Intimacy has always been linked with love and marriage.
Physical intimacy is very important in marriage.
However, as a kid growing up, adults would usually make us feel like physical intimacy wasn’t something you would want to do all the time when you have been married for long.
Of course, we didn’t believe that because, to us, sex and all other associated benefits of romantic relationships like marriage seemed like a novelty.
Now, I am older, and I think that there may be a little bit of truth in what the adults had to say about sex.
Perhaps they didn’t say it just to discourage us.
This brings up a very important question, though: if physical intimacy is so important to marriage, yet couples can get tired of it, how long can a couple stay without physical intimacy?
This is a really big question, and if you are expecting a definite answer in weeks, months, or years, I am so sorry to disappoint you.
There is no exact science for measuring this, and relationships are unique.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question.
However, we can consider the various factors couples need to consider when dealing with physical intimacy droughts and how to address them.
How Long Can A Couple Stay Without Physical Intimacy?– 6 Factors To Be Considered
Before we start, I must clarify something: physical intimacy is not just sex alone.
It encompasses affectionate touches and physical closeness.
However, in this article, I will be more focused on sexual intimacy.
It is from this standpoint that we will be speaking about physical intimacy.
Let’s get started!
1. Distance
I have seen my own fair share of long-distance marriages.
Due to various reasons, couples may have to stay long distances from each other.
It could be due to work or study.
Either way, I have seen couples who have long-distance marriages.
Navigating the physical intimacy conundrum can be very tasking for them.
However, they can do it with determination and commitment on both ends.
One time, I was discussing with my friend whose wife was studying for her Masters in the UK, and he was talking about how dealing with his sexual urges had been very difficult.
He said that just the other day, he had been involved in a little make-out session with a coworker.
But when it was time to go all the way, he stopped out of guilt.
He said his coworker had tried to coerce him into continuing by pointing out that he didn’t even know what his wife was doing overseas.
You know the “we listen, we don’t judge” thing trending on Twitter, right?
Well, I guess my face showed that I judged because he had to defensively say “My brother, body no be firewood”– Nigerian pidgin slang that translates into “My brother, I have sexual urges”.
Not being physically intimate for a long period is a necessary evil in a situation where two partners stay far away from each other.
Both parties need to communicate often during this period because sometimes it gets too difficult to remember your marriage vows when you are horny.
This is not an excuse for any misbehavior anyway.
A man should be able to exercise self-control; otherwise, even when his wife is around, she still won’t be sure that he can control himself out there.
The same advice goes to women.
Communicate with your partners frequently if you are in a long-distance marriage, avoid being caught in compromising positions with the opposite sex, and avoid any form of inappropriate conversation with the opposite gender, and you will be fine.
It won’t be easy, but you will be able to keep yourselves together until you are together physically.
Then, you can proceed to catch up on all that you have missed.
2. Communication
How well do you and your partner communicate?
See, there is more to intimacy than the physical aspect.
Intimacy is more than bedroom gymnastics and cuddles.
It is the ability to know someone so well that you know almost every part of her.
You know how she thinks and can even predict her reaction to things.
I have a friend I met online.
We have hardly spent time together physically, but I feel like I know her better than any other person in my life.
She feels the same way, too, and this is a result of communication.
Another factor that can make couples last for long without physical intimacy is how well they communicate.
Communication sometimes fills the hole left by a lack of physical intimacy.
Especially when both partners are not in a position to engage in physical intimacy.
Constant communication is a way to build an emotional connection to your partner.
Couples with stronger emotional bonds will likely be better equipped to handle periods without physical intimacy.
I am not saying it is easy, but they can handle it better because they have built other forms of intimacy that can sustain them.
3. Individual libido levels
This is strictly associated with sexual intimacy.
When couples have the same level of libido, it is usually easier for them to manage longer periods without sexual intimacy.
Physical intimacy is another ball game entirely.
How can you be with your partner and not even touch each other?
No hugs, kisses, or even holding hands for a period?
That’s not a positive sign at all.
Even when couples don’t have sex for a period, it shouldn’t affect other aspects of physical intimacy, except it is caused by underlying issues.
If your partner doesn’t even show an inclination to touch you affectionately for a period, it could be a sign that they are losing their physical attraction to you.
However, if it is just sex, there may be other factors at play.
4. Stress/pressure
Stress and external pressure from work and other responsibilities can affect how long a couple can go without sex.
In fact, I think that those adults who told us we would get tired of sex when we married were talking about this.
I come from a nation where people have to labor hard to get the bare minimum, and with the recent inflations, I can imagine that the stress and pressure have worsened.
Single guys complain about not being able to make ends meet.
Then you can imagine what is happening to many married people.
The additional responsibility of having children and catering to them in this sort of hostile economy can influence how long a couple can last without sex.
High stress and fatigue can reduce sexual desire and frequency considerably.
5. The quality of nonsexual intimacy
Earlier on, I clarified that we would be viewing this physical intimacy mostly from the sexual angle.
This is because even in successful relationships, couples usually have times when they don’t have sex.
However, the other aspects of physical intimacy are essential aspects of those relationships.
If your relationship is working, expressing affection to each other is just normal, even when you don’t make love.
If you don’t see that expression of affection in your relationship for a long time, it is a sign that something is terribly wrong.
Couples who express affection for each other through hugs, kisses, cuddling, and spending quality time together feel more connected.
They are less pressured by a lack of sexual activity and can manage periods without sex better than others.
This is because they have built a level of intimacy that transcends sexual intimacy over time.
6. Health issues
If the health of one partner is seriously affected, physical intimacy may take a back seat.
I know a couple that have not had sex for years because of the husband’s health issues.
His wife knows that his health is more important than sexual satisfaction and, therefore, understands that there are other ways to build intimacy in marriage.
There are several factors that may contribute to how long a couple can last without physical intimacy.
However, the big question remains.
How long is too long without physical intimacy?
The actual truth is that there is no universal timeline for how long is too long without sex for a married couple.
For some, a week feels like an eternity; for others, months may pass without threatening their bond.
While physical intimacy can enhance feelings of closeness and satisfaction in relationships, it’s not the sole determinant of a successful partnership.
What matters is alignment.
If couples are on the same page about their needs and expectations, even prolonged periods of abstinence can be handled gracefully.
However, if one partner isn’t on board, resentment can set in and, with it, a host of other issues.
Ultimately, love isn’t measured by the frequency with which couples have sex.
It’s seen in the small acts of kindness, mutual respect, and shared dreams that form the basis of the connection between couples.
So, how long can a couple stay without physical intimacy?
The real question should be, “How do couples nurture their connection, regardless of the circumstance?”
NB: Anything that negatively affects the quality of your relationship with your partner isn’t a good thing. If your period without sex is already beginning to impact your relationship, you need to reignite physical intimacy.