The moments leading up to a breakup are the worst.
It’s like you can see what’s coming, and you dread it, but you almost feel helpless.
But as bad as this feels, it’s still better.
I’ll explain.
It’s better to be aware that it’s happening than to be completely oblivious until the breakup hits you in the face like a brick.
Being able to tell when your relationship is about to bite the dust is important for two reasons.
One, it helps you put in effort early enough if that’s what’s needed to save it.
And two, it helps cushion the effect of the final fall if it’s inevitable.
So, walk with me as we identify these signs.
6 Signs Your Relationship Is Falling Apart
1. Unusual silence
Silence doesn’t always mean peace.
Sometimes, it’s a sign of war brewing.
When you and your partner stop talking like friends, or whenever you even try to, it feels very awkward and dry; you already know that something is up.
You can be “together,” but you’re on your phones and barely notice each other.
Even if nothing is wrong at that moment, continue that way, and something will be wrong very soon.
Conversations aren’t meant to feel like a burden; they’re meant to just happen without a thought.
You know how it is when you’re with your favorite sibling or friend, you chat away without even thinking about what to say.
That’s how a normal, healthy relationship is meant to be; everything but quiet.
When unusual silence takes over, deep talks are gone, and it’s now all surface-level or strictly practical, your bond is loosening.
2. Constant fighting
Just because I said silence can be a sign of a problem doesn’t mean fights are the way to go.
When fighting becomes the order of the day, that is definitely an issue.
Dead silence is bad, but so is constant tension.
Neither of the extremes is okay.
One of the quickest signs that a relationship is about to break up is that little things start to turn into full-blown arguments.
That might not even have been the intention; perhaps it started as an innocent conversation, but before you know what’s happening, you’re both bickering at each other and maybe even saying terrible things that you’ll regret in a very short while.
When you stop being kind and considerate with your words to each other, there’s a big problem on the ground.
These issues that start as little things blow up, and everyone begins to hold on to bitterness and resentment.
There’s little grace shown towards each other and more throwing of blame, making forgiveness difficult.
Your patience runs thin, and both of you keep score of each other’s flaws.
These things are red lights, beeping, telling you that the union that you created is about to break.
What are you going to do about it?
Pause, talk, and thrash the issue out?
Or just let things deteriorate.
3. You don’t even know what’s going on
Two things I often said before my last relationship ended were, “I’m just so tired of everything” and, “I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.”
If you feel this way or have said things similar to this about your relationship often recently, take it as a sign.
Many times before a relationship ends, you can feel it.
You start to feel lost and confused.
You don’t know what’s going on in each other’s lives anymore, and you feel like strangers.
Sometimes, the tired feeling comes after talking or being with them; you suddenly feel heavier, which shouldn’t be.
Their presence stops bringing you comfort.
Love is meant to make you feel whole, happy, and sure.
If you’re unsure, confused, and feeling drained, maybe the relationship has taken a negative turn.
A similar sign to this is when you both aren’t on the same page regarding your goals anymore.
There’s less talk about the future and “us” and very little excitement about sharing a life, either from you or them.
The future of the relationship feels unclear and divided because the engines of the vehicle you’re both on is bad.
Take this sign as the vehicle squeaking, letting you know that there is a need to take a look at what’s going on and intervene.
4. There’s unusual coldness
Many times, when people talk about coldness happening in their relationships, it’s usually in the context of their partner doing it to them.
But sometimes, it can be from you.
You may notice that you stop feeling soft and affectionate towards your partner, and your feelings have grown cold.
You’re not interested in hugs, cuddles, kisses, or even hand-holding.
It now feels strange to you.
You may also stop feeling safe being vulnerable with them.
Many people fail to realize that when this begins to happen either to them or their partner, it is triggered by something.
If you suddenly don’t feel warm towards your partner, something caused it.
It might be their behavior towards you over time, constant disagreements, or maybe because you’re getting attention from someone outside.
It’s never unprovoked.
I remember a time my husband and I experienced this, it was after one major fight we had.
It lingered a bit, and neither of us took quick steps to fix things.
By the time we go around to doing it, things didn’t return to the way they were before.
Our conversations became formal and cold like we were talking to the HR in our office.
We couldn’t freely talk about our fears, struggles, and desires.
We started having fears of being judged, dismissed, or misunderstood when we open up.
It was really bad.
And the thing about things like these is they the automatic sequel is secrets.
You start hiding things, whether big or small, from each other.
Secrets start to grow.
You start hiding your phone and emotions.
And even if it’s not cheating immediately, emotional dishonesty starts breeding distance.
I’m glad we didn’t get to this point.
We called each other to order and had a long talk that helped break the ice.
You can try that too.
5. You’d rather be apart
When either of you starts wishing they were single, you don’t need another sign.
You don’t need a seer to tell you that the relationship is folding up.
The right way to feel about your partner is excitement, happiness, and gratitude.
Anything other than this is questionable.
When you start seeing yourself as managing them or wishing they weren’t in your life of vice versa, then it’s about to go down.
You imagine being single or with someone else and feel relieved, you start daydreaming about a life without them.
Finding joy in the thought of leaving, not staying, is a red flag.
It sleeps doom for your relationship.
6. You’ve stopped trying
The most important thing in relationships is effort.
When this dies, the relationship is about to follow suit.
Perhaps you and your partner have stopped putting in effort to bond, impress each other, and nurture your relationship.
Even during important moments like birthdays, Valentine’s, and so on.
You’d rather shrug, and you feel “why bother?”
There’s no respect for each other anymore.
When you stop trying to impress each other, contempt is likely to follow.
Sarcasm, dismissal, eye-rolling, or even subtle jabs become normal.
Open your eyes and see the signs for what they are.
They’re telling you that your relationship might be falling apart.
It is important to know these things, not from a place of fear, but from a place of clarity.
Sometimes, it’s not a big blow-up that ends a relationship; it’s a slow, silent drifting apart.
However, the good news is that awareness can be what initiates healing.
If both partners are willing, love can still be rebuilt.