A little too much, if I’m being honest.
I love how two people come together, become one, and begin to live their lives as each other’s everything.
So, you’ll always find me rooting for marriage.
I always pray that everyone who desires it gets it and gets the best of it.
But I’d be unrealistic and delusional if I said that all of marriage is good.
Marriage is beautiful, but it can have some bad sides.
I’ve seen people become the best versions of themselves after getting married, but I’ve also seen people become the absolute worst.
The first and most obvious reason for the latter is marrying the wrong person.
But there’s another reason for misery in marriage that people don’t talk about often: lack of boundaries.
Boundaries in marriage?
Oh yes.
I believe in the oneness that marriage brings, but I also strongly believe that certain boundaries have to be set to get the most out of the experience.
Talking about the wife today, what are the boundaries she’s meant to set in marriage?
A wife setting boundaries doesn’t mean she’s controlling her husband.
Those boundaries are just for her to protect her peace, maintain her self-respect, and create a marriage that thrives on love, understanding, trust, and mutual respect.
Because the truth is, without healthy boundaries, resentment, exhaustion, and disconnection can creep in.
And trust me, you don’t want that for your marriage.
7 Boundaries Every Wife Should Set In Marriage
1. She’s the wife, not the mum.
The wife reads W I F E, while the mother is spelled M U M or M O M, depending on where you’re from.
So, I wonder why people often think both are the same word.
When a woman gets married, she becomes the man’s wife, not his mum.
And while she might do some things for him that are naturally a mum’s job, it still doesn’t change who she is to him.
A wife is a partner, not a caretaker or parent.
And I think wives are meant to let their husbands know that “I’m not your mother” because sometimes, they forget.
While supporting each other should be natural in marriage, the wife should not be the only one solely responsible for:
– Keeping the house running.
– Reminding him of every little responsibility.
– Managing his emotions while neglecting hers.
– Always cleaning up his mess.
– Always fixing up after him.
You’d think that Jennifer Lopez was being mean when she sang “Ain’t your Mama,” but when you see how bad it can get when a woman is given an honorary “Mummy” title before she’s ready for it and for a man she didn’t birth, you’d understand better.
Wives need to understand this and set those boundaries early.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to every husband because some husbands know the role of a wife and don’t make unnecessary and unrealistic demands from their wives.
But for the ones who think God gave them another mother when they got married, this conversation needs to be had.
Dear wife, set the boundary that both of you are equally responsible adults in the marriage.
2. She has her own life.
Marriage was never meant to completely strip people of their individuality and uniqueness.
People who believe that a man or woman should become someone else just because they’re now married misunderstand the concept of oneness in marriage.
Many people get married and get lost in it because, to be fair, marriage can be all-encompassing sometimes; it flows into every part of your life.
If you’re not careful, you’ll be drowned in it before you know what’s going on.
This is why, either through words or subtly through actions, wives need to let their husbands know that they need their own identity, not necessarily outside of marriage but despite it.
Loving your husband deeply doesn’t mean losing yourself.
You should still cherish the things that make you unique, such as your valuable friendships, goals, hobbies, and other things that help you maintain a sense of individuality that isn’t solely defined by being a wife.
Setting this boundary ensures that wives don’t wake up one day feeling empty because they poured everything into the marriage and forgot themselves.
Some wives get so immersed in cooking, cleaning, mummy-ing, and organizing that they leave no time and space for the things that make them happy.
That’s not healthy.
You should still have you.
And this also means having personal thoughts too.
Marriage is meant to be transparent, and couples should not intentionally hide things from each other.
However, that doesn’t mean every little thought or interaction needs to be shared.
Healthy privacy can be practiced sometimes, and this can mean that you don’t have to share every secret your friends share with you with your husband, especially when they’re very personal or sensitive matters.
You also don’t have to explain every minute of your day.
You can have personal journals, thoughts, or quiet moments without feeling guilty or like you did something wrong.
Once you are transparent about the important things and trust each other, neither of you will feel the need to snoop through each other’s phones or emails, and even if you do, there will be no marriage-shattering secrets.
Privacy and secrecy are not the same.
A boundary of trust keeps a marriage strong.
3. Infidelity is not allowed.
This should already have been established from the talking stage and dating period.
