A few days ago, I came across a post about a lady discussing her relationship woes.
She ended the post with, “What do men even want?”
This question is common, especially among women who seem to have experienced heartbreaks and breakups.
I am not going to invalidate your experiences.
There are many men out there who are not ready for something serious.
They just want to string you along until they lose interest in you.
This kind of men exist; they usually exhibit red flags, which many women ignore.
I guess this is where I include the advice I always give my female friends, “Don’t excuse red flags. Never make that mistake.”
The truth is that relationships can feel like a mystery sometimes.
You meet someone amazing; the chemistry is electric, and then… poof!
The spark fizzles, and you’re left wondering what went wrong and what you need to change.
But what if the secret to keeping a man hooked isn’t about playing games or changing who you are?
What if it’s about mastering a few key behaviors that create a deep, lasting connection?
The truth is that men are drawn to people who make them feel valued and heard.
You don’t need to manipulate a man into staying in a relationship with you.
All you need to do is show him that he can be comfortable and safe with you the same way you feel with him.
How do you do this?
Stay with me as we explore behaviors that will not only keep men hooked to you but also help you enjoy successful relationships.
If You Can Master These 8 Behaviors Men Will Be Hooked
1. Confidence
Confidence and arrogance are two very different things.
But I have come to realize that people mistake them for each other.
Some people have called me arrogant, while others just think I am confident.
What is the truth?
I have a healthy sense of self-assurance.
I am confident in my abilities, but I never overestimate myself.
I ask for help when I need it because even in my confidence, I realize that no man is an island and we all can help each other.
This is what it means to be confident.
Confidence is a magnetic quality in anyone, but it is especially attractive in a lady.
When you know your worth and carry yourself with that awareness, men can’t help but be attracted to you.
You are comfortable in your own skin and don’t feel the need to pretend to be someone else.
You can share your opinions without being intimidated.
You make decisions with assurance.
This quality is very sought after by men.
They want women who can make decisions on their own.
Yeah, I know some men say they don’t like confident women.
The truth about those kinds of men is that they don’t want a partner.
Instead, they want a subject.
Someone who is theirs to command without any restrictions.
Such men are really not concerned about having a successful relationship.
You should flee from any man who seems to have issues with your confidence.
Also, if you are wondering how to build your confidence, start by loving yourself.
Then you should celebrate your little wins.
Sometimes, if you look at your life, you may feel like you haven’t had any impact.
Look more closely.
You will recognize things that you have achieved.
Celebrate them, no matter how little they are.
Doing this consistently will help you build your confidence in yourself.
2. Active listening
I used to think listening was a very easy thing to do.
Now, I know it’s not.
I understand why some people feel it should be included in their resume.
Many people think they know how to listen, but only a few people do.
Active listening is not just hearing a person speak.
It involves truly understanding what is being said.
A very attractive quality you can have in a relationship is the ability to truly listen to your partner.
Men love it when they have someone who truly understands them.
They love it when you insist on hearing details even after they describe their day as “boring.”
The ability to show genuine interest in your man’s life, thoughts, and feelings can create a deep connection.
The fact that you listen without unnecessary interruptions is an attractive quality.
When a man feels heard and valued, he is more likely to be emotionally invested in the relationship.
To develop this behavior, you need to learn how to listen with the sole aim of understanding your man.
Practice active listening consciously until it becomes something you can do without even trying to.
When having a conversation, don’t rush to give a response.
Instead, take your time to understand what is being said before making your opinions known.
3. Authenticity
The greatest sign of confidence is the ability to be yourself, irrespective of wherever you find yourself.
One of the reasons my teachers called me “arrogant” was because I displayed an ability to express myself in front of anyone.
Where my mates would stutter and quake with fear, I would suppress my fear and express myself.
Unlike my teachers in school, men are attracted to females who are authentic.
There are so many people trying to be someone else that finding an authentic person is a breath of fresh air.
Being authentic means being true to yourself and to those around you.
When you are authentic, it means you are comfortable in your own skin.
As a teenager, I loved Bruno Mars’ song “Just The Way You Are”.
Even while he was basically speaking about how naturally beautiful the lady was, I learned something deeper.
It made me want unpretentious love.
I want to be with a woman who doesn’t feel she has to pretend to be someone else to be worthy of my love.
There is so much beauty in being a woman who is unapologetically herself.
If you have struggled with authenticity in the past, you can start by learning to acknowledge your feelings.
Be honest about your feelings.
Stay true to your values, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with the man who loves you.
A disclaimer, though!
Authenticity should not be an excuse for bad behavior.
That’s not it.
You can be yourself while still working on your flaws.
In this life, change is the one constant thing and you can decide that the only changes you want to see in your life are positive ones.
Aim to be a better version of yourself.
If you are authentic without improving yourself, you shouldn’t be shocked that men don’t want to have anything serious with you.
4. Emotional intelligence
One thing I have noticed is that many people really lack emotional intelligence.
The saddest thing about them is that they usually don’t even know when they are doing something wrong.
One time, I had a close friendship with a lady.
We were on the verge of being more than friends.
You could tell this from how we were gravitating towards each other.
Then, tragedy struck.
An online friend committed suicide, and it hit us all by surprise.
She had battled with the darkness within and lost the fight.
