When we hear the word “cheating”, we immediately think of physical affairs involving secret meetups, stolen kisses, and sneaky sexcapades.
But cheating in a marriage goes way beyond that.
Infidelity has been made out to mean physical and emotional cheating, but the true meaning of the word is “to be disloyal” or “betrayal”.
You can be disloyal in so many ways without even considering having an affair.
Cheating is any act that betrays the exclusivity and commitment expected in a committed relationship.
Sadly, many people don’t know this, and so they engage in various forms of betrayals while rationalizing their actions with “at least, I am not cheating”.
Well, I am happy to give you this news, any action that violates the trust you should have in an exclusive relationship is cheating.
Emotional distance, hidden online interactions, and even financial deceit can be just as damaging as physical affairs.
So, if you have ever wondered, “Is this cheating?”, it probably is.
Here are the different ways trust can be broken in a marriage.
Spoiler alert: some are very obvious while others are subtle.
7 Types Of Cheating In A Marriage
1. Physical Affairs
This is the most recognizable type of cheating in marriage.
If a married person complains to you about being cheated on by her partner, you would most likely assume that they are referring to physical affairs.
In case you need a definition, it involves having a sexual relationship with someone outside your marriage.
Whether it’s a one-night stand or a long-term affair, this type of cheating has shattered many marriages.
The truth is that no one cares what type of physical affair you have.
It is a terrible betrayal of trust and can be considered to be a deal breaker in relationships.
One time, I had this promising talking stage with a lady, but I ended it all when she said she didn’t consider cheating to be a deal breaker because it is men’s nature to cheat.
Being with her was going to give me a free pass to do anything I wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to think of it.
Taking such a deep betrayal of trust as normal has to be one of the most messed-up things that could happen to a person.
When this type of cheating occurs in relationships, it causes a lot of trouble.
Some couples recover from it, especially when the guilty party is repentant.
However, some marriages never recover from experiencing this type of cheating.
If you love your partner and your relationship, it’s best to avoid all forms of inappropriateness.
Cheating is not a mistake, so don’t think that you can bring that up as an excuse.
Become more intentional about your life.
In life, we face temptations.
You must exercise self-control and know when to leave certain environments.
Be intentional about the company you keep.
Be intentional about your marriage.
2. Emotional cheating
This is a subtle type of cheating.
Sometimes, the most dangerous affairs don’t involve physical touch.
Emotional cheating occurs when one partner invests more time, affection, and emotional energy into someone else than into their spouse.
In other words, it means transferring the attention that should be given to your partner to someone else.
The reason why this can be so dangerous is its subtle nature.
It happens so slowly that no one notices until it becomes so advanced.
It could also be with anybody: a close friend, a coworker, or even an online connection.
The one time I had an emotional affair, it was with a friend.
We had been friends for a long time without anything happening.
Then, it started slowly.
I was having issues in my relationship, so I was confiding in her.
There’s nothing wrong with having friends who can support you.
But the problem was that my problems didn’t go away.
Instead, they increased, and I confided in her more.
Finally, my girlfriend stopped acting out and started showing interest in working on the relationship, but by then, I had experienced a sharp shift in my affection.
I realized that I no longer liked my girlfriend in that way, and if I had a choice about whom to be in a relationship with, I would choose my friend.
I was still spending more time with her, but we were no longer talking about my relationship.
The subject of our conversation had changed to other things.
If something were to happen to me, she would be the first person I would speak to about what was happening.
If I got some good news from work, she would be the first to hear of it.
The things I was sharing with her were things I should have been sharing with my girlfriend.
When I realized this, I knew that I couldn’t continue my relationship.
I could never think of my girlfriend that way anymore.
I ended the emotional affair, though.
She had a boyfriend, and I didn’t want things to become even more awkward.
Emotional affairs are dangerous because even the person committing it may not realize what they are doing until it is too late to save their marriage.
Here’s how to spot an emotional affair: If you are sharing all your intimate thoughts or seeking comfort from one person instead of your partner, it’s an emotional affair.
So, ask yourself a simple question.
“Who is the first person I always want to talk to?”
If the answer is not your spouse, you are having an emotional affair, and you need to end it before it destroys your relationship.
3. Micro-cheating
Hmmm, this is the gray area people hardly talk about.
There are small actions that feel like cheating, even if you may rationalize and say they are not cheating.
These actions are referred to as micro-cheating.
That it is “micro” doesn’t make it any less destructive.
So, don’t be deceived by the name.
What actions can be classified under this?
Well, I don’t understand why people stalk their exes, but I just know that when you do this, it is firmly categorized under micro-cheating.
Why are you still stalking your ex even when you are married?
Some people even take things a notch higher and flirt with their ex.
I have news for this category of people.
It’s not being friendly.
You are flirting with an ex when you are married.
