The first time someone asked me to eat with them, I joined heartily.
I was a kid and I didn’t know that the invitation to eat with a person was just the polite thing to do when they are the only one eating.
I also didn’t know that picking up a spoon and joining them was impolite.
I later found out that I was supposed to say “thank you” to the invitation.
I didn’t understand the reason for all the dance.
I mean, if you don’t want me to eat with you, don’t invite me and expect a polite response from me.
This delicate dance between what’s polite and the truth doesn’t stop there.
It continues even into our relationships.
We want to be kind to our partners, to avoid hurting them, and to keep the peace.
But sometimes politeness can mask deeper truths…
A polite response to “Come and eat with me” could mask hunger.
Similarly, in relationships, your partner’s politeness may mask dissatisfaction with many things.
If your partner is not genuinely satisfied in a relationship, it may mean they are just trying to “manage” the relationship.
This shouldn’t be so.
However, trying to discern if your partner is truly satisfied or just being polite could be quite tricky.
On one hand, you don’t want to overthink every word or gesture.
On the other, you don’t want to miss the signs that something may be off.
So, what do you do?
Here are some tips to help you tell if your partner is truly satisfied or just being polite.
How To Tell If Your Partner Is Truly Satisfied Or Just Being Polite In 6 Ways
1. Observe their body language
As kids, we were taught to always observe body language.
The average African mother knows how to keep her child in line by just clearing her throat or looking at the child.
No words are needed, factory setting is already restored without any time wasted.
So, yeah, you can say I am a master at understanding body language.
In fact, I hardly get it wrong.
There are some times, though, when you may read too much meaning in a person’s body language.
The truth is, if you are looking for meaning beyond a person’s words, look at their body language when they speak.
Body language speaks a lot louder than words sometimes.
Pay attention to your partner’s non-verbal cues during interactions.
Genuine satisfaction is often accompanied by relaxed posture, natural eye contact, and genuine smiles.
On the other hand, if your partner’s body language seems tense or forced, it could indicate dissatisfaction regardless of whatever they say.
Satisfaction in relationships is about more than sexual satisfaction; for instance, every partner instinctively knows when their partner is satisfied sexually.
There are smiles and cuddles at the end.
There is a sense of rest in the charged atmosphere.
On the other hand, a dissatisfied partner remains tense– this time, not with sexual tension but disappointment.
Even when they pretend to be satisfied, a sensitive partner can always discern the truth from their tense body language and how they turn their backs on them.
That’s the power of body language.
Most people have no control over their body language.
So, it gives away the things they may be reluctant to speak about.
2. Pay attention to their tone
The tone of voice is a powerful indicator of what a person is feeling.
When your partner speaks with enthusiasm, warmth, and sincerity, it’s a good sign that they are genuinely content.
If their tone seems flat, disinterested, or overly enthusiastic without matching body language, it might be a sign that they are being polite rather than truly satisfied.
Enthusiasm is hard to fake.
If truly your partner is satisfied with you, their excitement will show.
They will be excited to spend time with you because you satisfy their emotional needs.
One time, I witnessed a guy literally begging a lady to go on a date with him.
She started with a whole bunch of excuses, and the only thing that convinced her was when he sent her a huge sum of money.
I thought she was a stranger, only for him to mention that she had been his girlfriend for six months and that they always went through this routine before she went on a date with him.
He said, “She is just playing hard to get.”
I didn’t say anything, but I wondered when girlfriends started playing hard to get and needing bribes to go on dates with their boyfriends.
She wasn’t even trying to be polite, but this guy wasn’t getting the hint.
She probably wasn’t attracted to him, and only the money made dating him worthwhile for her.
It may be a little different with your partner.
It is possible to love someone and not be truly satisfied by them.
In this case, their responses to you may just be lukewarm if they are trying to be polite.
It’s just like if I am invited to a party by someone I can’t afford to offend.
First, I am not a party person, but I would attend to be polite.
And if I am asked if I am enjoying the party, I will, of course, respond affirmatively, even if all I wish for is the comfort and solitude of my house.