It was so sad because, in recent conversations, she sounded more hopeful about life and the future.
I mentioned the suicide to my “close friend,” and she went ahead to blame me for not knowing.
She went all “How won’t you know when a friend is contemplating suicide?”
I was disappointed.
That response was callous and lacking in empathy.
The sad thing is that many people are like this.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while empathizing with others.
It is what makes people decide to be vulnerable with you.
They know you would listen nonjudgmentally.
They know you won’t point accusing fingers or try to look for who to blame.
The truth is that the average human is wired to blame someone for something.
Being able to control that impulse is what makes a person emotionally intelligent.
Men are not typically vulnerable, but when there is a safe space, they are more amenable to vulnerability.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t just stop here.
It helps in handling conflicts.
I know a lady who is always so consumed by her emotions that even little conflicts with her end up becoming mini-wars.
In relationship conflicts, you cannot always be right, and even when you are right, you will realize that being right is second in priority to having peace in the relationship.
If you want to master emotional intelligence, you can start by practicing active listening.
Validate your man’s feelings.
You also need to work on expressing your emotions in a healthy way.
5. Kindness
Kindness is a universal language, everyone recognizes it on sight.
I have seen people break language and tribal barriers with acts of kindness.
Even wicked people understand kindness –they don’t just speak it.
One of the major qualities to look out for in a woman is kindness.
Kindness is not about just being nice – it’s about showing up with compassion, generosity, and a desire to make his life better.
Kindness is not just when you help him in dire circumstances.
It is also seen in the little acts of thoughtfulness, a word of encouragement, a genuine compliment, and a pat on the back.
Kindness is an innate quality, but it can be practiced consciously.
Wake up every day with the determination to be kind to everyone.
Look for ways to show kindness.
Help that little girl cross the road.
Say something kind to that older man around the corner.
Practice makes perfect.
If you practice kindness, you get better at being kind.
It’s that simple.
6. Respect and appreciation
Growing up, our school had hierarchies.
Students in junior classes had to respect their seniors and the teachers.
Seniors had to respect the prefects and teachers.
Prefects only respected teachers.
So, we had a system that demanded respect from juniors without ensuring reciprocal respect from seniors.
Relationships don’t work that way.
Apart from the fact that there are no subordinates in relationships, couples are meant to display mutual respect and appreciation for each other.
A woman who respects and appreciates her man is a jewel of the highest value.
Men love it when their efforts are acknowledged in the relationship.
They may just be carrying out their duties, but they still deserve to be appreciated.
I have this habit of saying “thank you” for everything.
One day, I entered a building that had a doorman with my friend and when he held the door open for me, I said “Thank you”.
He was shocked, but then he smiled.
My friend asked why I was thanking him for doing his job, and I said, “Did you see the smile on his face? That’s why I thanked him.”
Appreciation puts a smile on the faces of our loved ones, and it should be something we do regularly, especially when they deserve it.
Don’t hoard appreciation.
It only makes you less attractive to others.
Respecting your partner involves learning to listen to their opinions and even valuing their opinions.
I know you are an independent lady, but occasionally ask your man for his opinion.
It shows that you respect him and value his opinion.
Don’t just make decisions and inform him about them later.
Men love to be fully involved in the lives of the women they love.
7. Supportiveness
Men want to feel supported and appreciated, just like anyone else.
Being his biggest cheerleader, celebrating his successes, and standing by him during challenges shows that you’re a true partner.
Of course, the support can’t be one-sided – he should also support you.
This is a wonderful way of creating a relationship where both of you feel uplifted and empowered.
If he isn’t supportive, then you shouldn’t even be in that relationship in the first place.
You can practice being supportive by showing genuine interest in his goals and dreams, offering encouragement, and being there for him when he needs a listening ear.
8. Independence
There is nothing more attractive than a woman who has her own life, passions, and goals.
At least, there is nothing more attractive to a purposeful man who knows what he wants in his woman.
I know some men have issues with independent women.
But those men are usually control freaks who always want to control everyone around them.
This kind of men love it when their wives are over-reliant on them.
For most men, clinginess and over-reliance are turnoffs.
Apart from this, many men are now beginning to care about what women bring to the table.
They don’t just settle for emotions alone; they also want women who are doing things of value.
So, if you want to hook a man, find a purpose and run with it.
Build meaningful friendships.
Most importantly, don’t be afraid to take time for yourself.
It shows that you are not desperate for a relationship.
The truth is that mastering these behaviors isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about amplifying the best parts of yourself.
Here’s how to go about mastering the behaviors…
Take time to assess which behaviors come naturally to you and which ones need work.
You should choose one or two behaviors to focus on and set small, actionable goals to develop them.
The good thing about it is that most of these behaviors are interwoven.
For example, if you master active listening, being emotionally intelligent shouldn’t be an issue for you.
Always be on the lookout for opportunities to practice them in your everyday interactions.
Growth takes time, so be patient with yourself as you work on becoming the best version of yourself.
Ultimately, keeping a man hooked isn’t about playing games or pretending to be someone you’re not.
It’s about showing up as your authentic, confident, and emotionally intelligent self.
When you master these behaviors, you’ll not only attract the right kind of man.
You will also enjoy a relationship that’s built on mutual respect, admiration, and love.