It’s funny how many married people don’t really talk to each other.
At least it’s not about the things that truly matter.
People marry thinking that love is the answer to everything in marriage, and they later get shocked when they discover that it is not.
The reality is that having open, honest, and meaningful conversations with your spouse is crucial for maintaining a successful relationship.
Not just the casual “How was your day?” chats but deep, meaningful, and sometimes uncomfortable conversations.
Yeah, having difficult conversations is important if you want to enjoy your relationship.
While every relationship may be unique, there are certain important topics every wife should discuss with her husband.
This is very important because it ensures that they know each other’s standpoints on those subjects and if they need to make compromises.
Of course, compromises are only necessary when they have divergent values and opinions on a matter.
Discussing these topics early is quite important because it saves a lot of stress, pain, and conflicts.
After all, they say “A stitch in time saves nine”.
Here are some key conversations that wives must have with their husbands before it’s too late.
N.B.: Waiting for the right time is usually a way of trying to delay the inevitable, and it could very well lead to having the conversation at the wrong time.
Let’s get started.
8 Conversations Every Wife Must Have With Her Husband Before It’s Too Late
1. Finances
This conversation is an important one on all levels.
Marriage isn’t a journey that can be embarked upon lightly.
This is true for many reasons.
One of them is the fact that “love doesn’t pay the bills”.
I have seen many people ignore financial discussions and get married because they are in love.
Well, many of them have said that love is not enough to make marriage work.
Let’s face it…
Money is one of the top reasons couples fight.
Where I come from, a woman who fights her husband because of finances is usually called a materialistic woman.
But the truth is that it is not materialistic to want to be comfortable financially.
Another important truth to consider is that the whole fight about finances doesn’t have to happen.
There is a better way to handle things, and that is the way I have come to show you.
Do you dream of retiring early?
Does he want to splurge on a luxury car?
Whatever your financial priorities, aligning them early can save you from countless arguments down the road.
I know a man who got himself a luxury car while his son was starving in school.
I really felt bad for the guy.
His mom tried to send him as much money as she could, but she didn’t really earn much from her job.
This is why it is important that you discuss financial priorities with your husband early in the relationship.
If your mindsets are not aligned, then you can both work out ways to address the differences.
2. Family planning
“She go born till she die!”
I remember hearing these very words as a kid from a man who attended our church.
The meaning of the statement is “She will continue giving birth till she dies”.
That day, they were trying to educate the uneducated members of the church on the benefits of family planning.
Trust me, they really needed it.
A particular woman in that church gave birth to eleven children– ten boys and a girl.
I used to jokingly call them a full football squad.
Anyway, the man who was vehemently against family planning kept on impregnating his wife until she died while giving birth to the eighth child.
I know your case can’t be this terrible, but I believe it wouldn’t hurt to talk to your husband about family planning and the number of children he wants.
In fact, I think this should be a foregone conclusion since the courtship period, but if you are just married, it is not too late to talk about it.
If you don’t have children yet, discuss whether you both want kids, how many, and when.
Do it now!
Don’t wait until it is too late.
3. Parenting styles
Parenting styles are another crucial thing you need to discuss with your husband if you have kids or if you plan to.
Children are blessings.
So, it makes me feel really sad to see couples fighting because of their kids.
It also affects them weirdly.
You need to discuss your perspective on discipline and how to instill it in your children.
You also need to hear his perspective.
What values do you want to instill in your children?
These are really important questions to ask.
I know a man who had several serious fights with his wife just because she was more forceful in disciplining the kids.
He prefers verbally chastising a child or asking the child to stay in their room even when their favorite TV show is on.
But his wife literally believed in using an actual rod to ensure her kids were not spoiled.
If they had discussed parenting styles earlier, they wouldn’t have had to fight because of their differences.
They would have been able to reach a suitable compromise.
Parents need to present a united front to their children.
4. Career and life goals
I know.
It feels like career and life goals are alien discussions to have in a relationship.
But they are very important to the success of the relationship.
Several years ago, I was dating a lady.
I was very unserious about things.
One day, she asked me, “Where do you see yourself in the next five years?”
I was shocked because I had never considered it.
In fact, at the time, I didn’t know where I saw myself in the next two days.
My response to her question wasn’t satisfactory.
She was looking for something serious, so she knew to move on early enough.
Marriage is a partnership, and that means supporting each other’s dreams.
Ask your husband about his aspirations—both personal and professional.
Share your own goals, too.
Whether it’s starting a business, traveling the world, or writing a novel, knowing you are each other’s biggest cheerleaders can strengthen your bond.
