who cannot have it because of circumstances of life.
But even at that, you must be on the same page.
For instance, an asexual person cannot marry a sexual person who wants sex; the marriage will not work.
Your values must align, and you must share similar goals and priorities.
Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Only a shared vision can keep a marriage like this rock-solid.
2. Prioritize Honest Communication
No marriage can thrive without honest communication – whether they are busy in the bedroom every day or not.
But this is especially true for couples in a marriage without physical intimacy.
You must talk openly about your feelings, expectations, and needs if you want it to work.
Both of you must agree that physical intimacy isn’t a dealbreaker.
This will allow you to build trust and reduce resentment.
Make sure to also check in with each other often to ensure you are still on the same page.
You should also share your thoughts without judgment and be willing to compromise.
If all these are in place, you’d be amazed how much stronger your relationship can become.
3. Build On Your Emotional Intimacy
When physical intimacy isn’t in the picture, the couple must be intentional about building their emotional intimacy.
Spend time really knowing your partner; know their hopes, fears, quirks, and all whatnot.
Make sure you have those late-night talks, shared laughter, and being each other’s safe space.
The more emotionally connected you are, the easier it is to not feel like something’s missing, and you get to keep the spark alive.
Only a strong emotional bond can survive a marriage without physical intimacy.
4. Have Fun
Who says a marriage without physical intimacy has to be boring?
Nobody, that’s who.
Having Fun together is one of the best ways to keep your spark alive.
So, try new hobbies, go on adventures, or simply laugh at each other’s silly jokes.
When you’re genuinely enjoying each other, the focus shifts from what’s missing to all the wonderful things you do have.
This is not to demean the role of physical intimacy in marriage, as it also plays a huge role in the relationship.
However, if physical intimacy is not possible for some time, that doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship if both parties are open-minded and on the same page.
You might even find deeper ways to connect, which will strengthen your relationship’s overall health.