Respect!
The one thing in life everyone desires, but only a few get.
What makes people respected in life?
They say that respect is reciprocal, but I find that this is untrue, as respect isn’t some goodwill.
I mean, even goodwill isn’t necessarily reciprocal.
I have seen people who respect others never get it reciprocated back to them.
So, what are the things to do or not do to gain respect?
In this article, we will unpack the behaviors to quit to earn the respect you deserve.
If You Want To Be Respected In Life Quit These 13 Behaviors
1. Not taking yourself seriously
In secondary school, my principal was always fond of saying, “You will be addressed the way you are dressed,” and “No one will give you a second chance to make a first impression.”
These two quotes stayed with me.
From the quotes, you’ll find that the emphasis on YOU is loud.
Many people make the mistake of seeking respect externally when they have no respect for themselves.
I mean, if you don’t take yourself seriously, how can you expect others to take you seriously?
If you don’t respect yourself enough to invest in yourself through study and personal development, why will you expect for others to accord you much honor?
Self-respect is caring and treating everything about yourself and your life in a way that shows honor and dignity for yourself.
It is sheer hypocrisy to desire to get what you don’t even give to yourself.
Laziness and complacency are deadly enemies and you can never be respected by making them your ally.
I once watched a show in which a guy came to pitch a business idea.
When they asked how much he had invested in it, guess what?
It turned out that he hadn’t invested any money in it, yet he was competing for a grant worth thousands of dollars to implement his idea.
The judges were so disappointed!
He had a great idea but didn’t honor it enough to warrant another person investing in it.
This is the same as a person who has no self-respect.
Self-respect also means self-governance.
If you can discipline yourself and do what needs to be done despite your “self,” you will be respected in life.
2. Entitlement mentality
An entitlement mentality reeks like a three-day-old basket of rotten fish!
It is such a turn-off.
People who have such a mentality are seldom respected.
A wise man once told me, “Life doesn’t give you what you deserve; it gives you what you negotiate.”
Entitled people often don’t realize that the world is not wired around them and their whims.
They are usually so confident in normalizing the nonsense mindset that they deserve what they did not earn.
People like this are those who go about enforcing respect and putting down others for self-aggrandizement.
Perfect examples of such are egoistical men who are fond of always barking orders like a military camp and insisting, “I am the head,” without modeling leadership.
Guess what?
More often than not, they don’t get respected, and their wives or those they subjugated only concede to them out of fear.
An entitled person won’t be respected in life, and you need to quit such behavior.
3. Irresponsibility
Irresponsibility is such a childish trait.
It is understandable for a child (depending on the age) to act irresponsibly, but it is not appealing to find an adult acting in such a way.
Blame trading and evading responsibilities is such a juvenile trait.
Always playing the victim card is also a classic example of irresponsibility.
Selfishness is the height of it!
It is hard to muster respect for people who only care about themselves and care no hoot about others.
Irresponsibility in any form is not responsible behavior, and if you want to be respected in life, you need to quit irresponsibility and its siblings (victimhood, blame trading, and selfishness).
4. Being a YES person
Some people mistake being valuable for being over-available – that’s a big mistake!
A Yes person is someone who constantly says yes to anything required of them.
They are always available to everyone and anyone.
Instead of this trait to make people respect them, it will rather make them attach less value to you and disrespect you.
Why should you constantly break a leg for people who constantly show that you are only as valuable as what you do for them?
Similarly, being too trusting or gullible is another way to easily lose respect with people.
Innocence is cute when you are a child, but a gullible adult will hardly command respect.
In Nigerian street parlance, this is called “Mumu.”
If you want to be respected in life, don’t be a MUMU.
5. Self-sabotage
I can speak about this boldly.
I used to sabotage myself and shrink from opportunities because I felt someone else deserved it, not me.
I thought it was humility, but unbeknownst to me, it was “humbility” (Nigerian slang for fake humility)
Self-sabotage is deeply rooted in a sense of low self-worth.
Others did not respect me for shrinking myself; in fact, I was walked over and passed on many times.
When I changed and started showing up courageously and taking on new challenges, I started to earn the respect of others.
This is because no one respects a coward.
In the university, I saw average students bamboozle the lecturer with their unbeatable confidence, even while spewing nonsense, and gain the respect and admiration of everyone.
