I have seen many women complain about their husbands, and people just can’t believe them because their husbands always appear to be so in love with them in public.
We often see instances like this happening around us.
Couples pretending everything is fine in their relationship in public, only to start tearing at each other in private.
It shouldn’t be.
In fact, I firmly believe that it is better for your husband to be more expressive in private than to put on a show for the public while privately you are going through hell.
If you have ever noticed how your husband holds your hand at parties, posts sweet captions about you on social media, or calls you “baby” in front of friends, but the moment you’re alone, the affection fades, it is a sign that this article is for you.
At first, you might have brushed it off and made excuses for him.
“Maybe he is just tired.”
However, when you notice that the pattern continues, it starts to sting.
You start asking questions.
“Why does he only show love when people are watching?”
It could be really confusing, but if you are searching for answers, you are in the right place.
Here’s what it means when your husband only shows you love in public.
When Your Husband Only Shows You Love In Public But Not At Home: 5 Things It Really Means
1. He cares more about his image than your feelings
People get married for different reasons.
I wish I could say that love is the driving factor behind many marriages, but the truth is that there are usually other factors at play.
Sometimes, love doesn’t even factor into the decision of whom to marry.
At least, for some people.
It is sad because I still see so many people setting themselves up for a life of unhappiness by marrying people based on financial status and other reasons.
Many husbands are more concerned about the public perception of themselves than they are about their wives’ feelings.
So, whenever they act in specific ways, it is usually calculated to attract the public’s adulation, even when they are totally despised in their own homes.
If your husband is affectionate in public and distant at home when the affection should truly matter, it could be a sign that your husband is more concerned about what the public thinks about him than what you think.
He holds your hands in public and kisses you, but the moment you are out of the view of the public, he starts treating you like you disgust him.
The truth is that he is more concerned about appearing to be a good husband than actually trying to be a good husband.
This is why I always advise people not to compare their relationships to those of Instagram celebrities.
The fact that they are all loved up in videos doesn’t mean that the love is expressed in their private life.
Some of them lead really miserable marital lives.
What’s my advice to you?
Love publicly if you like, but it is what you do privately that truly matters.
That’s where the true connection is forged between partners.
2. He is avoiding real intimacy
I am not a fan of public displays of affection.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against it.
It’s just that most of the time, I feel like people are just putting on a show for others.
True intimacy is created in private.
Public affection is easy.
It can be scripted, and it is surface-level.
It doesn’t require the kind of vulnerability that true intimacy requires.
Any man can hug his wife in public, kiss her, and even appreciate her.
But what happens behind the scenes?
Does he express his appreciation in private?
Does he walk his talk behind closed doors?
Real intimacy often occurs behind closed doors, where no one can see you.
When everywhere is quiet and there are no spectators to whistle and clap for him, he stops touching you.
He is emotionally distant in private and would rather avoid you than express affection for you.
If this is the story of your marriage, your husband may be avoiding true intimacy.
He is avoiding forming a real connection with you.
There are several reasons why this can happen.
One of them is the fact that he may fear emotional closeness.
Yeah, it happens.
There are men who fear getting close to someone, and so they avoid them in private.
This brings a new question.
“Why marry if he fears emotional intimacy?”
Well, there are no concrete answers to this.
As I have stated earlier, people marry for a number of reasons that make sense to them.
Also, if there are unresolved issues in the relationship, he may also be avoiding true intimacy with you.
If this is the case, you will notice that he usually changes the subject every time you try to talk about feelings.
He also totally shuts down when he is with you in private.
3. He is holding a grudge against you
Conflicts are bound to occur in relationships.
If you are expecting to have a relationship without any conflicts, you need to wake up from that dream.
Conflicts are par for the course, and couples in successful marriages know how to handle them the right way.
However, if your husband is the type of man to hold grudges, then it is not so shocking that he only shows affection when you are in public.
There are many men who prefer to keep malice with their wives rather than resolve whatever conflicts they may be having.
But when they go out, the urge to keep up appearances is even more powerful than their resentment.
So, for the time being, the husbands shelf their resentment and act all lovey-dovey with their wives.
Once they are out of public sight, the relationship returns to square one.
It is sad, but if your husband behaves this way for days or weeks after conflicts, you are married to an unforgiving husband.
It’s a toxic relationship, and something has to be done to correct the atmosphere of your relationship.
Otherwise, it will remain stagnant.
4. He is trying to compensate for guilt
One of my neighbors is a chronic cheat.
In fact, everyone knows him.
Even though he thinks he has fooled everyone.
When he goes to events with his wife, you would be tempted to give him the Husband of the Year award because he would be so attentive to her.
Well, it is a charade.
Even his wife knows it.
The moment they return home, it becomes business as usual.
Sometimes, over-the-top public displays of love are just elaborate coverups.
If he is neglecting you at home, but overly sweet in public, he may be trying to hide something from the public.
It could be the emotional distance, resentment, or even infidelity, or all of them.
You can take your pick, but he is definitely hiding something, and his public display of love is his way of doing that.
When in this kind of situation, you should ask why he is treating you so sweetly.
Pay attention to his sudden shift in behavior when you ask the question.
He will be defensive and even keep more secrets.
5. The spark has faded
Routine has no place in marriage.
Routine is like a death sentence to passion.
So, when your marriage turns routine, it means the flames of passion are at the barest minimum.
Routine dulls passion, and if your husband treats you affectionately in public when the occasion demands it but doesn’t engage at home, it could be a sign that he has slipped into complacency.
I see this around me all the time.
Some husbands show affection to their wives in public while their private life is lukewarm.
There is no passion behind closed doors; no hunger and no desire.
The good news is that complacency can be rooted out of your relationship.
All y’all need to do is to be more intentional about your relationship.
Put more effort into the relationship by going on dates and having honest conversations about each other’s needs.
If you realize that your husband doesn’t show you affection except in public, it could be a painful position to find yourself in.
You need to resist the urge to get angry and confrontational.
It won’t help matters.
Instead, talk to him without accusations.
You can start the conversation this way: “I have noticed that you are more affectionate in public than at home, and I am confused. Can we talk about it?”
You also need to observe the patterns.
Is this a recent change, or has it always been like this?
If he is open to discussing it, it is a sign that he is ready to take a step in the right direction.
You can start considering solutions and even couples therapy if you think it will help.
However, if he is unwilling to address it, that puts you in a tough spot.
You may have to make some really difficult decisions about your future.
One thing is certain, though: this is not the love you deserve.
Love shouldn’t be a performance to entertain the public.
If your husband only shows you affection when others are watching, something is definitely wrong somewhere.
True love thrives in quiet, everyday moments, not just when there are spectators.