“First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.”
You may have heard this quote before, maybe at a bridal shower, from a sarcastic uncle, or just floating around on social media with a bunch of laughing emojis.
As darkly humorous as it sounds, there’s a reason why quotes like this stick.
They echo a fear many men (and let’s be honest, even some women) quietly carry: the fear that getting married is a one-way ticket to stress, obligation, and losing freedom.
But is that fear truly justified?
And why does it seem like, for some men, commitment feels more like a trap than a treasure?
In this post, we’ll explore the real, often unspoken reasons some men are scared to settle down.
Whether you’re in a relationship, married, single, or just curious, this might give you a fresh perspective on what’s really going on behind the hesitation.
10 Reasons Men Are Scared To Settle Down
1. They don’t want to be trapped
Many men see marriage as a cage of some sort.
They’re not afraid of love, but the word “forever” sounds scary, like prison with bitter food.
They hear “settle down” and imagine giving up their freedom card for eternity.
In their minds, weekends with the guys, eating noodles at 11 p.m., sleeping in till noon, and coming back whatever time they feel like are all gone.
That’s how they see marriage, and so it scares them.
One of my husband’s friends fits into this category perfectly; all of his friends are married, but he keeps dating indefinitely or breaking up immediately any lady asks for deeper commitment.
His reason?
He does not want to willingly sign his freedom away.
He sees all his married friends as people in prisons, and nothing they say can make him think otherwise.
So, yes, men like that exist, and it is quite difficult to change their minds.
2. They are afraid of commitment
Commitment means saying yes to one person and no to everyone else.
The phrase “…forsaking all others…” usually found in traditional wedding vows is no joke; it is how marriage is meant to be.
You pick one person and remain with them for life, and that is exactly what scares some of these men.
They don’t have a problem saying yes to one woman; the issue lies in saying no to every other fine girl who crosses their path, both now and in 2063.
For some, that feels like giving up access to heaven’s buffet.
They do not think they can handle it because it sounds like too much, sticking with one woman forever.
They want to keep all the options forever.
Some of them are not exactly scared of the commitment; they’re just delaying it because they keep thinking someone better might still come along.
3. They think they’re too young
Marriage is a huge responsibility if we’re being honest, and most people never feel ready for it because it’s a lot.
The fact that there’s no globally accepted fixed age for it doesn’t help, either.
Everyone is just allowed to decide based on their discretion when it’s time.
So you find a lot of men still finding themselves at 37.
He knows his favorite football club, career, barber, and tailor, but ask him about his readiness to start and lead a home, and he’ll say he’s still figuring it out.
Some men never feel old enough to take up the responsibility.
4. They’re traumatized
Many men are afraid of getting married because they see marriage as a bad thing.
No other reason.
They simply don’t see it as a blessing or something to desire because they have had negative experiences either personally or from watching others.
Some men grew up watching their dads suffer in silence… or shout in frustration.
That trauma may be whispering or even screaming, “You’ll be next” in their ears.
So, they keep fleeing.
You can identify men like this by the statements they make and sometimes even their social media posts.
Behind every “marriage is a scam” tweet from a man is a man who gave his heart to the wrong person and is now scared to try again.
He may call it realistic, but we see behind the façade to call it what it is—unhealed wounds.
He might even have tried marriage before, and it failed, so trying again seems like a threat to his life.
5. They’re scared of their marriage failing
The number of marital woes many of us see and hear of on a daily basis is discouraging, no doubt.
Many times, I just sit down and wonder why the divorce rates are spiking so much.
Was it a case of incompatibility?
Did someone change along the way, or were they always a red flag, but the other person just failed to see it?
It’s tiring to think about, but you just have to be determined to focus on the positive marriages that are working and do your best to choose right.
However, many guys don’t think in this direction; all they do is fix their minds on the negatives.
“What if she changes after the wedding?”
“What if she was pretending all along?”
“What if we’re not meant to be?”
