Not trying to be pessimistic here, but not every couple is happy in the bedroom.
While some are lovers inside and outside the bedroom, some are like married roommates: no passion, no spark, just two people sharing a bed.
The couples who are happy in the bedroom are definitely doing something right, and I’ll let you in on their secrets.
So, here are six bedroom secrets happy couples swear by:
6 Bedroom Secrets Happy Couples Swear By
1. They Make Time for Intimacy
Married life, especially with kids, is super-busy!
If you and your spouse are not careful, your bedroom will be as dry as the Sahara desert.
Because between work, family commitments, church programs (if you are a church-going Christian), and other social activities, where is the time for romance?
This is where happy couples stand out.
They make time for intimacy.
They understand that you only have time for what you make time for.
So they don’t let all those distractions get in the way.
They prioritize their relationship because they know intimacy is like fuel for the car—it keeps the engine of marriage running smoothly.
I’m not saying you should start setting alarms like, “Ah! 10 p.m.—intimacy time!” (Although sometimes this is necessary. lol)
It’s about being intentional.
Even if your day is packed, find small pockets of time to connect.
Maybe it’s a quick cuddle (read as quickie) in the morning before the kids wake up or staying up late at night to just be together.
In fact, if you have kids, don’t feel guilty about sending them to bed early sometimes.
You and your spouse need time too.
Happy couples make better parents.
So you are not only doing it for yourselves, you are also doing it for them.
Making time for intimacy is not just for “when things are okay.”
As a matter of fact, it’s exactly what you need to fix things when they’re not.
Nigerians would say, “Body no be firewood.” (Meaning we are not machines and our bodies need physical touch).
Well, neither is marriage.
If you want it to stay warm and alive, you must keep adding to the fire.
2. They Keep Technology Out of the Bedroom
Try to imagine life without technology.
No phones, laptops, tablets, or the internet.
Even though it sounds impossible, there was a time we lived without them.
But now, it’s hard to imagine a world where we don’t have constant access to technology.
In fact, many of us now suffer NOMOPHOBIA (Fear Of Missing Out on Our Phones).
We can’t go a few minutes without checking our social media or responding to emails.
We get impatient when the internet is slow, or our phone battery dies.
But what about the bedroom?
Do we really need technology in there, too?
Some of us even have TVs in our bedrooms.
I do. (Covers eyes in shame)
Happy couples know that phones, laptops, and TVs can ruin intimacy.
When one partner is glued to their phone, scrolling social media or watching videos, it sends a message: “This is more important than us.”
Couples who are happy in the bedroom use that time to talk, cuddle, or be present.
They understand that the bedroom is for rest, connection, and intimacy, not distractions.
I’m not saying you can’t bring your devices into the bedroom with you (some couples don’t), but make sure you use them for the right reasons.
Checking work emails, scrolling through social media, or binge-watching shows can wait until your intimate time with your partner is over.
Use that time to connect and bond with each other.
Talk about your day, share your thoughts and feelings, or simply enjoy the physical closeness of cuddling together.
It’s not easy; you have to be intentional about it, which is why some couples are happy and some are not.
If it were easy, every couple would be happy.
3. They Talk About What They Like
Even though couples seem to look more alike the longer they’re together, they’re still individual people with their likes and dislikes.
And no matter how much you know and love your partner, you cannot read their mind.
That’s why we always emphasize communication because really, no one is a mind reader.
One of the biggest mistakes couples make in the bedroom is assuming their partner knows what they want or like.
Expecting your partner to magically know what you want is a recipe for frustration.
Happy couples don’t shy away from talking about what they like in the bedroom because they know communication is the key to satisfaction.
For example, let’s say your partner assumes you love a certain move, but deep down, you’re like, “Nah. This isn’t it.”
Instead of suffering in silence, happy couples speak up.
They might say things like,
“Babe, I enjoy it when you….. Can we do more of that?”
“I’d love to try something new—what do you think about…..?”
These conversations don’t have to be formal or awkward.
They can happen casually during a cuddle session, walking, watching a movie, or during the act itself.
