Being manipulated is not a great experience.
I can tell you this from experience.
My experience wasn’t in a romantic relationship.
It was a friend who kept on using me for his own ends.
It took a long while before I could recognize the signs, and in that period, he had already wreaked a lot of havoc.
Emotional manipulation is usually very subtle.
It actually won’t be manipulation if you can spot it fast, will it?
But it casts a shadow over relationships, darkening even the brightest moment.
It is one of the worst things that can happen to you in your relationship.
The worst thing about emotional manipulation is how it makes you question your feelings.
I mean, emotional manipulators don’t announce themselves.
You start out loving them, and they also treat you well sometimes, usually as a means to an end.
Love is a beautiful feeling, but if you’re with an emotional manipulator, it takes the joy out of the relationship.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re walking on eggshells in a relationship or your emotions are being played like a puppet master pulling strings, it’s time to pause and reflect.
Here are some signs that he might be emotionally manipulating you.
8 Signs He Is Emotionally Manipulating You
1. He gaslights you
Gaslighting is one of the most common tools in a manipulator’s bag of tricks.
Some people will like to make you think everyone gaslights when they need to, but the truth is gaslighting is an attribute of manipulators.
A man who truly loves you won’t gaslight you because gaslighting can make you start questioning your reality and even your sanity.
If he is emotionally manipulating you, you may have noticed how he skillfully twists the truth to the extent that you start wondering if you had the whole thing wrong.
One of my neighbors used to do this to his girlfriend all the time.
He would do something really bad, and when she complained about his behavior, he would accuse her of being rude.
He would do this until she starts admitting she was wrong and apologizing for things she didn’t do.
It was pretty obvious to every one of us that he was just gaslighting her, but she didn’t realize it until it was too late, and he had damaged her self-esteem.
If he is gaslighting you, the key evidence has to be the way you question your own memory of things.
Did he really promise to call you last night?
“No, you must have imagined it.”
Did he say something hurtful?
“You’re too sensitive; I was just joking.”
Recently, a female friend asked if it was possible for a guy to ask you to be his Valentine’s date and then forget that he asked you.
That sounded impossible to me, and I shared my opinion with her.
Then, she told me how a guy ghosted her on Valentine’s Day after asking her to be his date.
He reached out to her the next day– not to apologize.
He reached out to her to talk, and when she confronted him, he initially claimed that he never asked her to go on a Valentine’s date with him.
However, after she showed him evidence, he switched and said, ” I forgot”.
His initial attempt to gaslight her would have probably been successful if she had not had evidence of him asking her out.
Over time, gaslighting erodes your confidence and makes you reliant on his version of reality.
If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your thoughts because of what he says, it is a sign that he is emotionally manipulating you.
2. He guilt trips you
All emotional manipulators use guilt as a weapon to get what they want.
As a child, I wasn’t a generous kid.
I didn’t like to share my snacks or lunch with anybody, regardless of who they were.
So, when kids beg for my food, I usually answer “No”.
This didn’t sit well with many of them, and they would usually threaten never to play with me again if I didn’t grant their requests.
It was usually less of a threat and more like a reminder of our friendship, but I was never moved.
I loved food too much for that to work on me.
An emotional manipulator usually tries to make you do their will even when you don’t want to.
He might frame his demands as tests of love or loyalty.
So, he may say things like, “If you really cared, you’d cancel your plans with your friends” or “I guess I’m just not a priority to you”.
Statements like these are meant to make you feel selfish for not giving him what he wants.
It is a way of making you feel guilty and as a result, you may prioritize his needs over yours just to prove that you love him.
Love shouldn’t come with guilt.
Even the Bible says that “Perfect love drives out fear”.
So, if you realize that your man’s love usually consists of guilt-tripping you, it could be a sign that love is really toxic.
3. He is inconsistent with his affection
Have you ever been in love with somebody and you are not sure of what they feel for you?
It can be an incredibly tough emotional rollercoaster, and to top it all off, many people don’t think they are being emotionally manipulated in this situation.
They just think they have to prove their love to the other person.
Well, there is nothing like trying to prove your love to someone just to attract their affection.
It’s either they love you back or they don’t, and love is all about consistency.
It’s not just about a grand gesture or two occasionally.
It is about consistently showing up for your partner.
If it feels like your man is not doing this, it could be a red flag.
One minute, he is showering you with affection; the next, he is distant and cold.
This fluctuation of affection is a weapon in the hands of emotional manipulators.
