I’m one of the ladies who believe that men should do the pursuing.
The line is “I’d rather mop an ocean than tell a guy I like him first.”
Every time I said it, my friends and I would laugh hard because we all shared the same mindset.
We just were averse to the idea of swooning over a guy.
I’m not saying it was impossible for us to have a crush or like a guy who doesn’t really like us; it’s very possible because feelings don’t ask for permission.
But what we never did was reveal those feelings.
Why?
Because time and people’s experiences have proven that when a woman likes a man too much and shows it, the effect is usually the opposite of what she expects.
The man begins to stay away from her.
I don’t know if you are or have met some ladies who like a guy so much that if he even says “Good morning” to her, she already begins to imagine their kids’ names and their honeymoon location.
Meanwhile, Bro’s still struggling to remember her last name.
Ladies like that always get ignored and avoided by these guys.
And if you’ve ever wondered why that happens, don’t worry, I’ll tell you.
8 Reasons Men Avoid Women Who Like Them Too Much
1. Desperation is unattractive to them
Some women get very desperate when they like a man.
They do everything to show their feelings and try to impose them on the man.
If only they knew how bad that looks on them.
And I’m not saying it looks bad simply because I disagree with it; it looks bad even to the man they’re doing it for.
Sometimes, the woman may not even be desperate; she may just have very strong, genuine feelings.
But sadly, we live in a society that teaches men that a woman who is too expressive or too available must be desperate.
This is ironic, seeing that if she plays hard to get, the man complains, too—but that’s not what we’re talking about today.
God forbid a woman knows what she wants and expresses it, she is seen as too forward.
She’s tagged desperate, and some men even dare suggest that she lacks standards.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard guys say things like, “If she loves me this easily, she probably does this with everyone,” about women I know.
It is such a sad way to think about someone who genuinely cares about you, but it is what it is.
The bottom line is that men don’t find desperation attractive, and if a woman’s liking for them begins to look like it, the likelihood that they will disappear is high.
2. They’re usually not the ones they like
Life can be funny in the way it works sometimes.
One person can be so in love with another that they’re willing to do anything, but the feeling may not be mutual.
The person they love may be in love with another random person who also doesn’t like them in return.
Sad thing.
Imagine how perfect the world would be if every single person immediately found their perfect match and the feelings were mutual.
There’ll be so much love and peace.
But that’s not the way life works.
Sometimes you can like someone, but they simply don’t share those feelings with you.
And this is what happens in situations like this sometimes.
If a woman likes a man who doesn’t like her in return, he may like her as a friend or appreciate that she’s nice, but he is not interested in her.
He’s not staying away from her because her love for him is too great; he just doesn’t share those feelings.
He knows she’s amazing, but his heart isn’t in it.
And the more she loves him, the guiltier he feels, so he disappears before he becomes the villain in her story.
3. There’s no excitement
I humorously say many times that the system is rigged against us women because, in many settings and societies, we’re expected to sit back and choose from the guys who ask us out but are not expected to go after the ones we like.
So we have a limited pool to choose from – only the ones that approach us.
But whether we agree with this arrangement or not, it has seemed to work in many situations.
Whenever we flip the switch, things are likely to go wrong.
Men would usually take a woman for granted if she asks them out or loves them too much, and sometimes, this can happen even if the woman in question is their wife.
But it happens mostly in relationships and pre-relationships.
When everything about her is readily available, her love, attention, and even her future wedding colors, it kills the thrill of the chase for that man.
Men are not hunters for nothing; even Adam had to find Eve.
But I believe that beyond just a chaser mindset, there’s more.
Sometimes, it’s as a result of negative things like ego and unhealthy conditioning.
When some men see a woman who is so in love that she’s taking bold moves for them, solving their problems, encouraging their dreams, and hyping them like they’re related to Davido or some rich person, they start to feel like they’re the ones being rescued.
That bruises their ego.
And there’s another crop of men who are so used to the chaos that the idea of peace and stability bores them.
It’s like they’re addicted to drama.
If there’s no suspense, silent treatment, or “I’m fine” text wars, they don’t want it.
Pure love?
Peace?
Stability?
Yawns.
4. They fear being trapped
A woman who likes a man can easily become one of the most proactive people on earth, doing everything and anything even when it’s too early.
So, the man might like the woman in return, but seeing her do the most can scare him away.
He’s thinking, if she’s doing this much now, what happens when they get together officially?
She may not give him breathing space at all.
He likes her too, but the way she’s all-in makes him feel like he signed a contract he didn’t read.
I mean, “Till death do us part” wasn’t supposed to be discussed before the first date.
However, with the way she’s going on about it, that’s what she might do.
5. They’re not ready to be that committed
Some men see too much affection from a woman as a down payment for marriage, and if they’re not ready for that kind of commitment, they panic.
It’s like receiving a full scholarship when you only came to ask for a brochure.
They were not expecting to get that much of an emotional investment without lifting a finger, so they’re taken aback.
And instead of looking closely, appreciating the love, and trying to work things out, they run away.
They don’t want to put everything into the relationship yet.
6. They are insecure
This is the case many times, but many guys are not ready for this conversation.
Many times, the guy is wondering, “Why does she like me this much? What does she see that I don’t?”
That insecurity can make him suspicious.
He now feels like something is fishy when there’s literally nothing going on; the woman just likes them.
Some men don’t trust peace, especially if they grew up in chaos.
So, when love is served on a golden platter without any effort, they start to feel like impostors.
Maybe he hasn’t bought the lady something as little as suya, yet she treats him like a king.
He feels like he hasn’t earned that honor, so he shouldn’t be getting it.
7. They feel smothered
Let’s be real: getting love-bombed, especially when you’re not quite there yet, can be overwhelming.
97 missed calls and 41 “I miss you” text messages when you just saw each other 30 minutes ago is a lot even if you like the person back.
Love is sweet, no doubt, but space is oxygen.
When a woman’s expression of love becomes too much for a man, he can feel consumed in it and might even misinterpret the consistent attention as manipulation.
He’ll think many things, including the fact that she might be doing it to get something from him, even if it is just innocent love.
8. They believe she’ll always be there
People tend to take things for granted when they believe those things will always be there.
And they don’t do this with only things; they do it with people, too.
When a woman’s affection is guaranteed, a man may lose the drive to pursue or impress her.
He thinks he has her forever, and she’s not going anywhere because she likes him too much, so he stops trying.
Nobody polishes a trophy they already think they’ve won.
This is an unhealthy way to think about someone who likes you because you’re basically taking advantage of their feelings, but a lot of men do it.
And it doesn’t only happen only when a woman likes a random man, it can happen when they’re already in a relationship or even married.
This is why some men do things like cheat, abuse, and manipulate because they know the woman loves them too much to leave.
Personally, I think a man who avoids a woman who has too much love to give than he has the capacity to receive is better than one who stays, takes advantage of it, and abuses her.
But neither of them is pleasant.
The right thing to do is to talk about your feelings without judgment, not run away.
And for the women, you can balance showing interest without scaring a guy off.
Even if you like him a lot, you don’t have to show it all.
You can show it subtly and nicely, in a demure way.