As much as I decided to write this, it still shocks me because it is beyond my reality.
I honestly cannot wrap my head around why anyone would date someone they don’t intend to marry.
However, I have seen it happen countless times, and it’s impossible to ignore.
I mean, right from high school when people were dating just for fun – even if I admit they liked the person – I was that particular.
If you weren’t someone I could marry, I didn’t bother.
However, since I share the world with billions of other people, I cannot possibly believe that everyone is or should be like me.
So, I have come to accept it as some people’s reality, as shocking as it is to me.
For that reason, I am willing to help other women, who like me, might find it hard to wrap their heads around it.
Therefore, if you have a partner and are wondering why he has refused to marry you or if you are just curious about why men do that, keep reading for the reasons.
9 Reasons Men Date Women They Don’t Intend To Marry
1. They fear commitment
You may see this and ask, “If he fears commitment so much, why is he in a relationship at all?”
Well, let’s be realistic; the commitment required for marriage is different from that of a relationship.
I mean, in many societies, you need to sign a certificate to get married and will need a judge to dissolve it, whereas you can just leave a relationship.
So, yes, a man who has deep-rooted fears about forever might choose to date but not marry.
This is because while he might genuinely like the woman, he can’t quite see himself settling down with her.
After all, the idea of committing fully feels like locking himself in a cage.
So, instead of walking away, he stays in a kind of limbo with her, where he is present but not invested in the long term.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care or enjoy being with her, but mentally, he is always halfway out the door because the thought of committing fully scares him.
2. They are getting something else from her
Unfortunately, not everybody dates because of love or because they see the person in their future.
For some, it is about what a woman brings to the table right now.
I know society doesn’t emphasize this, but some men date women because they provide financial support.
If she comes from a rich home or has connections that can help his career/business, he might be dating her for that reason.
And yes, some date for the popular reason – physical intimacy or even, surprisingly, emotional support.
Everybody enjoys having someone in their corner, so a man might date a woman for that reason even though he doesn’t want to marry her.
And some, it is for social perks or to avoid being alone.
Whatever it is, he’s sticking around because it serves him.
I know it sounds harsh, but some guys treat relationships like transactions: if they’re getting what they want, why rock the boat?
3. She provides companionship
As I said earlier, everybody enjoys having someone in their corner; humans crave connection, including men.
So, while a man might not see the person he is dating as wife material, if she fills that role of companion – goes on trips with him, or just makes the weekends less lonely – I am sorry, but he is not letting that go.
Some people are comfortable with companionship without commitment.
They may enjoy their time together, but they don’t see forever with the person or even want forever.
4. He wants a relationship, not marriage
I have hinted at this, but I might as well explain it.
Have you ever heard people say, “You don’t have to get married to be committed to each other” or “You don’t need a paper to certify your love”?
If you have never heard that, well, take it from me that some people say this, which basically means they don’t want to get married.
Some cases might be due to the first point – fear of commitment.
However, since I don’t claim to be a psychologist or know everyone, I am sure there are other reasons why some people might prefer to stay unmarried.
But that is not the point of the post anyway – what matters to us is that a man who is in this category does not want to get married even if he has a great woman by his side.
Marriage is not on the radar of this kind of man, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t realize the importance of being in love and having someone.
So while he might want a relationship – even a serious one with kids and shared properties – he might still not want marriage.
5. She is convenient
Another hard pill to swallow, but unfortunately true.
Some men stay in relationships with women they don’t intend to marry because she is convenient.
For this category of men, their issue is not a fear of commitment or because they don’t believe in marriage.
They do want to get married; just not to the woman they are currently dating.
She could be in their lives only because she lives nearby or they’ve been together a while.
It could also be because she knows his routines, so it’s easy, it’s comfortable, and it doesn’t require much effort.
For some guys, that’s enough for now.
They are basically keeping her around until they find someone they want or have the strength to find someone else.
6. They fear starting over
Segueing from the last line of the previous point, starting over is not always the easiest thing, especially after investing time, energy, and emotions into someone.
So, instead of facing awkward first dates, the stressful talking stage, and the risk of getting hurt again, some men just stay.
Even when they know deep down that she’s not the one, they hang on because the thought of looking for someone else is exhausting.
So, they’d rather coast in a “meh” relationship than jump back into the dating pool.
7. They have a child together
Having a child with someone means the person will always be in your life, in ideal situations.
And some people take that literally.
So, even when the romantic connection has faded, some men stay simply because they want to be present for their child.
Or, in some cases, they know that not being in the mother’s life will push her to spiral – she might sue for full custody or prevent him from meeting the child.
So, responsibility, guilt, or fear of being labeled a “deadbeat” might keep a man from dating a woman he has no intention of marrying.
8. They don’t want to deal with the fallout of breaking up
I know every adult may have experienced a breakup once or twice in their lives – except for the lucky ones among us who found their true love in high school.
But many of us have experienced it, and we agree as a community that it is not for the weak.
Sure, not all breakups end badly; some might be amicable, but I am willing to bet most leave you an emotional wreck, even if you were the one to break up, like in my case.
So, it is not surprising that some men would rather avoid the tears, the guilt, the awkward conversations with mutual friends, and the discomfort of being the “bad guy.”
Instead of dealing with that, they drag things out, hoping it’ll somehow fizzle out on its own.
9. They are hoping their partner will change
For these men, they were with a woman they loved or still love, but because of her behavior, are reluctant to marry her.
Because of that initial or existent love, they might still be hopeful.
After all, there was a reason they fell in love with her.
They may think giving her time might make her mature and become the version of her they actually want.
The problem is that people don’t always change the way we want them to.
So, while he’s waiting for that transformation, time passes, and the relationship stays stuck.
He knows he can’t marry her because she is not “who he wants,” but he is still there, wishfully waiting for a miracle, which may or may not happen.