Growing up in a superstitious community has made me very versed in myths.
Where I come from, they have myths about everything, and many of them are usually not dangerous.
For instance, someone told me that playing a flute in the afternoon could attract ghosts.
This stopped me from playing my flute in the afternoon until I realized that it was just a way of ensuring that afternoons were as quiet as possible.
Imagine several children playing flutes simultaneously in the afternoon.
Many adults believe they have outgrown myths, but the truth is that many still hold onto them.
The peculiar thing about the myths adults believe in is that many of them can be very dangerous.
Intimacy is one of those areas of adult life that is full of dangerous myths.
For a subject that is so commonly talked about, it is shocking how intimacy is still one of the most misunderstood aspects of relationships.
As a kid, one of my earliest sources of information on intimacy was romance novels that usually had the picture of a dashing, shirtless gentleman and a pretty lady touching his muscled chest.
Usually, books like this only pass across misinformation and various fantasies about intimacy rather than the reality.
Over time, myths about sex, desire, and connection have been passed down through movies, books, and social media, often leading to frustration, insecurity, and even relationship strain.
If you and your partner have ever felt disconnected, confused, or pressured in your intimate relationship, you might be falling for one of these common— and potentially dangerous —myths.
It is time to separate myths from reality once and for all.
9 Dangerous Myths About Physical Intimacy Couples Still Believe
1. “If you are truly in love, your desires will be in sync.”
Throughout my many years of reading romance novels and watching romance movies, I have never encountered a scene where a partner is truly in love with their partner but still declines to be intimate with them because they are not in the mood.
In fiction, you are always in the mood when your partner wants sex if you truly love them.
And here’s where the problem lies: reality is far from this.
The truth is that no two people can have identical desires, fantasies, and libido.
That’s not odd.
In fact, it is normal.
Assuming that your partner would automatically want to be intimate with you because you are in the mood just creates unnecessary drama in the relationship.
For example, you will see a man telling his wife that he feels she doesn’t love him because she is too tired to be intimate for one day.
The fact that you love your partner doesn’t mean you will always be down for intimacy.
That’s just part of the unrealistic expectations that fiction has created in many people.
Also, it is quite unrealistic for you to expect your partner to just know what you want.
You would read a novel and come across a line like, “He just knew what to do without her even saying a word, his fingers moving all over her body like a skilled guitarist strums the guitar strings.”
Sounds ridiculous, right?
But that’s what many people believe.
Well, I don’t believe that my partner should instinctively know what I want.
I believe in clearly communicating my needs and desires to my partner.
Communication is the key.
So, talking openly about preferences, boundaries, and changes in desire will keep you and your partner connected far more than silent expectations ever could.
2. “Men always want sex, women don’t.”
There is this terrible myth about men always wanting sex while women need to be persuaded to have sex.
It is wrong, but it has gained so much ground over the years.
Come to think of it, almost all the movies I watched as a kid had a man cheating on his wife because she was not in the mood to have sex.
It may not have been the aim, but these TV shows and movies painted men as sex-hungry individuals.
This outdated stereotype harms both partners in marriage.
The truth is that desire varies from individual to individual.
Some men love to have sex while others are not so freaked by it.
Similarly, some women have high libidos while others don’t.
Gender has nothing to do with libido.
The danger of this myth is that it may make a man feel inadequate when he isn’t always in the mood for sex, and women may also suppress their desires just to fit into the role that has been set for them.
Stereotyping is dangerous, and it shouldn’t be allowed a place in your marriage because it stifles individual expression.
3. “You can learn how to make love from watching porn”
I have heard several married couples advise others to watch porn with their partners if they want to truly enjoy intimacy.
According to them, a lot can be learned from porn.
The truth is that this is just another way myths are generated.
A few people start being really loud about their views, and in a few years, it feels like the whole world has held that view for centuries.
Porn is basically acting.
Many things depicted there are not real.
And like every acted scene, there will be times when the director directs the actors to halt because something is wrong and then restart.
They even retake scenes.
Now, imagine you are having sex with your partner and someone yells, “Cut!”
Would you actually stop?
See how ludicrous it is to learn intimacy from two people who have no genuine intimacy between them.
All they have is a camera and several people filming while they act.
Porn is fiction not reality and because it is fiction, it often exaggerates body image, endurance, and sexual performance.
If you try to behave like the porn stars, you will be setting yourself up for unnecessary disappointment.
I mean, anything short of using sexual enhancement drugs will leave both of you with disappointment because you have unrealistic expectations.
4. “Long intimate sessions are always satisfying”
One day, I stumbled upon a video on social media where a guy was asking certain females for their ideal duration for a round of sex.
That day, I realized that we had a big issue.
Most of them mentioned an hour or more, and I was flabbergasted.