When couples talk about what they like, they eliminate the guesswork.
They don’t have to wonder if their partner is enjoying themselves or if they are doing something wrong.
Imagine the difference between feeling unsure about whether your efforts are appreciated versus knowing exactly what makes your partner happy.
That confidence and clarity, money cannot buy.
4. They Laugh Easily
I usually say that if you don’t laugh during physical intimacy, you are doing it with the wrong person.
Laughter and intimacy go hand in hand because they both require vulnerability.
When you’re laughing with someone, it means you are comfortable and open with them.
And when you’re physically intimate with someone, it also requires vulnerability and trust.
So, couples who can laugh together during these moments are happier than those who can’t.
Physical intimacy doesn’t always have to be serious.
That’s B.O.R.I.N.G!
Happy couples embrace the awkward and funny moments that can pop up in the bedroom.
They laugh it off instead of letting it ruin the mood.
I’d have given some personal examples, but that’d be TMI.
But let’s say there have been plenty of times when my husband and I have burst into laughter during intimate moments.
And instead of feeling embarrassed, we roll with it and continue having a good time.
In fact, those moments bring us even closer because we can be ourselves with each other.
Humor is a powerful bonding tool; when you can laugh together in those vulnerable moments, you create memories that bring you guys closer.
5. They Create a Comfortable Atmosphere
My housekeeper knows she should wash our bathroom daily, mop the bedroom floor, change the bedsheets frequently, make the bed daily, and organize the room.
My bedroom isn’t just a place to crash—it’s our sanctuary.
That’s why I don’t hold back when it comes to making it smell good.
I splurge on high-quality candles, essential oils, and room sprays to create a relaxing and inviting atmosphere.
Happy couples have this mindset too.
Imagine coming home after having a long day at work.
You walk into a room with fresh sheets, maybe a soft lamp glowing in the corner, and the fan, AC, or heater on (depending on your weather condition).
Calming, isn’t it?
Compare that to entering a room with clothes scattered everywhere, a bed that hasn’t been made since morning, and a buzzing phone on the nightstand.
Which one feels more inviting?
Exactly.
Happy couples make sure their bedroom feels warm and welcoming.
If your bedroom looks like a war zone right now, no wahala.
Start small—clear a little clutter, change the sheets, maybe add a soft pillow or a cozy blanket.
You’ll be amazed at how much more inviting your room feels.
And when the atmosphere is right, connecting with your partner feels natural.
Comfortable room, comfortable vibes—happy couple.
Simple as that.
And don’t forget, it’s a team effort.
It’s not one person doing all the tidying while the other lounges around or turns it upside down.
6. They Don’t Hold Grudges in Bed
Let’s say you and your partner had a heated argument earlier in the day.
Now it’s bedtime, and instead of reconnecting, both of you are lying there stiff as robots, backs turned, silent as the grave.
Happy couples know better.
They make a conscious effort not to bring unresolved grudges into the bedroom.
I’m not saying you won’t fight or even go to bed angry sometimes.
But when it comes to intimacy, they realize the importance of not letting it interfere with their intimate moments.
Grudges and intimacy don’t mix.
If one partner is still holding on to anger or frustration, it creates emotional distance, making it hard to connect.
Happy couples understand this and either resolve the issue before bedtime or agree to temporarily set it aside.
How does this sound: “I know we haven’t figured this out yet, but let’s talk about it tomorrow. Tonight, let’s just focus on us.”
Isn’t it better than being in bed with someone you love but feeling distant and disconnected?
In fact, happy couples use intimacy to heal their relationship.
No, they are not sweeping problems under the rug with sex; it’s about choosing connection over conflict in the moment.
The bedroom isn’t just a physical space—it’s where emotional and physical bonds are strengthened.
If every disagreement follows you to bed, intimacy will slowly disappear, replaced by tension.
Happy couples prioritize their relationship over the argument, even if they’re still upset.
They let the bedroom be a place of peace, not a battlefield.
If you want your marriage to be a happy one and you want your bedroom as hot as it can be, copy these six bedroom secrets of happy couples.
You’re welcome!