One day, I read a thread about people talking about the craziest things they had done for love.
After reading, I came to a sad realization- so many people in this generation don’t know the true meaning of love.
There were a few comments that truly reflected love.
I just got the vibe that many of them were trying so hard to hold on to people who didn’t really care about them.
I know that love can make us do crazy things– some sweet, some reckless, and some that leave us wondering, “What was I thinking?”.
Love should be a source of joy and growth, but sometimes women (and let’s be real, people in general) make sacrifices or compromises in the moment that seem romantic but end up hurting them later.
The truth is that love should never be one-sided.
It shouldn’t, and when it is, we need to learn how to walk away with our dignity intact.
Because the longer we try to remain in such relationships, the more we lose our dignity and do things that may end up hurting us.
Here are a few well-intentioned things that women do for love that often backfire;
6 Things Women Do In The Name Of Love That Backfire Later
1. Ignoring red flags
Recently, I had a conversation with a female friend about relationship matters.
She had a friend who was entangled in a toxic relationship with an abusive guy.
He wasn’t physically abusive, but he was verbally and emotionally abusive.
She had tried to warn her friend about the guy, but her friend just didn’t see the red flags.
Instead, she made excuses for him.
Well, I told her that in relationships, some women have the tendency to overlook red flags just because they love their man.
They make excuses for him and just stay, hoping that he will eventually come around.
Well, that’s usually a mistake.
If a guy is inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or disrespectful, and you stay with him because you believe your love can change him, you are doing one of those things that will backfire later.
You may have convinced yourself with the saying that “love conquers all”.
I have news for you: that saying was talking about mutual love between two people, not your one-sided love for a man who is a walking red flag.
You think if you choose to see your man as perfect, he will fit into your expectations of him?
Well, in my experience, that rarely ever happens.
Instead of fixing him, you end up feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and wondering why you wasted your time denying the reality.
This usually happens after you have suffered considerable damage from that toxic relationship.
You can’t fix a man, especially when he doesn’t see the need to improve or change.
Men are not machines.
Inasmuch as your intentions may have been noble, they are misguided and could cause you a lot of heartache.
2. Giving up dreams for a relationship
What’s life without dreams?
It’s like a meal cooked without spices.
It’s bland and tasteless.
We all have dreams, and I have noticed a sad trend among females.
Many females have sacrificed their dreams just to be in a relationship, and they have regretted making that choice.
It’s not a decision you should make lightly because it may just backfire.
Moving cities, turning down career opportunities, or putting personal goals on hold are some of the things that many women do for love.
And don’t get me wrong, compromises are normal in relationships.
In fact, it helps couples build a successful partnership.
However, completely sidelining your dreams for a man could lead to regrets.
It’s not a decision to be made lightly because our dreams are part of us, and when they are lost, it feels like we are missing essential parts of ourselves.
And years later, it may be a source of resentment because you may end up blaming your man for every opportunity you missed just to stay in the relationship.
Before you make the decision, count the cost and ensure you are determined to pay the price.
3. Playing the cool girl who never gets upset
During my first year at the university, I used to play the cool guy role.
I would try not to act upset with people even when they treated me terribly.
I was always smiling and ready with a joke.
Because of this, people took me for granted.
They did things to me that they won’t tolerate from anybody.
They did it because they knew they could get away with it.
One time, I got angry with someone, and everyone was shocked.
They didn’t believe I could ever be angry at anyone.
Well, I was done with them treating me disrespectfully, and from then onwards, they treated me with respect.
I know you don’t want to be the lady who complains about her boyfriend all the time.
It is a good thing to do
Nagging is terrible, but you can’t embrace one extreme just to avoid another extreme.
It just doesn’t work that way.
You are trying so hard to be a cool person that you are pretending to yourself and to him.
You don’t complain when he cancels plans at the last minute, you pretend his flirty texts with his ex don’t bother you, and you swallow your emotions to avoid seeming “needy”.