Heck, it shouldn’t even have to be said; it should be a no-brainer.
But as we know, the streets are crazy and people have different lifestyles and beliefs.
So, if you’re a wife who sees cheating as a deal-breaker, you need to be vocal about it.
Not in a threatening or daring way, but just to be clear.
Every couple must define their expectations of fidelity, but the wife can take a step further to make the boundaries clear.
Infidelity isn’t only for when the man sleeps with another woman.
Flirting with other women is disrespectful, and hiding friendships or messages is a betrayal of trust.
Deep emotional needs should be met within the marriage, not outside of it.
Loyalty is not just about not cheating; it’s about choosing your spouse over any temptation.
These conversations have to be had.
4. Her rest is important.
Many wives often carry an invisible workload: handling chores, feeding everyone, emotional labor, and endless to-do lists.
Some husbands never realize that these women need to rest, too.
Wives need to communicate early that their mental, physical, and emotional rest won’t be laid on the altar of cooking.
They can set boundaries, communicating that they are not the only ones responsible for the home.
They deserve time to rest, recharge, and do things they love, and they won’t be guilt-tripped for saying no when something pushes them too far out of their comfort zone.
A burnt-out wife cannot be a happy wife, and both husband and wife need to understand that.
It’s okay to ask for help without feeling guilty, and a wife has the right to say no to plans, expectations, or anything that doesn’t please her.
This is an unpopular opinion, but it includes saying no to intimacy when she’s not in the right emotional or physical space.
It also means saying no to extra responsibilities that overwhelm her or don’t align with her values.
A wife who can say no without fear is a wife who is respected.
5. Respect is non-negotiable.
When people talk about respect in the context of marriage, it’s usually for the husband, as if wives are allergic to respect.
This is why many wives, especially in patriarchal societies, need to be firm about their expectations, one of which is being respected.
Respect is non-negotiable, and that should be clear.
No matter how much love exists, respect must always remain; love is even meant to promote respect.
This means that there should be no yelling, name-calling, or belittling during arguments.
There is no making big decisions without discussions as a couple, and there is no ignoring each other’s feelings or dismissing concerns.
Husbands deserve to be treated with kindness, even in the hardest moments, and so do wives.
Marriage should not come at the cost of her self-respect and well-being.
So, she will not be accommodating emotional manipulation or toxic behavior.
And she will prioritize self-care without feeling selfish.
If the marriage is affecting your mental health negatively as a wife, you should seek help (counseling, therapy, or necessary changes).
A strong marriage is built on two whole, emotionally healthy people.
6. In-laws don’t have a say.
As an adult, even when you’re single, there should be limits to how far your family can interfere in your life.
But when you get married, whether as a man or woman, your boundaries should go up.
And just in case it’s not been said, as a wife, especially if you have in-laws who are overbearing or have the tendency to be, you should say it.
Let it be known that friends and family don’t have a say in your marriage.
Advice is one thing; interference is another.
One boundary to set is agreeing that decisions about your marriage stay between you and your husband and that you won’t allow in-laws or friends to dictate how you run your home.
You both should also protect each other from toxic family dynamics, understanding that your marriage is a union of intimacy, not a public debate.
7. Love is important, even in marriage.
If couples don’t agree early enough that they won’t settle for a loveless marriage, they may find themselves in one.
Marriage should not just be an arrangement of deciding what to have for dinner and whose turn it is to do the laundry.
It should be fulfilling.
That thing about men relenting from chasing their wives after she says yes is not a great way to kick off a marriage.
Couples should seek to keep the fire burning by continuing to see each other as a big deal, no matter how many years have passed.
If a wife feels unloved, neglected, or like a roommate instead of a bride, that’s worth addressing.
Affection and emotional connection are necessary in every marriage, and it’s not okay to settle for just being cordial.
Date nights, quality time, and even flirting should not stop after marriage.
If either of you feels disconnected, you will talk about it rather than ignore it.
Love is like an egg; it should always be nurtured, and boundaries help in making love more wholesome.
Boundaries are not walls, they are guidelines that protect love, respect, and marriage.
When a wife sets healthy boundaries, she’s not being selfish, she’s ensuring that both she and her husband are happy in the marriage.