One piece of advice literally every married person has gotten so many times is that “Communication is very important in every marriage.”
It’s been said so much that it’s now beginning to sound cliché.
A friend of mine would always say that perhaps clichés are what they are because they’ve proven to work over the years; that’s why they’re repeated so often.
However, I think the role of questions in communication needs to be emphasized more.
Asking questions is like a gate that opens a couple up to layers of deep and intimate conversations.
When you ask questions, especially the right ones, you create a platform for healthy communication, making your partner share things they didn’t even know needed to be said.
So, ask questions if you want to up your closeness game in marriage.
But I won’t allow you to stress yourself out by wondering what questions to ask because, like I said, it’s not just about asking; it’s about asking, right?
I’ll share a couple of questions every wife can and should ask her husband to help move their bond to new depths.
14 Intimate Questions Every Wife Should Ask Her Husband
1. What do I do that makes you feel most loved by me?
I have learned that in marriage, sometimes the things you don’t pay much attention to and just do carelessly might be what your partner appreciates.
While the things you’re giving your all into doing may not mean as much to them.
Ironic as it sounds, this happens many times,
So, asking this question can be an eye-opener for you,
When you ask your partner what makes them feel the most loved by you, you make them think about the things you do for them and x-ray how it makes them feel.
You can take it further by asking if you do anything that makes him feel unappreciated or unheard.
The goal is to have a healthy and happy marriage, which requires constantly asking each other “How can I be a better friend to you?”
Not only will your husband appreciate your thoughtfulness, but you’ll also be more aware of his love language and know how to express love in a way that meets his needs.
2. Have I ever hurt you in a way I haven’t fully addressed?
The number of couples I’ve spoken with who have hidden resentments against each other is alarming.
They seem fine on the surface, but they’re just walking around with wounds on their insides because they still feel hurt about something their partner did.
I’ve heard too many personal stories, but the one that takes the crown for me was a couple who had been married for over ten years.
I spoke with the wife, and she opened up about being hurt by something her husband and his family did on their wedding day.
I couldn’t believe my ears.
This woman was telling me that something offensive was done to her on the day she became a wife.
Ten years into marriage and three kids later, she still felt hurt and didn’t feel like it had been addressed properly.
The marriage was moving and seemed okay on the surface, but it wasn’t.
As crazy as it sounds, it’s the reality for many people.
Something happened at some point, and one person doesn’t feel justified, so they carry the hurt around.
It could be an episode of infidelity, a hurtful, careless word said in anger, a breach of trust, and so on.
This is why this question is important; it brings out whatever has been pushed under the carpet and creates an opportunity for it to be addressed and for the couple to find healing.
If there is a break in trust, they can begin to look into ways to rebuild trust.
3. Do you feel fulfilled in our physical intimacy?
Physical intimacy is a core aspect of marriage, and it is very important to talk about it.
A wife asking her husband this question helps her know what is in his mind about their sex life.
Perhaps he has a few things on his mind but doesn’t know how to share, asking can help him open up.
The question can be followed up with others, such as “What new things would you like to try in sex?” “What makes you feel most attracted to me?” and “How can I make you feel more desired and appreciated?”
Physical intimacy is about connecting, enjoying each other, and feeling united.
Both partners are meant to enjoy it and feel satisfied, and if either of them feels dissatisfied, this question can make them open up.
Sometimes, there might be no issues; the question may just be a platform for improving and exploring more things.
4. What are your greatest fears?
Now we’re getting into the deep stuff.
You’d be surprised how many couples don’t know details like this about each other.
They’re only all about the nice and positive stuff which is great.
However, we’re all humans and we have fears, insecurities, and whatnot.
When I ask a question like this, it helps me understand my partner better and helps us work against having that fear become a reality.
But most importantly, it helps us pray about it.
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want my partner to be plagued by certain thoughts and not be able to share them with me and vice versa.
5. If something ever happened to you, what is one thing you’d want me to remember or always hold onto?
This might be too deep for some people and that’s okay.
Some couples don’t like to go this route or talk about sensitive things like this.
But I think it’s a great thing to be able to discuss matters no matter how sensitive.
Asking this question doesn’t mean wishing evil on yourselves, and it’s not a question that should be asked constantly.
But it can give you a unique perspective about your husband and grant you insight into the deepest contemplations in their hearts.
However, if this is not for you, that’s fine.
You can ask something less dramatic, like, “How do you envision our life ten or twenty years from now?”
6. What is one thing you wish I understood better about you?
Sometimes, you don’t even know the depths of your feelings about something until someone asks you a question, and this is one such question.
There might be things that a husband wishes his wife would understand or see from his perspective.
He may have tried to explain to her to no avail before.
Or perhaps never bothered to try because he thought she simply wouldn’t get it.
Asking this question will make him feel comfortable and encouraged to talk about it.
It’ll make the couple talk about each other more and help them understand their individual unique perspectives.
