I’m sure many people will agree with me that I wish we didn’t have to do much to have a good marriage.
I wish it were something we could just wish for and it would immediately happen for us.
But if wishes were horses … we all know that’s not how it works.
If you want to be happily married, you must be ready to be intentional about it, and that includes doing some things at night.
You might be asking, “Why night?”
Well, you may have heard people say things like, “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”
What that means to me is that how you end your day determines how you wake up the next day.
So, if you ask me, happy couples end their nights well: they wake up refreshed instead of carrying the weight of the past day into the new one.
This is why it is important to learn the things happily married couples do differently at night.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s go to the business of the day.
Follow along for those habits that make a difference in your marriage.
8 Things Happily Married Couples Do Differently At Night
1. They eat together
When I was in university, I stayed with my cousin for a while because my university was quite far from the city where I lived.
At that point, her first child was a baby, so they were a relatively young couple.
However, what amazed me then was how she waited for her husband to come back home before she had dinner – she was a stay-at-home mum.
I didn’t understand it then because sometimes, he had to work overtime and would come home late.
Even on those days, she would wait for him to come back so they could eat together.
I noticed how much fun they had during mealtime, but it still seemed unreasonable to me.
Thankfully, I have since seen the light.
If you are like I used to be, trust me when I say that there’s just something intimate about sharing a meal at the end of the day.
Eating out of each other’s plates, stealing food, laughing, and talking about the day—there is just so much to love about eating together.
This is why happily married couples make dinner time an event; they rightfully see it as a moment to reconnect.
They sit, eat, laugh, and catch up on each other’s day, even if dinner is takeout from the neighborhood restaurant.
So, it’s less about the food and more about being present with each other.
To properly do this, you must know that phones should not be allowed during dinner.
There should be no TV blaring in the background either – you can watch TV later.
It should be a time for both of you after the day’s chaos.
2. They have pillow talk
Pillow talk literally means having conversations on the bed right before falling asleep.
But before we get to the bed, I believe the talking should start before then.
A good time is after dinner, before you go to bed – you shouldn’t head straight to bed after eating anyway.
You can take strolls together if your time and environment allow for it, especially before the kids come.
If not, sitting down to talk is also a great way to spend time together.
Then, of course, you should have the actual pillow talk because that is where the real magic happens.
Let me add that you shouldn’t be tempted to speak only about deep stuff; it doesn’t have to be.
I mean, of course, if you have things to discuss, go ahead.
If not, even the silly works.
The idea is to talk, stripped of distractions.
It builds emotional intimacy and creates a safe space to just be you.
I always say these late-night chats are more meaningful than anything that happened all day.
3. They enjoy each other’s presence before bed
Although this is similar to the above, I thought to include it as well because it is quite different from spending time talking.
In this instance, it is getting to that stage where you don’t have to be doing anything together, but you are still together.
Let me explain in case you are getting confused.
Couples should talk and definitely do things together.
However, happily married couples don’t need constant entertainment to enjoy being together.
They can also be in the same space reading individually, scrolling TikTok side by side, or just sitting in silence; yet it still feels cozy and connected.
Even doing “nothing” feels like something when you’re with your person.
And if you absolutely need physical contact, you can make sure a part of your body, like your legs, is touching while you are doing your own thing.
There is great power in being totally okay, just being in each other’s space.
4. They have a routine
While routines might sound boring, for happily married couples, they’re a kind of love language.
In my experience, having your own routine is fun—it can be something that you both look forward to every day.
For instance, you could brush your teeth side by side, shower together, turn off the lights together, or pray together – more on this later.
It doesn’t have to be something serious; it can be something simple that makes you both feel like a team and best friends.
I strongly believe that every couple should have those little “we always do this” moments that keep things stable and sweet.
5. They show affection
Happily married couples don’t let affection fade with time.
They still give each other a goodnight kiss, a warm hug, or just a hand on the back as one of them drifts off.
Even after long days, they make room for a little love that shows they still desire each other.
Plus, nothing shows warmth than those little and random touches.
6. They tuck each other in and cuddle
There’s something so pure about one partner making sure the other is cozy and warm before bed.
I read a piece recently from a marriage counselor who mentioned that she advises couples to go to bed at the same time at least three times a week.
Of course, this might not be feasible for every couple, so don’t feel bad if it does not work for you.
But the days when you can manage it, you absolutely should go to bed together and tuck each other in.
Pulling up the blanket, adjusting the pillow, and those little spooning session before you sleep off does great things for your marriage.
Even if you don’t fall asleep wrapped up every night, that pre-sleep snuggle hits different.
7. They have sex
Notice how I didn’t include this in the physical intimacy aspect; it is because it deserves to be a standalone.
Sex in a marriage is a way to stay emotionally and intimately connected, so it is vital.
Also, although it doesn’t have to happen at night, it happens then for most people because there is no distraction then, especially when you have kids.
Plus, sex does not always have to be spontaneous or wild, though sometimes it is.
Mostly, it should be intentional if you don’t want life to get in the way of it.
Happy couples make space for those moments of desire, closeness, vulnerability, and not to mention, orgasms.
So, make sure you keep the marriage bed active.
8. They pray
A couple that prays together stays together might sound like a cliché, but it’s true.
That’s why many happy couples make sure to end the day in prayer.
It’s a great way to promote family unity, aside from helping with spirituality.
You can have your devotions individually – and you should – but you shouldn’t also neglect that place of praying together as a family.
It helps you surround each other with love, protection, and gratitude and creates a sacred bond.