Intimacy is a big part of marriage.
And while people advise couples to focus on emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is also equally important.
Presently, we live in a woke generation and we are trying to broaden a lot of perspectives.
So, we also emphasize how physical intimacy is not limited to only sex.
However, one thing we don’t emphasize enough is how much sex is pivotal to physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, for that matter.
The truth is that when your husband stops making an effort in the bedroom, it could be a worrying sign and may affect emotional intimacy if care isn’t taken because all forms of “intimacies” are interwoven.
When a husband stops trying in the bedroom, it could lead to feelings of confusion, insecurity, and inadequacy for both partners.
Understanding the reason behind this lack of effort in the bedroom may go a long way toward dispelling the confusion and addressing the causes.
This isn’t actually supposed to be much of a big deal with a communicative man.
However, with most men, the reason behind their lack of effort in the bedroom is usually unspoken.
While the reasons can vary across different men, I have curated a list of the common reasons some men stop trying in the bedroom.
Let’s get into it!
Why Some Husbands Stop Trying In The Bedroom – 8 Reasons
1. Stress and fatigue
Life is hectic, and the stress doesn’t reduce for married people.
In fact, marriage and parenthood comes with its own share of responsibilities.
The truth is the stress of adulthood, marriage, and parenthood can be a lot, and it takes its toll on a man.
I thought being an adult would be a flex when I was younger.
Now, I realize that the “freedom” of adulthood comes with so many responsibilities.
Some men experience tremendous stress at work, and when they get home late at night, bedroom gymnastics are the last thing on their minds.
All they have in mind is dinner, the evening news, and a long night’s rest.
And we are just talking about work pressures alone.
When you combine this with financial worries and family responsibilities, it leaves a man feeling totally exhausted, both physically and mentally.
When stress and fatigue dominate a man’s life, it is usually difficult for him to muster the energy or desire to have sex.
Sometimes, when he manages to even consider it, he performs abysmally while at it because he is totally gassed out.
I remember watching a movie about a man who worked hard at three jobs every day to support his family.
One day, he got home and saw his wife all decked out in seductive lingerie, but he could barely keep his eyes open.
Within the few moments she was away to get him a glass of wine, he dozed off.
She returned to find him already sleeping and snoring deeply.
This kind of stress is a major reason why some men stop trying in the bedroom.
2. Health issues
When we discuss some husbands’ waning interest in sex, we like to focus on how they may no longer feel attracted to their wife anymore.
But the fact is health issues can make a man stop trying in the bedroom.
Health problems, both physical and mental, can affect a man’s performance and interest in the bedroom.
There are several health conditions that can reduce a man’s libido instantly.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be erectile dysfunction.
It could be anything ranging from diabetes to heart disease.
When a man is plagued by this kind of disease, it can reduce his desire for sex and make him stop trying in the bedroom.
While we are at it, we shouldn’t forget the negative impact of mental issues like depression and anxiety.
They can dampen the libido and make intimacy feel like hard work.
A friend once told me the reason he was still a virgin at more than thirty years old.
He said that the first time he had a sexual encounter, he had an erection before he and the girl started, but by the time he wanted to penetrate, the erection was gone.
And there began the story of his failed attempts to have sex.
Every single time he tried, he just couldn’t get it up.
I feel he is terribly anxious about the whole thing, and that’s why he never seems to get it up.
But my advice was that he should go for a checkup.
Both physical and mental issues may be the reason some husbands stop trying in the bedroom.
At some point, you just get tired of trying to no avail.
3. Feelings of inadequacy
I was talking to someone and realized how much feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem can rob people of many opportunities.
I was telling this person to apply for a role because I knew he was totally qualified for the role.
But he didn’t agree.
He kept on saying he wasn’t good enough and didn’t want to be rejected.
Well, he didn’t apply, and the job was later given to someone he taught while in school.
That was when he realized he was highly qualified for the job, but it was too late for him.
This is the same way feelings of inadequacy can stop a man from trying in the bedroom.
If a man feels insecure about his appearance or performance during sex, he may totally avoid being sexually active.
The truth is that no matter how much a man tries to keep in shape, the effects of age can always be seen in them.
In my teenage years, I was slim and had a flat stomach without putting in much effort.
Well, now I feel like I need to spend a lot of time in the gym to stay in shape.
Things like wrinkles and paunches are usually signs of middle age in most men.
Some men with these attributes may feel less attractive and could start questioning if their wives are still truly attracted to them.
The fear of being rejected by their wives may begin to plague their minds.
This sort of thought can dampen a man’s interest in the bedroom.
Also, if a man realizes that he hasn’t been satisfying his wife sexually, it may have the effect of making him give up trying in the bedroom.
He seems resigned to the fact that he can’t satisfy his wife’s sexual needs.
4. Boredom
Routine and predictability are the enemy of romantic relationships.
In a marriage of several years, it is usually very tempting to relax in the comfort of routine.
But the truth is routine kills spontaneity in the relationship, and now, everything has to follow a set pattern.
First, it is quite routine to always have sex in the bedroom.
Some couples are a little more adventurous.