This is one of the unrealistic expectations people get from watching too much porn.
The average sexual intercourse should span between five to ten minutes, excluding foreplay.
If you don’t last this long, it shouldn’t still be a problem.
The key to enjoying intimacy is not looking at a stopwatch to check how long you last.
It’s about being present and fully immersed in the moment.
The quality of the experience is much more important than how long it lasts.
While the length may be a factor in judging quality, I have heard of people who had long, terrible sex.
Satisfaction during intimacy comes from being emotionally connected with your partner.
Another thing that is very lacking in those adult movies propagating these dangerous myths.
The danger of believing in this myth is that it puts partners under pressure.
This can move men to try drugs that can enhance sexual performance, but these drugs can be health risks.
Some of them have been said to cause heart problems.
Don’t put yourselves under unnecessary pressure, dear couples.
5. “Good sex = perfect performance”
If you’re worried about impressing your partner or sticking to a script every time you’re intimate with them, you’re missing the point of intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t a performance.
It is about connection.
Porn stars perform but real couples make love, and lovemaking doesn’t need to be perfect.
You are not trying to impress a director behind the scenes.
It’s just two partners who want to please each other.
The best encounters are not when you do everything right.
You are not an actor trying to remember his lines.
The best encounters happen when both partners feel safe, present, and free from judgment.
Speaking from the perspective of a man, I think men perform better when they know their wives won’t judge them for not lasting hours.
Laughing, exploring, and even awkward moments can strengthen bonds far more than flawless technique.
6. “When the sex slows down, the relationship is in trouble.”
A lack of physical intimacy in a marriage could be a problem when it is prolonged.
In reality, dry spells occur in marriage.
It is totally impossible to keep dry spells away completely.
Life ebbs and flows, and in the same way, intimacy has its highs and lows.
Even in the most successful marriages, this happens.
There are many responsibilities that come with life as a married adult, and there are times that the last thing on your mind would be intimacy.
It is natural for this to happen sometimes, and it doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble.
It isn’t.
At least, not at that point.
Instead of panicking, you should focus on quality over quantity.
If you are in a period when sexual intimacy is suffering a dip in frequency, you should focus on improving the quality of those few encounters.
A single, deeply connected moment can be more fulfilling than routine, disconnected encounters.
Talk about it—without blame.
Discover ways to intentionally increase the frequency of sexual intimacy in the marriage.
7. “Great sex must always be spontaneous.”
Movies and TV love to portray passion as something that just happens—wild, impulsive, and effortless.
But in long-term relationships, waiting for spontaneity often leads to nothing happening.
Life gets really busy, and stress kills libido.
Couples go to work in the morning and come back tired with nothing but sleep on their minds.
In this kind of setting, wanting to be intimate spontaneously is like playing a rigged game of dice.
The odds are always against you.
You can’t always leave intimacy to chance.
Great sex may sometimes require intention.
Scheduling intimacy, setting the mood, or even just talking about it can keep the spark alive.
There is nothing wrong with scheduling a day for intimacy.
This is especially true for people who have really busy schedules.
Also, this is not an attempt to say spontaneous sex isn’t great.
It is, and if you have a little bit of spontaneous sex mixed with the scheduled ones, it could help your relationship.
8. “Morning sex is better than night sex.”
If I had a dollar for every time I have seen this sentiment, I would be swimming in wealth.
The myth that morning sex is more pleasurable is not so dangerous.
I mean, apart from the fact that you may be waking up earlier than necessary just to perform the act, it doesn’t do much to the relationship.
But since we are debunking myths, the truth is that the best time to have sex varies by individual preference.
Some people prefer mornings, while others prefer nighttime.
Then there are some that don’t care about the time of the day.
They just want to enjoy intimacy with their partners.
This is the category I like.
Sexual intimacy is not qualified by the time that it is performed.
Rather, it is the people partaking in the act that make the experience great.
9. “More intimacy means a happier marriage.”
Sexual intimacy is very important in a relationship.
However, there is a dangerous myth that is so widespread among married couples.
They believe that if a couple has sex more often, it makes their marriage more successful.
This is not the entire truth.
Of course, sexual intimacy plays a role, but it is not the guarantee of a strong and successful marriage.
There are other important factors that should not be overlooked.
Things like love, trust, and emotional intimacy are the foundations of a successful marriage.
This is not an attempt to discredit sexual intimacy.
Enjoy sexual intimacy with your partner as often as possible.
It is also very important, but don’t overlook other things in the process.
The ultimate truth is that physical intimacy thrives on honesty, communication, and letting go of unrealistic expectations.
Instead of chasing myths, you should focus on what truly matters: connection, trust, and mutual pleasure.
You will be happy you did.