Marriage is a lifelong journey of understanding each other and walking together.
7. What are your biggest dreams and ambitions right now?
While couples may not completely have the same interests and career paths, it is important for them to still show interest in each other’s business because that’s what couples do.
A wife may not know everything about her husband’s job or business just like he may not know a lot about hers, but she can try to understand the basics about it and know what his goals are.
By asking him this question, she’ll be more in tune with his career life and it can make her feel closer to him.
The day I sat with my husband to try to understand his work ambitions and dreams, I knew I wasn’t appreciating that man enough
When he did a little breakdown about his plans, and the things he felt were holding him back from his goals, I felt more compassion for him and appreciated his role as the provider in our home more because I got a faint idea of what he had to go through to be that.
When a wife asks questions like this, she gets to know her husband better.
It makes her know how best to support the man to make him achieve his goals easier.
8. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
This one is one of the questions I consider exciting because you never know what the answer might be.
But prepare your mind because it can be anything, and I mean anything.
We all have those “what ifs” thoughts once in a while that makes us wish we did some things a little differently and all of that.
For some, it’s a casual thought and remains on the surface, while for others, it’s quite deep.
Whichever it is, letting it out to one’s partner is one way to connect on a deeper level.
For some people, the things they hope to change can still be changed, maybe they just need a push.
Like my uncle, who always wanted to speak on TV while growing up, but didn’t get to.
He was now fifty years old and thought it was too late because he now had a job, family, and responsibilities so he kept living with the regret.
But one day, his wife randomly asked him, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t?”
When he talked about his TV dream, she said, “Oh, we can create a YouTube channel for you.”
In a nutshell, that was how my uncle’s dreams became reality.
Now, he has a growing YouTube channel where he shares his thoughts and adventures with thousands of subscribers, and he loves it!
9. How can we be better parents and partners?
Another very intimate thing that bonds couples is their kids.
Children make a couple more united, well at least, most of the time.
Having children together makes their lives more intertwined than it was before.
And apart from just talking about the bills the children bring and how unreasonable they are sometimes, couples can also talk about themselves as parents.
A wife asking her husband how they can be better parents and partners can make them think about great ideas they never considered before.
They can talk about the legacy they want to leave behind, the values they want to instill in their family, what being a good father or mother means to them, and so on.
The only person you can have this depth of conversation with is someone you made babies with—and hopefully, that person is your husband—so it is an intimate question.
10. How is your relationship with God?
This is why I always advocate that people who marry people should share their beliefs and values.
But not just that, you have to be able to relate at the same frequency.
For instance, two people might believe in God but not at the same level or even in the same religion.
If you and your partner have the same mindset and ideologies about life, it’ll be easier to practice and grow in your faith, and it’ll be another platform for you both to relate to.
You can relate with each other about your struggles, growth, and experiences, and you can grow spiritually together.
11. How can I pray for you in this season of life?
I love asking my husband this one.
I believe in the power of prayers and so does he.
So, apart from the times we pray together, I love asking him from time to time what areas of his life he’d like me to pray for.
It makes him feel very cherished and lets him open up to me about his struggles and hopes.
It’s a special thing to pray for someone.
But when you specifically ask them what they’d like you to pray about?
That’s even more special.
12. Do you think we prioritize our marriage enough despite life’s busyness?
This question is like a check-in.
Life gets busy a lot, and if you don’t pause to think and look at the things that matter, you’ll wake up one day to see that you’ve long neglected them.
If a wife asks her husband this question, it just might be the reawakening he needs to see how much life is taking his attention away from his marriage.
Or I might just be a wake-up call for both of them to create more time for each other.
13. Is there anything you’re afraid to tell me?
To be honest, if your husband were afraid of telling you something, it’d take more than just asking to make him say it.
It’ll require patience, openness, and asking at the right time.
Sometimes, husbands hold back information from their wives, and there are various reasons for this.
Perhaps they’re not sure she can handle it well, or they know they did something they shouldn’t have.
Whatever it is, it’s best discussed and handled together as a team.
14. How do you truly feel about our marriage right now?
Moment of truth.
I once had a boss who used to complain to a colleague of mine in the office about the things his wife did.
He shared every negative thing he felt about his marriage with this colleague.
I began to wonder if the wife he talked about even knew anything about how he felt.
Sadly, many people don’t know the true state of their partners’ hearts regarding their marriage.
They might think everything is fine and their partner is happy, but that may be far from the truth.
That makes this question an important one to ask.
The wife can open the ground from a judgment-free conversation about how her husband truly feels about their marriage.
Does he feel happy and fulfilled?
Does he feel emotionally safe with her?
Why or why not?
How does he feel about the way they handle money and responsibilities?
These questions are beyond conversation starters.
They’re like powerful magnets that draw couples together.
Granted, some of them may bring up deep emotions or even conversations that’ll shock you.
But they also provide an opportunity for growth, bonding, and intimacy.