It’s not so unusual to see ladies with the weird belief that all men cheat.
More often than not, this belief is usually founded upon their past experiences in relationships.
Well, when I hear things like “all men cheat”, it gets to me because I am a man and have never cheated on my partner.
I don’t plan on doing so too.
So, I usually respond with, “How on Earth did you try every man in the world to come to this conclusion?”
I dislike generalization, and I have noticed that it only happens when some men do negative stuff.
When Ben Carson separated the Siamese twins, no one said, “All men are brilliant”.
Apart from my dislike for unnecessary generalization, let’s get down to some real talk.
If you have been cheated on several times in past relationships, it is a worrying sign.
It’s not a sign of bad luck.
Instead, it is a sign of a pattern at work; a pattern you have ignored for so long.
Before you come at me with baseball bats, I am not trying to victim shame here.
I am not blaming you for their actions.
Cheating is always a choice.
You are not responsible for the fact that they made the wrong choice.
But if every guy you date ends up going astray, maybe it’s time you stop blaming them and take a critical look at things.
Doing this will save you the pain of more heartache.
Here’s the hard truth about why all your boyfriends cheat on you—and how to stop attracting men who can’t stay loyal.
5 Brutal Reasons All Your Boyfriends Cheat On You (And How To Fix It)
1. You ignore red flags
One of the biggest mistakes you can ever make in a relationship is to ignore obvious red flags.
That’s a major recipe for disaster.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
People have their flaws.
You can’t find a perfect man because no one is perfect.
However, some flaws are acceptable, especially when he knows how you feel about it and is intentionally working on them.
But you should never ignore red flags.
This ability to ignore red flags is one of the reasons why many ladies keep on dating guys who cheat on them.
Let me paint a scenario for you so you can understand my point clearly.
You meet a new guy.
He is handsome and charming.
He always knows the right thing to say.
But something just feels off about him.
Maybe he is a little secretive, flirty with other women, and has a history of cheating.
Maybe he has this female bestie who gives off weird territorial vibes when you are around.
Maybe all of these have happened, but somehow you have managed to convince yourself that you are imagining things.
You know he cheated his way out of his last relationship – maybe with you– and you just think that he is not going to do the same with you.
The joke is on you.
The truth is that men who cheat don’t just wake up one day and suddenly stop cheating.
If he is shady early on, he will be shady later.
I love the fact that you believe in his ability to change, but if he isn’t displaying through his actions that he is truly changed, then he is not.
“No be chochocho, show workings”– the Nigerian slang for “talk is cheap”– applies to this situation.
If he has cheated on you in the past and you still give your boyfriend a second chance, the chances are he will still cheat on you again.
Stop giving second chances to men who haven’t earned them.
This will help you.
Raise your standards, lady.
If a man shows disloyal tendencies, cut him off as soon as possible.
Don’t excuse red flags just because you are desperate for love.
2. You pick emotionally unavailable men
Sometimes, when some ladies complain about men and cheating, they don’t tell you the truth.
In fact, most of the time, they don’t know the truth.
The simple truth is that they have a type.
Bad boys, commitment-phobes, and guys “who are not ready for a relationship”.
Do these categories sound familiar?
Can you easily classify the guys you have dated into the above-mentioned categories?
If your answer is yes, then your relationships with men who cheat are by design, not by luck.
One time, I saw a post where a lady was complaining about her relationship.
She couldn’t place her finger on anything her boyfriend had done wrong, but she just felt tired of the relationship.
She said he was too good for her and she needed a little bit of drama.
The truth is that many ladies have an unhealthy attraction to bad boys.
I mean, they are BAD boys, what’s there to be so attracted to?
Anyway, while I will never understand the allure of bad boys, I know it is a reason many ladies keep on having boyfriends who cheat on them.
You shouldn’t sacrifice faithfulness and love for the excitement and uncertainty of dating a bad boy.
You will most likely regret it.
If you’re drawn to men who are distant or avoid labels, you’re setting yourself up for betrayal.
I always say that any guy who hesitates when asked to label his relationship with you is an untrustworthy person.
If you are serious about your life, you will stop letting guys bamboozle you with “Let’s see what the future holds”.
