Love is one of those things that mesmerises many of us – for so many reasons – but mainly because it is the best feeling.
So, it is normal to want to fall in love and be with someone you care about.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go according to our wishes.
That means that while some women will find their prince at the first kiss, some might kiss a few frogs before finding their prince.
There is nothing wrong with being in the second category—some of us take a while to get there—but the problem is not quickly identifying when a guy is a frog.
This post seeks to address that issue, helping women quickly identify guys who are simply there to toy with their hearts.
This is because – let’s be honest – these things are not always clear, especially when your heart wants to believe the best of them because you want your own happy ending.
So, if you notice some things that are not adding up in your relationship or want to be sure what you are dealing with, keep reading.
10 Signs He’s Toying With Your Heart
1. You are not sure where you stand
Love is many things; one thing it isn’t is uncertain.
I always tell anyone who cares to listen that a huge sign that what you are dealing with isn’t love is that you are not sure it is love, especially if you have been with the person for a while.
Love is stable, and it is consistent.
If it isn’t, you are likely dealing with a guy toying with your heart.
If one day, he’s all over you, calling you “babe” and making sweet promises, and the next, he’s distant and nowhere to be found, you are not with a guy who loves you.
If he were for real, you wouldn’t have to guess how he feels about you; it would be too clear.
A man who genuinely wants you will never leave you questioning your place in his life.
2. His actions don’t match his words
Ever heard that actions speak louder than words?
Well, it is true.
Words are cool and all, but they need to be backed by actions to be believed.
So, he swears he likes you, but does he show it?
That’s more important.
If he says he misses you but never makes plans to see you, he clearly doesn’t miss you.
It is not rocket science.
If he missed you, he would be craving to see you – he saying it means nothing if there are no actual signs to show he is serious.
Words are easy to say, but actions tell the truth.
A guy not backing up his words with actions is a time-waster.
3. He makes no effort to be with you
See, guys are easy – they are not as complicated as women.
I apologise for the stereotype, but it is generally true – if a guy is interested in you, he’ll move mountains (or at least send a text) to see you.
If he is not doing that, there really isn’t anything else to wonder about.
Be honest with yourself – if you stopped texting him, would you ever hear from him again?
Your answer tells you where you stand.
A guy interested in you will not let you plan all the dates or initiate all your conversations.
He will make an effort to show you that you are his priority.
4. You are a secret
I understand that with the push for privacy in some quarters due to oversharing on social media, some women have been deceived by men who are not interested in them.
There is a difference between privacy and secrecy.
If you both agree not to post your relationship on social media, that’s fine.
But you are crossing into secret territory when you’ve never met his friends, family, or anyone in his world after being together for a while.
When a guy is serious about a woman, he flaunts her.
If he weren’t toying with your feelings, he would proudly introduce you to the people in his life.
Not doing that is a clear sign you are not the main woman, or he is just with you for fun until he has his fill.
5. He only contacts you for sex
If his texts only come through at night with a casual “You up?” “Come over,” or this one I absolutely hate—“Wyd?”
For those who don’t know what it means, it means “What you doing?”
If he cannot even respect you enough to complete his sentences or use a correct one, isn’t it clear that he is not looking for a relationship with you?
There is no two-ways about it – if he cared for you beyond the bedroom, he would be there in and out of it.
But if all you are worth is a late-night call or hook-up text when he has an itch, he is basically telling you that’s what you are there for.
You need to listen to him.
6. He is not interested in knowing you or you, him
Does he know your favorite things?
Your dreams?
What makes you laugh?
If not, it’s because he doesn’t care to ask.
When I met my man, I knew he was the one because he was interested in knowing details about me from our friendship.
He was always asking me questions and referring to my answers later.
For instance, he saw me eating one time in church and said I must be eating pasta.
You know why he said so?
Because he knows that’s one of my favorite things to eat.
It is really that simple.
If he wanted you, he would want to know you – your dislikes and likes – and he would want you to know him as well.
7. He dismisses your concerns
A man who is toying with your feelings will never address or acknowledge your feelings.
You know why?
Because he doesn’t care about them; you are there for a while, after all, so why should he bother himself?
Therefore, every time you bring up an issue, he will call you dramatic or needy or say you’re overthinking things.
Instead of addressing your feelings, he will make you feel bad for having them.
A man who truly cares will listen and try to make things better, not gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem.
If he constantly shuts you down, he’s just playing with your emotions.
8. He doesn’t fight with you
This might sound like a good thing, but it is not; one needs to care to fight.
I recently watched the recent season of Singles’ Inferno on Netflix and was stressed by one of the contestants because of her indecisiveness.
Anyway, she finally said about the guy she chose that the reason she kept complaining about him was because she really liked him.
That made me judge her less; the people we care about the most are the people who can hurt us the most, so their actions and inactions bother us more.
For instance, if you don’t care about someone, you wouldn’t be bothered if they called you or not.
So, if a guy never argues or tries to resolve issues with you, it’s because he doesn’t care enough to.
Even when you raise the issue, you will find that he either dismisses you or charms his way out of it.
The reason he is that way is that he’s not emotionally invested.
9. He is vague about commitment
When my sister met her husband, he was ready to get married in three months.
They were already friends before they got to that stage, though, so they had time to get to know each other.
However, the point is that a serious guy is decisive.
I am not saying three months is the ideal; I am saying the vision of what you mean to him and where you are going will be clear.
When you ask, he won’t be vague or give you unclear answers.
A guy who tells you, “Let’s just go with the flow,” or who laughs off your question is there to play with your heart.
If he wants you in his life long-term, he won’t hesitate to make it clear.
10. Your gut tells you he is
Ultimately, one huge sign a guy is toying with your heart is that you know he is.
Deep down, you know when something isn’t right.
If you constantly feel uneasy or question if a guy truly cares, your gut is trying to tell you something.
Don’t ignore it.