It’s a betrayal of trust, and this is why you have to do it secretly.
Anything you have to do secretly without your partner’s knowledge is inappropriate.
Stop it now while you still have a working relationship.
Flirting with coworkers also falls under this category.
I know many married people play around with the concept of “office husband” and “office wife.”
It could be a joke for most people, but for some others, it is the beginning of inappropriate interactions.
The issue with micro-cheating is that these actions can be dismissed as harmless, but over time, they can erode trust in the relationship.
4. Physical affair without sex
Once, a woman broke up with her boyfriend because he kissed another woman, and she found out.
Many people felt like she was doing too much.
“It’s just a kiss.”
They didn’t understand why she was getting so worked up over a “little kiss”.
Well, I understood.
I have once written about how kisses can even be more intimate than sex.
Kisses are intimate.
Kissing someone who isn’t your partner is cheating.
It may have been just a little kiss, but your motives for doing it matter.
You can’t escape the consequences of your betrayal by saying, “It was only a kiss.”
The fact that sex isn’t involved doesn’t make it any less hurtful.
So, a physical affair without sex is still cheating!
5. Digital cheating
With the advancement of technology, cheating doesn’t have to be physical.
A lot of good can be credited to technology.
But it has also ‘kinda’ made it easier for cheaters to cheat and even cover their tracks.
People now sext and send explicit pictures of themselves to others.
They also engage in online relationships with emotional affairs and even a little bit of virtual sex.
The first time I heard about virtual sex, I found it hard to wrap my head around the concept.
The person who told me mentioned that it would be done via a video call, where you can see the other person, and then you would begin to do things to your body while imagining they are the ones doing it.
Some married people have managed to convince themselves that doing something like this isn’t exactly cheating.
News flash, it is cheating!
Virtual or physical, cheating is cheating.
Some people even use dating apps, and when you ask why, they say they are just being curious and adventurous.
Well, if you are married and you are still swiping right on dating apps, you are cheating on your partner.
Dating apps are not meant for married people.
I have one last controversial addition to make to this list: OnlyFans!
I know several married men who are major subscribers to OnlyFans models.
I am not limiting it to men alone because I know there are several married women who subscribe to such sites.
People can argue that it is not cheating because there are no emotions involved.
The truth is, emotions are involved.
The subscriber fantasizes about the model and that is the only reason they keep on subscribing to watch that particular model.
They may say, “It’s just online,” but the betrayal still hurts.
They know this on some subconscious level because they always keep these activities secret.
6. Financial infidelity
I bet you didn’t expect this one.
Recently, I came across a woman who said, “My husband’s money is our money, while my money is my money.”
She said this, and several other women agreed with this ridiculous statement.
Apart from the fact that it negates everything a partnership should stand for, it is also financial infidelity, especially if she hides her income from him.
What people don’t realize is that money secrets can be just as damaging as romantic ones.
Secrets in general should have no place in a marriage.
If one spouse is hiding debts, making big purchases without discussion, or even maintaining a secret bank account, it creates a breach of trust.
Regardless of the reasons for lying about their financial situation, financial infidelity is still financial infidelity.
The reasons could range from actually funding a physical affair to funding a gambling addiction or a drug addiction problem.
Either way, a financial cheater will hide their money while they spend yours or spend the entire savings and put you in debt.
The sad part is that they would also keep this hidden from you until you finally discover it.
7. Neglecting your partner
Most people don’t realize that intentionally ignoring their partners can also be called cheating.
Still wondering?
Let me make my case.
When a person gets married, they have to make vows to each other.
Those vows are more than just ceremonial jargon.
They are promises.
And when you willfully begin to break these promises, you can be said to be cheating your partner of the benefits of being married to you.
This one is really subtle because it doesn’t involve another person.
It’s just avoidance.
When a spouse consistently ignores their partner’s emotional or physical needs, and prioritizes work, friends, or hobbies over the marriage, or withdraws affection, it can feel like abandonment.
Whatever you have prioritized over your spouse is your affair partner.
It’s just that simple.
Work, friends, and hobbies are great, but they shouldn’t take the place of your marriage.
If you get to a point where hanging out with friends or playing golf is more important than spending time with your spouse, then you need to redraw a scale of preference and decide who should be the most important person in your life.
This is because over time, emotional neglect can push your partner to seek connection elsewhere.
Some couples rebuild trust after infidelity, but it takes brutal honesty, therapy, and a real commitment to change.
Other times, the damage is irreparable.
The most important thing is knowing which behaviors cross the line before they escalate into something you can’t control.
Ultimately, cheating is not always black and white.
There are also gray areas.
These gray areas refer to actions that are “kind of” like cheating.
So, if you feel like you have to keep something secret from your partner and it is not a surprise birthday gift, you are already crossing the line into the cheating zone.
Be more intentional about your actions!