I know a guy in my church who is pushing 40 years old and still says, “If she’s the one, God will show me.”
Even when there’s a lady who so loves and cares for him in the choir, making jollof rice for him and praying for him, he’s still waiting for an angelic voice and thunderclap.
Deep down, many men carry fears of getting into marriage and not succeeding at it.
Either because they’re not able to provide, lead, or protect themselves or because their wife is so difficult that they can’t live in peace.
And instead of facing that fear, they just avoid the commitment altogether.
You can’t fail if you don’t try at all now, can you?
6. They’re afraid of karma
Do you know what they say about Karma being a b*tch?
It can mess people up really badly.
I was speaking with an interesting fellow recently who said he was never going to get married.
When I asked why, his response surprised me.
He said, and I quote, “Every time I have a nice time with a girl, I think about all the different men she’s been with and realize painfully that there are no decent women out there. I can’t get married to the women of this generation. They’re so corrupt!”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
The sheer ridiculousness of his words surprised me so much.
I didn’t know what part of his statement to address, the fact that he was generalizing?
Or the fact that he’s complaining about a situation that he’s actively contributing to.
I made sure to tell him both, though.
Guys like this, knowing very well that their morals are bad and they can’t commit, are afraid of getting married only to find out that their wives are exactly like them.
7. They think they need ‘to blow’ first
I strongly believe that before anyone gets married, whether man or woman, they should have good financial stability.
In many societies, men are the providers, so the responsibility is more on them.
This makes some of them avoid the subject of marriage.
They think they need to be fully made first.
They want the car, the house, seven digits in the account, and three businesses before even thinking of popping the question.
They want to hammer because the bills don’t play, and their concerns are valid.
Although in some cases, I think this one is just an excuse though.
I have a friend who kept stalling on marrying his girlfriend of many years, saying he wanted to get his finances right.
Only for them to break up. Three months into the relationship, he proposed to his next girlfriend.
And no, he didn’t get a better job or more money.
8. They’re not ready to put in the work
Getting married means explaining your movements, respecting your partner’s feelings, getting vulnerable and emotionally naked, and sometimes saying “I’m sorry” even when you’d rather vanish.
Some men just aren’t there yet.
They’re just not ready to be accountable.
It’s easier to randomly date and break up than to be accountable and emotionally naked.
Many men were never taught how to be answerable and to communicate deeply.
So, marriage feels like too much work that they’re not ready for.
9. They’re enjoying the perks already
Call me old fashioned, but I still very much believe that things like sex, joint finances, and other deeply intimate things are meant to be reserved for marriage only.
This is because marriage is like the ultimate commitment two people can come into.
But these days, we don’t see that happening.
We see people doing married people stuff without being married.
Cohabitation and other intimate involvements without a formal agreement to be man and wife.
This makes some men averse to the idea of marriage for two reasons.
Firstly, they believe why rush into commitment when you’re getting love, care, food, and intimacy without bride price?
If there’s no pressure, many will coast indefinitely.
And secondly, they think if the woman or women they’re with is giving them everything without being married to them, then what is the assurance that she won’t do that with other men even after he marries her?
So, their intimate involvements, which should motivate them to get married, end up being the precise reason they avoid it.
They’d rather just keep enjoying the marriage benefits without the marriage responsibilities.
10. They think marriage ends romance
Some men believe that once you settle down, everything becomes boring.
They think love becomes routine, the spark disappears, and it’s just school runs and arguments about who should do what chore.
They don’t realize that your marriage is what you make it.
You and your partner have the power to decide what you want and make that the system in your marriage.
It doesn’t have to be like other marriages you see.
However, they don’t know this, so they keep allowing their fears to hold them back from what might be the next best decision for them.
Ultimately, getting married is a very personal decision that should not be made through coercion, pressure, or manipulation.
A man who is scared of marriage needs to address his fears and seek solutions and not just hide it or hide under it forever.