In contrast, first-class students who lacked boldness were benched and waved off.
That should tell you something.
Life answers to people who are bold and confident.
It is even much worse if you speak negatively of yourself.
In mathematics, the sum of two negatives can never produce a positive, and this is why negative self-talk won’t earn you respect in life – ditch it!
6. Always apologizing
As a girl who was born and bred in the South Western part of Nigeria, respect is an integral part of our culture.
We were raised to greet, honor, show gratitude, and apologize profusely when needed.
The only issue was that no one told us about the syndrome of over-apologizing.
It plagued me for many years, and I found myself apologizing for things I had no business apologizing for.
I am now teaching my daughter to think constructively and be clear on her WHY before apologizing.
As much as it is good to apologize, over-apologizing is destructive because people will not respect you in life!
Some people even go as far as apologizing for being their authentic selves.
Too much of anything is bad, and if you always apologize without thinking, you may not weigh much to others.
People respect people who are confident and can hold their own.
7. Bad-mouthing and gossip
I grew up in a close-knit community where everyone knew everyone else’s business.
It was said that your thoughts were the only things that you never got out of that community.
If you as much as told one person a secret, be assured that everyone in the community would know.
To be honest, it was annoying.
There were professional gossipers and rumor mongers who peddled gossip in the community.
They were notorious and shameless about it.
Even those who had itching ears to hear their hot gists were afraid of their gossiping tongues … lol.
They were never respected.
Even those younger than them called them “Amebo!” and booed at them when they had altercations.
Their devoted gossip and bad-mouthing profession didn’t make anyone in the community respect them.
People who are classified as busybodies and rumor-mongers are never respected in life.
In fact, no matter how jolly they are, they would’ve overstepped their boundaries with many people and incurred their disdain.
8. People pleasing
One of the most disrespected people in life are people pleasers.
The age-long act of kissing a$$ has never earned anyone’s respect.
People pleasers always seek validation and act hypocritically to gain favor and advantage.
It sucks!
Such hypocrisy will make you everyone’s doormat.
You will never be respected in life this way.
9. Using others
People who use others are popularly called “users.”
Users are like parasites who feast on others and use them for their own benefits.
They have and show no value for relationships, nor do they care what happens to you in the process.
They only care about what they stand to gain from you and will manipulate you to get what they want.
Users are never respected in life.
10. Talking excessively
From childhood, people who talked excessively were described as “leaking mouths.”
I have been, unfortunately, in situations with excessive talkers, and they wore me out… sigh!
I had to start avoiding them.
For the life of me, I didn’t want someone talking my ears off!
This is usually the reaction of many people to excessive talkers; they avoid them.
Some even rudely tell them to shut up because they can’t stop their nonstop chatter.
While I understand that some personality types are more extroverted than others, I am referring to people who talk a lot, saying everything and anything that comes to their minds.
Moderation is still very key, and excessive talkers are never respected in life.
11. Arrogance
Some people think that arrogance protects you from disrespect: in the words of Nigerians in street expressions, “Dem no fit stain your white” (meaning you cannot be disrespected).
I beg to differ.
Arrogant people are another breed of irritating.
From being snobbish to constantly critiquing others to being excessively argumentative and always wanting to be right, an arrogant person scarcely commands respect.
There was this guy who believed only in himself, his thoughts, and his ideas.
He constantly criticized others and acted stuck up.
Even his friends endured him.
There is no respect for you in life if people only endure your presence.
12. Lying and cheating
Those who lie and cheat others so brazenly have sold their right to respect in life.
It is much worse if they do these shamelessly.
Nigerians jokingly say, “You can’t shame the shameless.”
Only valueless people respect liars and cheats.
For the most part, they are disdained due to their lack of values.
Integrity is still that one trait that commands respect in life.
Do you want to be respected in life?
Be a person of integrity!
13. Not setting boundaries
Where I am from, when people buy land, if they are not ready to build, they construct fences around their land to stop others from encroaching on it.
Those who didn’t create those boundary fences got encroached upon by others who built before them.
Setting boundaries stops people from infringing on them and hurting them.
Setting the right boundaries is a MUST for healthy relationships, and people who don’t set boundaries are usually disrespected.
Without setting boundaries, “See finish” (overfamiliarity) will set in, and you will never be respected that way.