You would also need to talk about potential sacrifices, relocations, or changes that may arise due to career opportunities and what to do in such situations.
One time, I heard about a couple who were getting divorced because the wife got a great job offer abroad, and she was determined to take it while her husband insisted that she mustn’t.
It became a big conflict and soon deteriorated into a situation where the wife was seeking a divorce.
According to her, this was the biggest opportunity of her lifetime, and she wasn’t going to forfeit it just because her husband wasn’t cool with it.
Another couple had a series of fights because the husband was angry that his wife always returned home later than him.
She owns a shop and, as such, has some autonomy in determining how long she stays at work.
But she still wasn’t coming home early.
That was the husband’s grievance.
After many fights, compromises had to be made, and right now, they are enjoying a peaceful period in their relationship.
This is why you need to ensure you’re both on the same page about work-life balance and how it impacts your relationship.
It’s best to deal with all of these ahead than waiting for the crisis to occur before talking about it.
5. Intimacy
You need to talk about intimacy with your husband.
It is very important because intimacy is not just about sexual gymnastics, right?
It also involves emotional closeness.
It is important for wives to talk to their husbands about their needs.
Express your needs in actual words, not by giving signals and expecting him to just know what is going on with you.
It is also important that you discuss your physical intimacy expectations.
This includes the frequency of sexual intercourse and preferences, of course.
You will also learn his preferences and come to an understanding of whether they are a little divergent.
People have weird sexual preferences, and sometimes, they can’t be fulfilled.
Imagine an asthmatic man married to a woman who loves to choke her partner.
That’s a recipe for disaster.
All of these have to be clarified early on to prevent stories that touch the heart.
Apart from this, you need to learn how to love each other better.
We all give and receive love differently.
Take the time to learn your husband’s love language—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch—and share yours with him.
This simple conversation can transform how you express love and strengthen your emotional connection.
6. Conflict resolution
I know some people whose go-to response to conflict is silent treatment.
This could pose a lot of problems in marriage because I personally feel that silent treatment is a destructive way of handling conflicts.
We shouldn’t just say, “That’s how I handle conflicts.”
Instead, we should always strive to improve.
So, you need to talk about how you both handle conflicts.
This discussion is geared towards discovering strategies that can help you handle conflict resolution constructively.
Having this conversation will help you identify any recurring issues in the relationship, whether in communication or other areas, and how to improve on them.
7. Dealing with in-laws
In-laws!
This is a very important discussion to have with your husband.
In fact, I believe that this conversation should be had during courtship.
But if you didn’t talk about it then, better late than never.
When partners exchange their vows at the altar, they don’t include in-laws.
But you don’t need to include them when they have already included themselves.
In most marriages, in-law interference is not an unusual occurrence.
Some in-laws are naturally troublesome, while others want to genuinely help, but they can be really clumsy about it.
Anyway, interference is interference, regardless of noble intentions.
Wives need to discuss in-law interference with their husbands early in the marriage because, where I come from, wives suffer the most from it.
Talk to him about how to handle extended family.
What boundaries should be set in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts?
It is important that you know his views on this matter before even marrying him.
I know a man in my community who is still attached to his mother’s apron strings.
He is married, but his mom dictates everything that happens in his house.
Once, he sent his wife packing because his mother asked him to.
Ladies, I have to tell you the truth…
A grown man who is still acting like a mummy’s boy is a red flag.
He is still attached to his mother’s apron strings, and you think it is cute because you believe that he will transfer that allegiance to you once you are married.
You are believing a lie.
If you want to have a successful marriage, both you and your husband must prioritize your marriage over any form of outside influence.
8. Future plans
Life can get so busy that it is easy to get caught up in the moment.
However, it is important to consider the future.
Where do you want to be twenty or thirty years from now?
What kind of life do you want to build together?
These conversations can help you align your long-term visions and ensure you’re working toward the same goals.
This is why it is important to keep on growing together.
Married couples should have a couple of shared goals to attain together.
This will help them grow together.
One time, I had to take an online course alone.
It took me too long to finish.
Another time, I took another course with a friend, and it was like magic.
I went through the course so fast because I had company.
This is the same way working together towards a goal helps couples to attain the goal faster.
Having this conversation about the future can always keep you feeling excited about your future and the future of the marriage.
The truth is, no marriage is perfect.
There will be ups and downs.
But the key to a lasting, loving relationship is communication.
Don’t wait for a crisis to have these conversations.
Start today.
Be brave, be honest, and be open to listening.
The heart-to-heart talks you have now could be the very thing that saves your marriage in the future.