Men are like rocks, or at least most of them.
But even rocks can crack and crumble under commensurate pressure.
Two weeks ago, I heard a man say to his crying five-year-old son, “Men don’t cry. Stop crying.”
I shook my head in disbelief and upset.
Sadly, many men are brought up with these ideologies and told to hide their feelings.
If the topic of this article made you wonder, then that there is what I am talking about.
It is easier to detect when a woman is unhappy, unlike the male gender.
Many men are crumbling under the weight of emotions they have refused to name or acknowledge.
Some are unhappy with themselves and their current status but continue the rat race.
Some of these men are brothers, fathers, husbands, nephews, or sons.
They are around you.
They might not tell you how they truly feel, so I will share with you the signs of a man who is unhappy with himself.
Armed with this knowledge, you may be able to help them find their way out of an imminent chasm of depression.
10 Signs A Man Is Unhappy With Himself
1. He becomes distant
The statement, “Sticks and stones may break my bone, but words can never hurt me,” is untrue.
Words hurt, and they hurt really bad.
I recall when my husband worked with a toxic manager in a Big Four accounting firm.
He was meticulous with his work papers and wouldn’t bypass issues to complete the work fast, but she had a problem with that level of diligence and intelligence.
She used unsavory words about him and tried influencing the committee against him in his performance appraisal.
He was so hurt, and even though he presented a front that all was well and shrugged it all off, his behavior showed that he had internalized her words and felt unhappy with himself.
He became emotionally unavailable and distant.
He was at home but not present, and we just couldn’t reach him.
It was eating him up deeply.
Until I approached the conversation by reminding him of how amazing he was and all the commendations he had received in the past.
What she broke with words, I built back with words, and in a matter of days, after deep conversations in which my husband eventually acknowledged his feelings, he became the man I knew and married again.
When a man is unhappy with himself, he would most likely shut down emotionally and keep those he loves at bay.
Your once-loving husband may become a stranger.
It isn’t right to accuse or throw darts at him; you need to check how he is truly doing.
Not every “Fine” answer to “How are you?” is true.
Many are coded and pregnant with hurt, disappointment, and dissatisfaction.
2. He may hide under activity
Many unhappy people are walking about busy with their daily hustles and bustles.
They wear the mask of a smile on their faces, laugh at funny jokes, and greet others rather enthusiastically, but their heart is writhing in pain.
Unhappiness usually likes the cloak of normalcy.
In fact, if a man is unhappy with himself, he may seem busier than usual.
He would jump from one task to another and keep taking on more to compensate for the disappointment he feels within himself.
People who over-volunteer themselves often are dissatisfied and probably unhappy with themselves, so they hide their true feelings in unending activities.
Each day ends in a blur of work, with them thoroughly exhausted by their demanding schedule, but it gives them a semblance of order.
They lock up their feelings and continue driving themselves hard until they are at the end of the cliff.
I have always wondered about vibrant young people who committed suicide.
No one could tell for sure that they were depressed in any way or that anything was wrong because they were busy doing life, and all seemed well until they couldn’t go on again.
Sadly, they hid their feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction under activity.
Such is also the case of a man who is unhappy with himself.
3. He won’t laugh anymore
“The eyes are the window of the soul,” they say.
I love to look into people’s eyes when I greet them because, often, I see what they don’t say.
A man who is unhappy with himself would find it hard to hide his true feelings in his eyes.
If you are very perceptive, you will find that his eyes no longer glow or light up when he talks to you.
The glow would be replaced with a faraway look or a deep sadness.
Similarly, if he used to be a jolly fellow, he may find smiling hard.
You may find that the jokes that used to crack him up would no longer crack him up.
In fact, he may act as if it is a disturbance to him.
If he used to crack many jokes before, he might stop doing that, and because many men like to hide their emotions, he may hide under the guise of “being too busy for that.”
He is unhappy with himself and can’t muster those expressions of happiness you used to know him with.
4. He may become angry and critical
When some people suddenly start acting like raging bulls, you may be tempted to think it’s about you.
