At the height of my quest for love, I was talking to this guy who told me one day that he liked me but was scared of me.
I asked him why he was because that was a strange statement; what could I have done to make him afraid of me?
Then he answered that I was too intelligent.
I was too stunned to speak, but I knew there was no way we could be together.
In the first place, I don’t consider myself that intelligent – not to the point that I want to be anyway – so I constantly seek self-improvement.
If he had a problem with who I was then, how would he handle it if I grew and became the woman I wanted to be?
But this man came out to tell me he would have been intimidated by my success if we married.
For most men who are in his shoes, they don’t often admit it that openly.
Instead, you know through their actions that they are secretly intimidated by their successful wife.
If you want to know how to identify a man intimidated by his wife’s success, continue reading.
Husbands Who Secretly Feel Intimidated By Their Successful Wives Do These 10 Things
1. He Becomes Passive-Aggressive
Passive aggression is a typical behavior of someone who has a problem with you but cannot directly confront it.
So, if a man is secretly intimidated by his successful wife, he will likely make snarky rather than direct comments.
For instance, if he wants his wife to do something for him and she doesn’t immediately reply in the affirmative, he might allude to her success as to why she is not acting as he expects.
This is why many men talk about how women become disrespectful when they make more money when, in fact, it’s their insecurity speaking.
If she doesn’t become extra subservient and somewhat apologize for being successful, an intimidated man can find a problem with it.
But because he doesn’t want to show direct aggression to avoid sounding bitter, he will poke her without actual confrontation.
He might start saying things like: “Oh, you are boss now, so you can’t make me anything I want to eat.”
“I guess because you are now making six figures, you can send me to switch on the light for you.”
This kind of comment is a sign something’s bubbling underneath.
2. He Competes Subtly
An intimidated man may want to one-up his wife, although subtly.
The thing is, no matter how one hides it, when you have a problem with someone, it slips out.
So, without meaning to, he might start mentioning his accomplishments even in situations that don’t warrant them.
He may do it more, especially when hers is being discussed, to make her achievement seem less of a big deal.
You will hear him say things like, “You did this; great. I also did that.”
Although he is not being obvious about it, he often wants to let her know that he’s also doing great things.
This is not to say men cannot talk about their success when their women are also achieving great things.
But it’s strange when a man only brings up his thing when discussing his wife.
3. He Becomes Critical Of Her Career
An intimidated man can also start criticizing other aspects of her career.
For instance, he might suddenly have issues with how long she spends at work.
Of course, he will use the children or himself as a cover and talk about how she is not home enough to be a wife.
Sometimes, he might compare her to other women who are supposedly doing well and spend ample time at home.
If one is not discerning, one might even think he is raising legitimate concerns based on societal expectations that women should prioritize their homes over their careers.
And for more slick men, they may throw in concern for her.
They’d tell her she looks stressed and is not getting enough rest.
It could be a sign that he wants her to slow down because her success intimidates him.
Again, if a man does this, it doesn’t mean there is an ulterior motive.
But when he shows this sign and others on this list, there is a high chance he is intimidated.
4. He Develops An Irrational Need To Assert Dominance
The average man likes to assert dominance, so it’s not strange to see a man who wants to be the dominant voice in the home.
However, it might be a sign of being intimidated when it becomes irrational, especially following his wife’s accomplishment.
Wanting to be the primary decision-maker on essential decisions is not out of place, especially if he’s a traditional man.
But asserting dominance on minor things like dinner, the movie to watch, what to wear and so on could be his way of reclaiming control.
He is convincing himself and wants to make sure you know he is the man of the house despite your accomplishments.
5. Avoids Conversations About Her Achievements
Another sign that a man is secretly intimidated by his wife’s success is when he brings up other topics when she talks about her work.
Typically, couples talk to each other about their work and new projects.
They may even pick their partner’s brain without the person minding.
In fact, he’d be even happy to contribute to her project and success.
But when he finds a way to change the topic when the discussion about her achievement comes up, he might be bitter about it.
Sure, he won’t interrupt directly or say he doesn’t want to talk about it, but he will often find a way to shift the conversation to something else.
6. He Starts Itching For Compliments
Have you encountered people who put themselves down because they want you to compliment them?
Yeah, that’s something a secretly insecure man can do.
You know those people that say, “I look so ugly today” because they want you to say, “No, you look pretty”?
Yeah, that’s precisely it.
He might not say he feels less successful because that’s too obvious, but it can sneak out in other ways.
For instance, he could make self-deprecating jokes so you can counter and compliment him.
It’s a way to reassure himself that you don’t consider him a failure or he is not doing too badly.
He could also become fixated on showing his worth, like handling things that you don’t need his help with or taking up things considered manly by society.
If he used to employ an electrician before for electrical issues in the house, he might insist on doing it himself when he obviously lacks the expertise.
It’s all to get your attention and compliment and to establish his worth.
7. He Gives Over-the-Top Compliments
A man complimenting his wife is normal and even expected.
He should notice her new hairdo and attempt to look good for him; in this context, he should observe and acknowledge her accomplishment.
But he may be intimidated when he starts exaggerating her achievement and even alluding to the fact that she is perfect.
“I’m really happy with the pace your career is going.”
“I’m proud of you and how you smashed that project.”
And compliments like these are great when there is a reason for it.
However, you should watch out when he tells you you are perfect and excellent at everything.
We all know that’s not true because you don’t know or are perfect at everything.
But his saying this, especially regularly and in the most random situations, might mean he is trying to compensate for feeling intimidated.
In this case, he likely feels guilty that he’s not too happy about your success, so he feels the need to compensate with extravagant compliments.
8. He Blows-Up Minor Issues
There is no marriage without issues here and there because you are two different people.
So, you will have quarrels and disagreements over different things from time to time.
But when little things turn into big arguments, something is wrong.
This is especially true when the matter wasn’t an issue before.
For instance, if he is fuming because you left the light on or didn’t text him back immediately, there’s usually something deeper at play.
You will find that minor issues become battlegrounds because there’s an underlying sense of insecurity or intimidation.
9. He Becomes Overprotective And Possessive
A man who feels less than his woman might become afraid she will leave him because he thinks she believes he is as inadequate as he feels.
So, projecting that feeling on her, he might start policing her.
A husband who used to trust his wife might start questioning her.
If he sees her with male colleagues, he might lose it and accuse her of cheating on him.
Another way this plays out is he starts overly caring about her well-being and discourages her from taking on some work out of a faux concern that it’s too much for her.
He will mask it as a concern, but it’s really not; he just doesn’t want her to be far ahead.
As I said before, this doesn’t apply to every man who does this.
Check this point with every other point first.
10. He Might Reduce Intimacy
Depending on the kind of man he is, he might not reduce sexual intimacy, but in most cases, he might start withdrawing emotionally.
He will no longer feel comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings because he doesn’t feel as close to his wife.
Many men have been known to close off emotionally when they are broke.
Imagine how they would act if they struggled with their wife’s success.
Such men don’t like feeling vulnerable, so they avoid every occasion that would warrant it, including opening up to their wives.
To conclude, a man feeling intimidated by his wife’s success is not necessarily bad, depending on how he handles his feelings.
We sometimes feel jealous and inadequate when someone around us is making progress while we seem stuck.
But if we treat them bitterly because of how we feel, that’s what makes a bad person.
Men have been told to always be at the top, to “be a man,” and “be the provider.”
If that is not happening for some, they may feel inadequate.
But a good person – man – will recognize their feelings and try to act contrary.
So, if you notice some of these signs but see him struggling to overcome them, you can extend grace.