Just because you’ve been in a relationship for a while doesn’t mean it is right.
You might be in a relationship and be winging it for months, even years, yet that relationship might be one of the worst decisions of your life.
Longevity has never equated success or stability.
Sometimes, the fact that people have been together for some time, either married or in a relationship, is proof that they’re doing great as a couple.
Sometimes the right thing to do is to end the relationship, even if you’ve invested a lot into it.
One of the ways to know if you’re in such a relationship is by how you’re treated.
Some things should come naturally when you’re in a healthy and beautiful relationship.
If you find yourself having to beg for those things, then maybe you need to reevaluate.
If You Have To Beg For 9 These Things, You’re Not In The Right Relationship
1. Spending time together
In the right relationship, spending time together should happen naturally and with ease.
Granted, there may be situations or seasons where one or both of you are busy, and you both have to be more intentional about spending quality time together.
But this is not the usual or an everyday thing.
The normal everyday thing is that you’re both excited about each other, and looking forward to spending time together and hanging out.
The moment you catch yourself having to beg to spend quality time with your partner, everything is wrong.
Consistently begging someone to spend time with you can be very draining emotionally, and to be honest, it’s not even sustainable.
No one person should have to beg the other for quality time.
It should be willful, and they both should be enthusiastic about it.
If that’s not the case, there’s a problem.
2. Money
Hold on, before you come for my head, hear me out.
If you have to beg for money in your relationship when you need help, I’d raise an eyebrow.
Why?
Although I mentioned money, it’s not restricted to money only.
This applies to support in general.
You shouldn’t have to plead for your partner to be there for you when you’re going through hard times or chasing your dreams.
If your partner is incapacitated, perhaps they’re broke or going through something themselves and can’t help at the moment, that’s a different thing.
But if they are able to help you and see that you need help, yet you have to beg before they support you, there’s a problem.
A big problem at that.
3. Attention
One way I knew my wife was as committed to our relationship as I was when we first started dating was how she always responded to me.
The only times I had to press for her attention were when I was still asking her out.
And after she accepted, occasionally, when she’s upset or just trying to make me chase her again.
Aside from that, she’s never unavailable or consciously making me beg before she pays attention to me or the things that concern me.
And it’s both ways.
We don’t have to seek or beg for each other’s attention, we always have it.
If you have to keep asking someone to show you they love or care for you, it means their heart may not be fully present.
4. Kindness
Generally, in life, we are all meant to be kind.
I always say I don’t fully subscribe to the saying “Be nice to people because you don’t know what they’re going through” because I believe people don’t have to be going through stuff to deserve kindness.
It should be basic human behavior to be kind.
The last thing you need is for the person dishing that meanness to be your partner.
Life is already hard enough. You go out, and someone might yell at you for no reason. Your boss might be unreasonable or even toxic, and you might go through a lot generally trying to make it through your day.
You don’t want to come back to a partner who’s wicked, too.
No one should ever have to beg not to be insulted, ignored, mocked, or belittled.
Basic kindness and respect should be things that are freely given in your relationship.
You should never have to plead to be treated with basic dignity, honor, or consideration by someone who claims to love you.
If they’re unkind to you, you’re in the wrong relationship.
5. Prioritization
When someone is in love with you, they’ll put you first without you asking.
It’ll just come naturally for them to consider you in their decisions, actions, and thinking.
It’s a no-brainer.
So, if you don’t see that happening, you should wonder why.
Why do fail to put yourself first if you’re both in a relationship and you’re putting them first?
Why do you have to beg before they see that they shouldn’t put their job and friends before you?
It really doesn’t make much sense.
6. To meet important people
I don’t know how things work where you’re from, but in my part of the world, when you meet someone you love, one of the proofs of your commitment is your eagerness to show them off.
Yes, you might not walk them up a hill and scream, “This is the love of my life,” but you’ll at least introduce them to the important people in your life.
I believe this is how it works everywhere in the world, too.
If someone is serious about you, they’ll want to bring you into their lives and one way to do that is by introducing you to their loved ones.
That is why one of the ploys of guys who are players is that they isolate the lady.
Although these days some people can introduce you to their loved ones and still not be serious, the streets are getting that crazy.
But in many cases, with a red flag partner, you’ll have to plead to be introduced to the people in their lives.
There’s nothing normal about this.
It’s a cause for concern.
7. Exclusivity
This goes hand in glove with loyalty, faithfulness, and accountability.
They are all in the same package.
When you decide to enter a relationship with someone, it is a mutual agreement, so there should be no need for one person to push things alone.
The moment you both agree to be an item, you owe each other faithfulness, loyalty, and accountability.
You shouldn’t be begging them to stay faithful to you or to stop cheating; that’s not love.
It looks more like survival.
In the same vein, you shouldn’t have to beg them to talk to you, explain things, or be open.
Healthy relationships are built on faithfulness and open and honest communication.
8. Effort
A one-sided relationship is one where one party is the only one trying to make things work.
This is an unbalanced and unhealthy situation.
You’re the one calling first, texting first, planning dates, initiating spending time together, etc.
Before they make any effort, you have to beg for it.
Begging is too far. If you have to ask as much as possible first before they put in the work all the time, it’s a problem.
Love without mutual effort fades fast.
You will get tired.
9. Validation
You know there’s something wrong with your relationship if you’re always not sure where you stand in their life.
Your partner’s actions or inactions shouldn’t consistently make you feel insecure or unsure.
You shouldn’t be begging them to be steady, present, or to stop switching up on you.
It’s simply not normal and it shows that the relationship may be unstable at its core.
And if for any reason you feel like something is wrong, they should be ready to reassure you and make necessary adjustments as long as you’re not just being paranoid.
Occasional reassurance is normal, but if you constantly beg them to make you feel seen, wanted, or valued, there’s likely a deeper issue—you’re both disconnected.
The fact that you have to beg is more than enough sign already.
In a normal healthy relationship, you wouldn’t have to beg because it’ll happen easily and flawlessly.
If you find yourself consistently pleading for certain things in a relationship, it could be a red flag that you’re not in the right one.
It might be time to reflect: Do they love you the way you deserve to be loved?
Or are there other issues?