I mean, it looks like you are the problem and the cause of their offense, but when you look intrinsically, you may find that they are the ones with the issue.
For instance, when I see some people fighting in the middle of traffic, it is obvious that the bone of contention wasn’t the actual trigger.
Sometimes, it is the internal frustration they have denied and buried that is expressed through their angry outbursts.
A man who is unhappy with himself may become uncharacteristically critical and angry.
He may become irritable to everyone, and everything about him, and every word or action becomes an inflammable one that can make him explode.
Sigh!
See, ehn, our emotions are not meant to be bottled up and trashed, and many who do so are like a keg of gunpowder.
5. He may careless and out of character
Happiness makes you do things, and sometimes, you may express your joy in out-of-character ways.
A usually grumpy man who is happy with himself may become unusually talkative and cheery, so much so that you need to pinch yourself. Lol!
Happiness makes us act out of character sometimes.
But unhappiness also makes people act out of character.
A man who is unhappy with himself may start struggling with his daily activities and responsibilities.
You may observe that he is dropping the ball often at work and now shows a lack of enthusiasm toward work and even the things he once loved.
He also does this to the people he loves.
He may stop putting effort into the relationship and start dragging his feet.
Some men even start giving mixed signals, and you may be wondering if you did anything or if he doesn’t want you anymore, but it isn’t about you.
6. He may lose his enthusiasm for life and love
When a man is unhappy with himself, nothing in his life makes sense anymore.
He loses the zest for life.
Everything that once excited him before might seem like trash because of the powerful emotions he is dealing with.
This is a dangerous place to be in because it is at this point some people commit suicide.
At this point, they tipped over and decided life wasn’t worth living anymore.
If you have noticed this sign in a man in your life, then you need to get him urgent help.
Depression is like a bottomless pit; the more you fall, the farther down you go.
People hardly find their way out of it without help or support.
7. He may engage in negative self-talk
A man who is unhappy with himself may express this by talking negatively about himself.
Negative self-talk is never cute, and people hide all sorts of brokenness under it.
I have heard people defend it by saying, “You can’t shame the shameless,” but that’s just awful.
The surprising thing is that sometimes, people who talk negatively about themselves put in a mix of smiles and laughter when they say those awful things.
Others may laugh uproariously at their “joke.”
But it is a wicked spider’s web they keep webbing themselves in.
Every laugh or joke about what they say simply validates the terrible ways they perceive themselves, and they keep dying within.
When a man talks negatively about himself, check it.
His words reflect how he truly feels about himself.
After all, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
8. He becomes defensive at every turn
Defensive people are some of the hardest people to relate to.
Everything you say is always taken out of context and received as a direct attack on them.
It is no surprise because hurting people always hurts others.
Just like an injured snake spits and strikes in every direction, a man who is unhappy with himself becomes defensive at every turn.
9. He avoids everyone
This is beyond a mood swing; it is isolation from everyone.
When a man is unhappy with himself, he may go against the famous Liverpool slogan and start walking alone.
He may be unable to look you in the eyes when he meets you because of how deeply disappointed he feels.
To avoid questions or conversations with others when all he feels is shame that makes him want to hide in a cave forever, he may avoid people, including people he loves.
10. He may engage in destructive behaviors
When a man is unhappy with himself, he may decide to drown his sorrows in alcohol.
Many chronic alcoholics are that way because of uncontained emotions that have eaten deep into them.
In a bid to escape the realities of their life, they wallow in the forgetfulness that alcohol brings them.
Unfortunately, this is only short-lived, and that is why they keep going back.
The same is true about drugs.
Some men start taking drugs because they are unhappy with themselves.
Some also start philandering to feel good in the moment and attain a sense of conquest they couldn’t get naturally because of how they feel about themselves.
All these destructive and addictive behaviors are just a smokescreen to the real matter.
They are unhappy with themselves.
When a man is unhappy with himself, he needs all the help and support.
Professional counseling or therapy is also a viable option to consider
While it is important for men to break out of the societal mold of not being expressive enough and denying their emotions, we should also, from time to time, check on the people in our lives: men and women.
People are going through a lot, and we all need a shoulder to lean on.