Cheating hurts in every part of the world.
You know how different things can have different meanings and interpretations depending on the society and mindset of the people there?
Cheating is not one of those; the effect is the same in every town, state, country, and continent.
Even in societies and religions where people are allowed to have more than one spouse, if it’s done without the knowledge of the primary partner, they feel hurt.
Even people who know that their partners are chronic cheaters still feel sad when they find out.
Why?
Because cheating is a betrayal and is painful.
Some relationships never recover from it, while some do.
However, if we were to take a general survey, the number of women who forgive their cheating partners is very high compared to that of men.
In almost all the couples I know who worked through infidelity and are working things out, it was the man who cheated, and the woman was willing to forgive and move on.
You rarely find men who are that willing to let go.
Why does this happen?
10 Interesting Reasons Men Struggle To Forgive Infidelity
1. Their ego is badly affected
If you know a good number of men even remotely, then you’ll know that for most of them, you can’t separate them from their ego.
I don’t mean every man, but a good number of them.
This ego is the first and most serious reason they struggle with forgiving infidelity.
Let’s be honest, nothing hits a man’s pride like knowing another man had access to what he thought was exclusively his.
It’s not just heartbreak, it’s heartbreak plus embarrassment.
A bullet was sent straight into the chest of his ego.
Society has raised many men to be the strong ones, the defenders.
So, cheating makes him feel powerless, like a lion whose territory got invaded by a goat.
He feels struck down and insulted and might even be questioning himself, wondering what the other guy has that he doesn’t.
“Was he richer?”
“Taller?”
“Did he say ‘good morning’ in a deeper voice?”
He spirals into painful comparisons that sting his ego and eat at his confidence.
He begins to feel like a failed man because, beyond the betrayal, he sees himself as not man enough, and that’s why he was cheated on.
It’s difficult to forgive when you’re in such a state of mind.
2. Shock
Sometimes, they just can’t believe it.
They’re utterly shocked and in disbelief.
The reason for the surprise in most men is that they didn’t think their woman could cheat at all; ironically, even the men who themselves are cheating think their wives would never do the same to them.
Very hilarious.
This happens because many of them have this idea that while men cheat for pleasure, women cheat for love.
So, to him, it’s not just her body; it’s her heart she gave away too.
And he can’t believe the betrayal.
In his mind, it’s okay if he does it, but not she.
How could she?
So, when they’re confronted with the harsh reality that their wives had or are having an affair, it’s like an electric shock.
They just can’t let go, no matter how much she apologizes.
3. They are possessive
The fact that a man is hurt and struggling to forgive his wife who cheated doesn’t necessarily mean he loved her.
It could just be possessiveness.
Some men don’t just love their women, they possess them in their minds.
So to them, infidelity isn’t just betrayal; it feels like theft.
And just like I still haven’t forgiven the guy who stole my MacBook charger three years ago even though he was caught and made to apologize to me, these men struggle to forgive this theft, too.
They believe they own the woman and don’t like to share at all.
Not from a place of love and commitment but from one of ownership.
This is why some men go as far as doing terrible things to their woman and the man she’s involved with when they catch them.
4. They think forgiving means forgetting
It’s not easy to forgive a cheating spouse, whether you’re a man or a woman.
While some women may try their best to put the episode behind them and move on, some men might not.
This is because they just can’t get it off their minds, especially if they catch her red-handed.
The replay button won’t turn off, no matter how much she apologizes.
He’s stuck on mental images that are high-definition and on repeat.
And if he can’t forget, he believes he can’t forgive either, because, for him, it’s all or nothing.
Forgiveness can’t be real if forgetting isn’t, so he stays stuck in the hurt, not realizing that forgiving isn’t parallel to forgetting.
You may forget after some time, or you might never forget, but you can choose to forgive if your partner is remorseful and you still love her.
5. Double standards
Double standards are very real, especially in situations like this.
Many men who cheat and beg forgiveness can’t stand the same offense from a woman.
Is it fair?
No.
Is it common?
Sadly, yes.
Maybe because they know just how much thought and intentionality goes into cheating, and that it’s not a mistake like they claim all the time.
So, they can’t reckon with the fact that she knowingly went to those lengths to have an affair, but they can understand or rationalize it when they’re the ones doing it.
Double standards.
6. They question everything
When a man struggles to forgive his woman for cheating, it’s not always because he just doesn’t want to.
It’s sometimes because of the loads of thoughts plaguing his mind.
All of a sudden, he begins to question everything they’ve shared in the past.
Now, every “I love you,” late-night phone call, and “just going to the salon” memory becomes suspicious.
He wonders if she ever loved him in the first place.
His trust is flushed, and his heart is broken.
Even if she begs and promises never to do it again, he doesn’t believe it because his whole life now feels like a lie.
7. Mockery
No matter how much we hate to admit it, we all care about what people say.
Some care more than others do, but we all care.
A man who ordinarily might gather the strength in him and forgive his woman for cheating might not do it as easily if other people are aware.
What I’m saying is that if the knowledge of the affair remains between them only and the third party, of course, the man is more likely to forgive than if a lot of people knew about it.
Many men can’t handle the thought of facing their friends knowing that they took back a partner who cheated.
Some friends and family members will never let him hear the end of it.
He may be trying to forgive, but he’s already hearing his sister say, “You took her back? After she did that?”
And he reclines again.
Peer pressure and mockery from the boys’ club and other influential people in his life can make forgiveness feel like a weakness to him.
8. It’s hard for them to rebuild the trust
When people get cheated on, especially when they never saw it coming, their life seems to pause for a second.
Everything around them is at a standstill, and at that moment, they can’t see a future for their relationship or marriage.
This is the effect of broken trust.
Trust, when broken, is hard to rebuild.
And for a man whose heart isn’t used to being that vulnerable, trying again might feel like self-sabotage.
He feels like he’s climbing Mount Everest while wearing slippers.
Lack of trust is what makes him have a problem with forgiving.
It’s also what makes him fear that it will happen again.
This is why couples are always advised to do everything within their means to preserve the trust in their marriage.
It is because one betrayal feels like a blueprint for future ones, and he doesn’t want to play the fool twice.
Cheating doesn’t do that much damage.
That’s why it’s better avoided.
9. He loved her more than he said
Many men often hide the deep, genuine love they feel beneath a tough exterior.
They act like they just love her a little, but she actually means the world to them.
One of two things is likely to happen when such a man is hurt.
It’s either his love for her compels him to forgive easily.
Or he becomes hurt beyond words and finds it extremely hard to let go or open up again.
People’s experiences in the past have proven that the latter is more likely to happen.
10. He’s only human
If we’re being honest, no one who gets cheated on will be walking around smiling and happy.
More often than not, they’re crushed and heartbroken, and some may even become mentally or physically ill.
So, pardon the man who struggles to forgive, he’s only human.
At the end of the day, men feel pain, too.
Sometimes, people struggle to forgive simply because they’re hurting deeply, even if they act like it’s no big deal.
They’re pained and can’t seem to get past the betrayal.
The thing about forgiveness after infidelity, whether it’s from the man or the woman, is that you can’t predict it.
It really depends on the particular individuals involved.
Many people see cheating as a deal breaker and can’t continue a relationship when they’re hurt in that way.
As long as the person who defaulted is remorseful, regrets their actions, deeply apologizes, is patient for the other person to heal, and does better, a couple can move on from infidelity regardless of who cheated.
I don’t mean to be a prophet of doom, but at the end of the day, the fact remains that some people never recover from infidelity.