I did this at a friend’s party, and she smiled and said, “I know you want to go already. You can go home. I won’t feel bad about you leaving”.
Well, I didn’t leave because friendship is about sacrifice, and sometimes you need to sacrifice your comfort just to make someone happy.
I didn’t fool my friend, and such lukewarm responses shouldn’t fool you.
But if they do, the next step should help you discern clearer.
3. Ask open-ended questions
In school, I learned about research methodologies.
While I like quantitative research, I absolutely love qualitative research.
It’s so wonderful how you can get people to talk about things if you ask the right questions.
So, the same questions that are answered with “yes or no” in quantitative research can elicit a full response when asked in qualitative research.
Why?
Because of the way the questions are asked.
Engage your partner in open-ended conversations.
When you do this, it encourages honesty and thoughtfulness.
Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, try questions like, “How do you feel about our current situation?” or “What can we do to make things even better?”.
These questions will grant you access to your partner’s thoughts better than a “Are you satisfied with me?” question.
Open-ended conversations give them the opportunity to express their feelings in a meaningful conversation.
4. Pay attention to feedback
Constructive feedback is a sign that your partner feels comfortable enough to express their true feelings.
If your partner offers specific suggestions or insights on how to improve aspects of your relationship, it shows that they are invested in making things better.
The truth is that it is impossible to totally satisfy your partner.
There are days that you may fall short.
The fact that they can give constructive feedback is a sign that while they were not satisfied, they know you can be better and want you to be the best version of yourself.
Conversely, if they avoid giving feedback or only offer vague compliments, it might indicate they are being polite rather than fully satisfied.
One time, I was leading a team on a project I had little experience with.
Some of the other guys on the team had more experience.
Because of this, I encouraged feedback but most of the time I got nothing from them.
They would rather agree with me than express themselves, even when they knew I wasn’t doing things optimally.
With them, I was never sure if I was doing the right thing or if they were just patronizing me.
If your partner shows a reluctance to give feedback, it is definitely a sign that something is wrong.
Encourage them to give feedback.
It could save your relationship.
5. Observe changes in behavior
The only constant thing in life is change, right?
This shows how we all have to keep on evolving with the times.
However, some changes are not good.
These are the kinds of changes you should look out for if you want to know if your partner is truly satisfied.
If your partner’s behavior shifts from positive to distant or disengaged, it could be a sign of underlying dissatisfaction.
If your partner frowns more or is quieter than normal, it could be a sign that something is wrong with them.
If someone is truly satisfied with their relationship, there is the glow from within that they normally radiate.
When that is absent, it could be a sign of dissatisfaction.
Conversely, positive changes in behavior, such as increased affection or enthusiasm, can indicate genuine satisfaction.
So, to discover if your partner is truly satisfied with you, you need to be very sensitive to their behavior.
Don’t be an oblivious partner.
6. Ask directly
Well, the best way to get an answer to something is to ask directly.
One of my friends would always say, “Assumption is dangerous.”
So, don’t assume that you know how your partner truly feels because you feel their body language is positive, and they smile a lot.
Sometimes, the best way to know if your partner is truly satisfied is to ask—directly and calmly.
Create a safe space for honesty by expressing your own vulnerability.
You might say, “I want to make sure you’re really happy in our relationship. Is there anything I can do differently to make things even better?”.
Express how you want to actually make them happy before asking them if they are truly happy in the relationship.
Now, the answer to this may not be what you want to hear.
They may actually just have been trying to be polite.
So, what do you do if this is the reality of your relationship?
You don’t need to panic.
It doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is in trouble.
There are a few things you can do.
The first thing to do is to reflect on your own behavior.
Are you creating a safe space for honesty, or do you react defensively to feedback?
You need to encourage open communication by letting your partner know their true feelings are valued.
They don’t need to be polite to you.
Then, you can also focus on spending intentional, distraction-free time together to strengthen your connection.
You should also be ready to implement changes in the needed areas.
Be flexible.
Be amenable to change.
Be spontaneous.
Love isn’t about perfection—it’s about authenticity.
Love built on authenticity and honesty is like a house built upon a rock.
It can’t be moved by the storms of life.