This kind of guy cheats because he is not fully committed to the relationship.
They consider themselves to be freelancers, and while they are with you, every other girl around is fair game to them – even your friends.
So, stop getting into undefined relationships with emotionally unavailable men with the hope that they will commit to a defined relationship later.
If he isn’t all in from the start, then it shouldn’t be for you.
Walk away from such guys and watch how your relationship experience would improve.
3. You don’t value yourself
Ladies, the truth is that sometimes you need to enforce your need to be valued and respected.
You need to teach your boyfriend how to treat you, and one of the best ways of doing this is to have clearly defined boundaries.
When you do this, you have set rules in place for how he treats you.
After all, where there is no law, there can be no punishment.
If you tolerate disrespect from your boyfriend, he will keep dishing it out.
Just give him an inch and he could take a mile.
The moment you start compromising on your values just to accommodate him, you are setting the stage for your maltreatment.
Men treat you how you allow them to.
If you stay in the relationship after the first lie, flirtation, or “mistake”, you are teaching that he can get away with more misbehavior.
One time, I was having this enjoyable talking stage with a lady, and I must say that I had high hopes that something good was going to come of it.
Well, I was being overly optimistic because one day, when we discussed infidelity, she said it wasn’t a deal breaker for her because all men cheat.
That day, I decided that nothing would happen between us.
I can’t imagine having a wife who teaches my children to have this kind of terrible mindset.
It already sets the stage for her to be disrespected.
If I were a playboy, dating that kind of lady would have been a flex because cheating wouldn’t be stressful.
But I am not.
So, with this kind of mentality, you would usually end up attracting men who cheat.
What you need to do about it is to start by establishing clearly defined boundaries in your relationship.
If he crosses a line, show him the door.
Loyalty is totally non-negotiable in relationships.
4. You like to pretend you are a cool girl
There’s this sad thing that many ladies do these days.
They try to act like they are nonchalant and casual about their relationship.
They don’t want to be seen as that lady who reacts angrily when her man acts inappropriately.
They want people to think of them as secure, cool-headed ladies.
Well, I want you to know that girls who pretend to be like this usually draw the short straw when it comes to relationships.
This is because this kind of behavior makes him get really complacent.
If you are always available at his beck and call (even when he treats you like an option), never challenge him (even when he is wrong because you want to appear submissive), and prioritize his happiness over yours, he will take you for granted.
Not all men are cheaters, but if you let a man mistreat you without trying to correct him, you are setting the stage for him to continue mistreating you.
If a man is inconsistent, yet you are always available when he calls and never point out his irresponsibility, you are empowering him to be even more inconsistent.
If you prioritize your boyfriend’s happiness over your own, then it’s no wonder they cheat on you.
What you can do instead is to have a life of your own.
You can’t always jump just because he asks you to, especially when he is inconsistent.
Set clear boundaries and don’t be afraid to call him out.
Being a cool girl isn’t synonymous with being your boyfriend’s dumping ground.
5. You choose boyfriends based on chemistry
I did chemistry in school.
I thought I loved it in secondary school until I got to the university and discovered another aspect of chemistry that made me fall out of love.
Chemistry is good, but it is not all you need in a relationship.
The problem with choosing boyfriends based on chemistry alone is that at some point, you may discover aspects of me that you don’t like, just like I did.
Chemistry without character is a recipe for disaster.
If every guy you date cheats, maybe you’re attracted to the wrong type.
So, beyond how easy it is to talk to him and vibe with him, you should start considering other things.
Look beyond surface-level features.
A man’s integrity, faithfulness, and sensitivity matter more than his easy charm.
Stop rushing into relationships.
Take time out to get to know that guy, and maybe you will be able to spot the red flags he hides behind his excessive charm.
The final truth I must share with you is that loyal men exist!!
Cheaters cheat, but if you keep on attracting them, you may need to look critically at yourself and ask a simple question: “Why am I always attracting cheaters?”
Stop excusing bad behavior, start valuing yourself, and watch how quickly the wrong men disappear.
You don’t have to always demand loyalty, but when you do and it seems like hard work to him, it is a sign that he is the wrong man.
The right man won’t need rules to stay faithful—he will do it because you are worth it.