Right from time, I have always held tight to the notion that “chasing” wasn’t necessary in relationships, regardless of the gender doing it.
This opinion is based on the fact that the word “chasing” suggests someone trying to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them.
I mean, that’s the only reason why grown adults have to chase each other.
And let’s be real, the outcome is almost never good when women do the chasing.
Many ladies have been there—you meet a guy who seems perfect, charming, funny, and mysterious enough to keep you intrigued.
So, you do what feels natural: you put in the effort.
You text first, plan dates, laugh a little too hard at his jokes, and convince yourself that if you just show him how amazing you are, he’ll finally see your worth.
But the reality is that it usually just remains a hopeful fantasy.
If a man wants you, you will know.
You won’t have to chase him.
However, when he doesn’t want you, he leaves you feeling confused and applying all the effort.
Chasing a man rarely ends well, and here’s why.
5 Reasons You Should Never Chase A Man (And What To Do Instead)
1. Men lose interest when it’s too easy
Over time, men have always taken the role of chaser in relationships if there is any need for chasing.
It has become a thrilling event for many guys.
They love the way they methodically break a lady’s defenses until she shifts from being uninterested to being very interested.
In fact, the playboys usually do it just for the thrill of the chase.
However, even serious and responsible men display a tendency to lose interest in a lady when it seems like she is chasing them.
Biology and psychology both confirm it—men are wired to pursue what excites them.
When you do all the work, you take away his natural desire to win you over.
So, you do all the calling and text him all the time, but he just acts nonchalantly.
A man who’s genuinely interested won’t leave you guessing—he’ll make moves, set up dates, and keep the energy flowing.
Men show their interest through their actions.
When you chase, it is a sign that these actions are not forthcoming.
If you’re the one constantly initiating, ask yourself: Would he step up if I stopped?
It’s an important question because it will help you realize the futility of your mission.
Now, does this mean you can’t tell a guy how you feel about him?
Of course not!
You can tell him how you feel about him.
But that should be the limit.
If he feels the same way about you, you won’t have to chase him.
You are chasing him because he doesn’t feel the same way about you.
Simple!
And this doesn’t mean that you should start playing “hard-to-get” with a guy you like.
If you like him and he likes you, then you can enjoy a nice relationship, with both of you investing effort into making it a success.
2. You deserve reciprocal energy
Picture a high-speed police chase.
The culprits are investing so much effort in getting away while the police are doing their best to catch up with them.
This is what a chase looks like– one person trying to get away while the other keeps on pursuing.
This is not a great way to have a relationship.
A relationship thrives on balance.
It thrives on mutual effort from two people who love each other.
If you’re always the one reaching out, planning, or emotionally investing while he’s lukewarm, you’re setting yourself up for resentment.
When a man values you, he will match your energy.
He will be invested in the relationship, and you won’t need to chase him.
One time, I had a female friend who started having feelings for me.
We talked things out, and I made it clear to her that I didn’t feel the same way about her, but she felt that was just temporary.
She thought she could sway me by putting in more effort, and that’s what she did.
Jeez! I have never seen anything like it.
She was always calling, telling me “I love you” and trying to get close to me.
I got tired of it all at some point because she was also trying to make me feel bad for not reciprocating.
I told her I couldn’t force something that wasn’t real, and she was devastated.
But the truth is that I did her a favor.
I wasn’t interested in playing with her.
She was my friend, and I would have loved things to remain as they were, but she wanted more.
An important reason not to chase a guy is that most of the time, your feelings are not reciprocated.
So, you end up feeling exhausted and sad because you have done too much for barely any benefit.
3. Chasing attracts the wrong kind of man
I know a few women have chased and successfully gotten a good man.
But the vast majority of ladies who have tried it usually end up attracting the wrong kind of man.
The reason for this is that most men have the tendency to make the first move when they see a lady they are attracted to.
The few men who don’t make a move won’t need you to chase them if they are truly attracted to you.
All they need is a slight nudge in the right direction.
Chasing men creates a sense of desperation in you that many men are ready to exploit.
The truth is that men who love being chased often have avoidant tendencies.
They like the attention they are receiving from you, but want to avoid any real commitment to you.
When you display a tendency to chase guys, you allow these kinds of men to take advantage of you.
High-quality men who are ready for something serious won’t play games.
They will show up consistently without making you beg for their time and attention.
4. It lowers your self-worth
Now, don’t get me wrong.
I am not an old-fashioned guy who thinks ladies have no business telling guys how they feel about them.
They can do that, and that won’t be described as “chasing”.
It doesn’t have any form of reflection on your self-worth.
It is different from chasing.
Every time you chase a man who isn’t reciprocating, you silently tell yourself: I have to prove I’m worthy of his love.
It is the same thing that happens to guys when they chase and their feelings are not reciprocated.
They start wondering what they can do to level up.
This affects their sense of self-esteem.
This is why I always say that any guy who flashes cash around while asking a lady out has low self-esteem.
He doesn’t think he has an innate attraction for her, so he has to give her some form of inducement.
Similarly, when you chase a guy without much success, it leaves you feeling like you are not good enough.
You feel like you have to do something more to make yourself more attractive.
And this sends you on an unending cycle of trying to please guys who don’t really care about you.
But here’s the truth – you are already enough.
The right person won’t require you to dim your light, shrink your needs, or overextend yourself just to keep their attention.
5. You are blocking your true match
I have seen several ladies say things like “Don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband”.
I don’t like the statement because it encourages a low level of commitment to romantic relationships.
In a romantic relationship with someone who is fully committed to you, the right thing to do is to be fully committed to them too.
If you cannot reciprocate their feelings, it is better to end the relationship and continue looking for Mr. Right.
While I disagree with that statement, chasing a guy has a unique way of blinding you to your true match.
You are pouring so much energy into a man who isn’t sure about you, and you may be feeling sad at being treated that way.
But you should also consider the opportunities you may be missing to be with someone who would move mountains just to be with you.
The more you spend time pining over a guy who doesn’t even feel the slightest bit of attraction for you, the more you are distracted from considering other options around you.
Until you stop chasing guys who don’t want to be with you, you may never be able to meet someone who truly loves you.
So, stop chasing breadcrumbs around.
Instead, you should focus on your life.
Build your career, focus on your studies, nurture friendships with people that matter and engage in hobbies that keeps you happy and relaxed.
Don’t chase a guy.
Instead, let him clearly express his feelings for you first.
You can tell him how you feel about him, but don’t chase if he gives off conflicting signs.
If a man can’t tell you he is interested in you in clear terms, then you should take that as a ‘no’ and focus on something else.
Most importantly, you need to know your worth.
The only way to ensure that no one takes advantage of you is by knowing your worth and refusing to reduce it for anything or anyone.
The truth is, you are not a backup plan or a prize to be won only after you have convinced some guy that you are worthy of his love.
The right man for you won’t need you to chase him.
He will be right beside you, walking towards that beautiful future you have envisaged.
So, stop chasing.
Stop running after someone who isn’t running towards you.
The love you deserve is the one that meets you halfway, not the one that keeps running away from you even as you chase it.