You are not even getting the barest minimum in your relationship, but you act like you are cool with it.
It’s not cool.
You are not being honest with yourself and with him.
A relationship that isn’t built on honesty is a failed project right from the start.
The downside of this “cool girl” act is that he just assumes that you are fine with everything he does.
And the truth is that no one can suppress their emotions for so long.
At some point, your suppressed feelings will eventually explode in an epic and possibly relationship-ending meltdown.
4. Giving financial support without boundaries
I understand the need to provide financial support for your partner.
In fact, the truth is that no relationship can work if the partners don’t support each other.
In marriage, I have never believed that it is the sole duty of the husband to provide.
It is a partnership and partners help each other.
So, a woman supporting her husband financially is a good thing.
But like every other good thing, when it is done without boundaries, it could become a bad thing.
I know a woman who spent many years married to a deadbeat husband who always came up with a new business idea every month.
The sad thing about his business ideas is that they never yielded profit.
She bankrolled him for too long and now it feels like it’s the right thing because she had always done it.
He is also abusive and a terrible husband and father generally.
She is now stuck in that relationship, supporting a man who really doesn’t care about her.
Her actions in the past have backfired on her.
My point is that loaning him money, paying all the bills, or funding his dreams while neglecting your own financial security because you think it is your duty is a trap.
This is especially true for ladies who are not yet married.
You can support your boyfriend but never to the detriment of your own financial security.
I have seen several ladies suffer for this careless decision.
I don’t want you to end up being among them.
If you support him financially without giving any thoughts to your own wellbeing, he may leave you financially stranded while he moves on with his life.
Of course, not all men are like this but a man who truly loves you won’t urge you to do things at your own detriment.
5. Changing themselves to fit his expectations
This is one thing I have seen so much of.
In fact, even some marriage counselors subtly advise women to do the same just for peace to reign in their marriages.
The sad thing about this advice is that it is usually one-sided.
So, we have many women trying to mold themselves into what they think their man wants, only to realize later that they have lost touch with who they really are.
It’s a terrible thing to experience and it usually starts subtly.
When it begins, you just think it’s one small thing you are trying to change.
But the thing with changing yourself to fit someone else’s ideals is that one little change leads to another until you can’t recognize yourself anymore.
If you have ever softened your opinions, pretended to like his hobbies, or downplayed your ambitions because you didn’t want to seem “too much”, you were trying to fit into someone’s ideal image of you.
This could backfire because if you continue to change just to fit his ideals, you will soon wake up feeling like a watered-down version of yourself.
This could cause a lot of resentment because you would finally realize that the only reason you had to change was because he never loved the real you.
He loved an idealized version of you.
Resentment destroys relationships.
So, changing yourself to fit your man’s ideals may not be the way to keep your relationship because you may still end up losing the relationship and yourself.
6. Staying in a relationship out of guilt or fear
Conflicts or issues in relationships shouldn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship.
That’s the truth.
However, sometimes, we stay too long in relationships that are already crashing not because of hope.
Sometimes, women stay in relationships that are not working because they are guilty or afraid of being alone.
When a woman is in a relationship with someone who has done so much for her, she may feel guilty to leave him when things are not working.
She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she stays.
Sometimes, the reasons are even more selfish.
They are afraid of being alone.
They are afraid of having to start over again.
But the truth is that if a relationship is at a dead end, hanging on to the relationship wouldn’t change things.
What it does is that you end up wasting your time, experiencing heartaches, and delaying your own happiness.
When love takes away your self-worth and happiness, it is a sign that the things you are doing in the name of love will backfire.
True love shouldn’t require you to shrink, sacrifice your happiness, or ignore your needs.
The healthiest relationships are built on mutual respect, where both partners can grow together—not at each other’s expense.
So, next time you catch yourself doing something for love that feels more like self-betrayal, pause and ask: Is this really love, or am I just afraid to lose him?