I don’t think it is wrong to be adventurous, but I think couples must also exercise moderation.
When sex becomes a repetitive activity that couples are involved in without spicing things up, things can get really routine.
It loses its excitement and spontaneity.
It just becomes one of those other activities they do frequently.
It loses that special vibe.
Making love to your partner is never supposed to feel this way.
When it does, it feels more like trying to make babies than making love.
Some husbands stop trying because the novelty has worn off, and they no longer feel the curiosity and sense of adventure of new lovers.
This is why it is important to never let routine creep into your marriage.
It takes the life and joy out of the marriage.
5. Lack of appreciation
I know this actually may sound weird.
I am from Nigeria, and while in primary school, I learned to appreciate my teachers for the weirdest things.
So, back then, it was normal for teachers to administer corporal punishments to students.
We had this teacher who usually felt like he was doing us a whole world of good by flogging us for little offenses.
We always had to tell him “Thank you, sir” after every drubbing.
I was an extra stubborn kid, so I usually had to receive double portions of punishment before I could bring myself to tell him “thank you” for beating me.
This was a recurrent exercise.
I never learned to thank him for beating me without being coerced by another round of punishment.
Now, I feel that man was a sadist who enjoyed punishing us.
My point is that lack of appreciation can affect a man’s drive to be physically intimate with his wife.
I am not saying that you have to tell him “thank you” for making love to you.
That’s not what I mean…
In this case, I am talking about appreciation in general.
When a man doesn’t feel his efforts in the relationship are noted and appreciated, he may feel unwanted and taken for granted.
When a man does not feel appreciated, he may feel less motivated to invest himself in the relationship.
This involves far more than sex.
It just feels like your husband has stopped trying.
In every aspect of the relationship, he seems nonchalant and indifferent.
It is worse in the bedroom because it feels like he is totally indifferent.
When your husband’s lackluster performance extends to other things beyond the bedroom, it is a sign that he may be feeling unappreciated.
6. Shift in priorities
There is only one thing that is constant in life…
Change!
We really can only hope that whatever changes we experience in life are positive.
And, of course, intentionally work towards it.
Life’s demands can sometimes shift a man’s priority from intimacy to other things.
At some point, parenting, career goals, and personal goals may take precedence, leaving little room for intimacy.
You should note that this isn’t even caused by fatigue.
This particular reason is driven by focus.
A husband may find himself so focused on other aspects of life that he may be unintentionally neglecting sexual intimacy.
This is where communication comes into play.
Couples are meant to communicate with each other, not just when they are happy but also when they are dissatisfied with something.
Effective communication is the solution to most of the problems that may arise in relationships.
7. Emotional distance
Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are interwoven.
When one takes a hit, the other is affected.
Some men stop trying in the bedroom because there is an emotional gulf between them and their wives.
Emotional disconnect between couples can lead to a lack of desire for physical closeness.
So, if you have been experiencing communication breakdown and unresolved conflicts alongside a marked display of disinterest in the bedroom from your husband, the reason behind the lack of physical intimacy may not be so farfetched.
When there are various underlying and unresolved issues in a relationship, it is not unusual for them to affect emotional intimacy.
Partners start treating each other coldly and spending less time with each other.
But for many, it doesn’t stop them from having sex.
It usually makes it more mechanical than it should ever be.
This is usually the beginning of the end of sexual intimacy in many marriages.
The longer the emotional withdrawal continues, the lesser the desire for physical intimacy in the relationship.
If you see all of these signs in your marriage, it is a sign of a widening emotional gulf between you and your husband.
That gap must be bridged before things get even worse.
8. He is cheating
This is the worst reason some men stop trying in the bedroom.
It is really sad how many people cheat on their partners in this generation.
In fact, when I see people rationalizing cheating and making excuses for it, it gets my blood boiling.
The truth is that there is no excuse for infidelity.
And this involves cheating back because someone cheated on you.
There is no excuse for it.
It is a despicable act that could leave the victim reeling and hurt for years to come.
When some men stop trying in the bedroom, it could be a sign that they are getting sexual satisfaction somewhere else.
One time, a woman shared the story of how her husband cheated on her.
She would never have known hadn’t it been for several unfortunate incidents that exposed the infidelity.
Reflecting on the past, she wondered why she didn’t see it when it was right before her.
Her husband had stopped having sex with her some time ago, citing health issues.
Unbeknownst to her, he had been having sexual relations with another woman.
She was devastated when she got to know, but she is better now.
Like her husband, some husbands have stopped trying in the bedroom, and the reason behind their lack of effort is that they are getting satisfaction elsewhere.
However, you shouldn’t just conclude because your husband isn’t making any effort in the bedroom.
It doesn’t mean he is cheating.
It could be just about anything else.
So, you could try talking to him about it to find out what’s happening.
Of course, if it is due to health issues, you and your husband may have to work out other ways to be intimate without being sexual.
You and your husband should be willing to work together as a team to find lasting solutions to whatever is causing your disinterest in physical intimacy.
You can reignite the spark and enjoy a more intimate and satisfying relationship by nurturing emotional intimacy, addressing underlying issues, and prioritizing each other’s needs.