It is designed to keep you off balance, craving his attention and approval all the time.
When he is affectionate with you, you are on tentacles because you don’t want it to end, but you know it will.
And when he withdraws it, you can do just about anything he wants just to get his affection back.
It’s a control tactic—he knows that by withholding affection, he can keep you chasing after him.
If you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, it’s not love; it’s manipulation.
4. He blames you for his actions
Being able to take responsibility for your actions is a sign of maturity.
Anytime you see an individual playing the blame game, two things are involved—they are immature and manipulative.
These two things are usually not mutually exclusive.
A manipulator never takes responsibility for their actions.
If a man is emotionally manipulating you, you will notice that it feels like he is never wrong while you are always at fault.
Usually, he flips the script and makes you look like the problem in the relationship.
One time, a guy beat his girlfriend up brutally.
It was a case of assault, and we were all hoping that she was going to press charges until she told us that she had dropped the charges.
When we asked why, she said he had apologized and that she also realized that she had instigated the attack by making him angry when she knew he had a bad temper.
She said he had promised never to do it anymore.
I was upset, but I knew what had happened.
The guy hadn’t just apologized.
He had also passed the blame to her, and she accepted it because he was an emotional manipulator as well as a woman-beater.
A horrible monster, if you ask me.
So, if he says things like “I wouldn’t get so angry if you didn’t provoke me” or “I only lied because you’re so controlling”, just know that you are dating a walking and breathing red flag.
By shifting the blame, he avoids accountability and keeps you focused on fixing yourself instead of addressing his behavior.
5. He isolates you
The best way for emotional manipulation to work on someone is for the person to be kept in isolation.
Manipulators know this, and so they try to cut you off from your support system.
It is a red flag if you are involved with a man who seems intent on isolating you from your friends and family.
They might criticize your friends and family, sow seeds of doubt about their intentions, or make you feel guilty for spending time with them.
The goal?
To make you dependent on him for validation and companionship.
A healthy relationship encourages connection with others, not isolation.
6. He loves to play victim
Manipulators love playing the martyr.
They’ll paint themselves as the long-suffering hero who tolerates your flaws while ignoring their own.
They love to make it look like they are just managing you, and you are undeserving of love.
The effectiveness of their manipulation depends on how well you believe this.
If you believe you are truly unworthy of love, it makes you a pliable victim in the hands of a manipulator.
So, when a man says things like, “No one else would put up with you as I do”, it is designed to make you feel indebted to him and less likely to question his behavior.
Remember, you’re not a burden—you’re a person deserving of respect and love.
7. He gives you the silent treatment all the time
Silence can be deafening, especially when it is used as a weapon.
Growing up, I used to resort to silent treatment when I was angry because I felt it was a better alternative to losing my temper.
Well, it’s not.
Silent treatment in the hands of an emotional manipulator is a dangerous weapon.
It is usually a form of emotional punishment designed to make you feel anxious and desperate for his approval.
It is obviously a power play, plain and simple.
It is a way to keep you destabilized while ensuring that you are still hooked on him.
Now, I have discovered a better way to express my anger and disappointment.
What is this “better way”?
Healthy communication!
Talk through issues instead of shutting off your partner.
If your man prefers to give you the silent treatment instead of talking through issues with you, it could be a sign of emotional manipulation, especially if it is a frequent occurrence.
8. He love-bombs you
We all know that the early stages of every relationship can be really exciting.
But this is different.
In the beginning, an emotional manipulator might overwhelm you with affection, gifts, and grand declarations of love.
This is called love bombing, and it is designed to hook you quickly.
Emotional manipulators like to move fast because a slow relationship has a unique way of exposing any red flags that may be hidden.
But if he strikes fast enough when you are still carried away by emotions, it makes you an easier mark.
Now, once you’re invested, the intensity often fades.
This would definitely leave you confused and longing for that version of him that once made you feel so special.
This way, you are ready to do anything just to get that guy back.
Well, newsflash: you are not getting him back because that person wasn’t real.
Real love is consistent!
Ultimately, recognizing emotional manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
If any of these signs resonate with you, it’s time to take a hard look at the relationship.
Manipulation thrives in silence and self-doubt, so reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for support.
You deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine love—not one where you’re constantly being manipulated by the person you claim to love.
Remember, you’re no one’s puppet.
Cut the strings, step out of that toxic relationship, and don’t ever settle for anything less than the love you truly deserve.