Love…
It is a great feeling, especially when your partner feels the same way about you.
The feeling is better experienced than described.
Now, the problem with this feeling is that it can make you do anything.
At least, that’s what many people say when they do crazy things.
They say they did it for love.
Well, it is possible to get so carried away by the flood of emotions and commitment that comes with being in a relationship.
When this happens, sometimes you may find yourself settling for less in your relationship.
While understanding your partner and learning when to compromise are important in having a successful relationship, there is a fine line between making a reasonable compromise and settling for less in your relationship.
How do you know you are settling for less in your relationship?
Settling doesn’t mean you don’t care about your partner.
It just means you’ve stopped asking for what you truly deserve.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re settling in your relationship, here are some signs to watch out for.
9 Signs That You’re Settling In Your Relationship
1. You are always making excuses for them
Let me start by emphasizing that no one is perfect.
We all have flaws, and there are times that we may not act the way we should.
But these times are usually few and far between.
If you realize that you frequently have to make excuses for your partner’s behavior, it could be a sign that something is wrong.
You are talking to your friends, and they don’t understand why you are in a relationship with a partner who acts or treats you the way they do.
Your family also can’t understand why you seem so hellbent on being in a relationship with your partner.
You defend and excuse your partner’s behavior to all these people, and the truth is, you may be right to defend your partner.
They don’t know your partner intimately.
The most definitive sign that you are settling in a relationship is when it feels like you are even trying to make excuses to yourself.
You keep trying to defend your partner to yourself.
It’s almost like you are trying to convince yourself that you didn’t make the wrong choice.
You want to see the best in your partner so badly.
So, you say things like “He is just stressed at work” or “She is just not good at communicating. She’s a sweet soul deep down”.
While it is natural to always want to see the best in your partner, constantly having to make excuses for their actions or inactions is a big red flag.
The fact that you are trying to convince yourself is a sign that you may be settling for less than you deserve.
2. Your emotional needs are unmet
While love is the main reason people have romantic relationships, there are some fringe benefits of being in a romantic relationship.
One of these benefits is the fact that it is expected that your partner satisfies your emotional needs.
Being in a relationship should give you the absolute certainty that there is someone in your corner who understands you.
You should never feel alone in an ideal relationship.
You feel unheard and unappreciated in your relationship.
It just feels like your partner doesn’t understand you.
There’s this disconnection you feel between the two of you, and even when you are physically together, you still feel lonely.
This is a sign of emotional dissatisfaction.
One time, I met a lady, and we started talking.
She initially mentioned that she was in a relationship, so I wasn’t attempting to get into a relationship with her.
But our conversations just got deeper as time went by, and one day, she told me that she had not felt this kind of emotional connection to anybody– not even her boyfriend.
She didn’t leave her boyfriend.
She remained in the relationship, and gradually, I drifted away from her.
This lady chose to remain in a relationship with a guy she couldn’t connect with emotionally.
He couldn’t meet her needs.
They had opposite perspectives on life, and he couldn’t even relate with her on the same wavelength.
The truth is that you may be everything your partner wants in a relationship, but your partner may not be everything you want in a relationship.
If this happens, it is usually a sign that you are settling in your relationship.
3. The future is no longer exciting
Someone told me about a lady who was about to get married, yet she was sad.
Marriage is usually a joyful event for most people.
So, it’s shocking when a bride goes to her wedding ceremony with a mournful face.
The person who told me about this bride mentioned she didn’t even enjoy her bridal party.
At some point, she burst into tears because the thought of spending forever with the groom felt like a nightmare.
If you are just like that lady, having second thoughts about your future in the relationship, it may be a sign that you are settling for less.
When you’re with the right person, the future feels exciting.
You make plans, set goals, and dream together.
But if you’ve stopped imagining a future with your partner—or worse, the thought of it fills you with dread—it’s a sign that you are settling in the relationship.
The relationship doesn’t bring you fulfillment, but rather than brave the uncertainty of singleness, you would rather remain in the relationship.
Settling means staying in the present because the future feels uncertain or unfulfilling.
Resist the urge to settle.
It is usually sponsored by a fear of the unknown.
4. You constantly compromise
I know a girl who used to believe that premarital sex was bad.
She still believes this but now does it to please her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend is one of those guys who appear flashy and attractive on the outside, but when you get to know them, you realize how ugly they truly are.
He manipulated the girl into agreeing to have sex with him, talking about how it would help her prove her love for him.
When she got pregnant, he made her abort the child.
Her beliefs were against abortion, but she did it to please him.
Then, she caught him with another lady in his bed, and she stormed out angrily.
She said she was done with the relationship, but guess what?
She is still with him.
I know compromise is a natural part of any relationship, but if you’re constantly putting your needs, dreams, or values on the back burner, it’s a sign that you’re settling.
That’s the honest truth.
The lady kept sacrificing her values and needs just to remain in a relationship with someone who didn’t value her.
I wonder how she justified that decision to herself.
If you realize that your partner always seems to make demands that require you to sacrifice things that are important to you, it is a sign that you may be settling in your relationship.
This is especially true when they never seem to make any compromises of their own.
Whether it’s your career, your hobbies, or your emotional well-being, sacrificing too much of yourself can lead to resentment and regret.
A healthy relationship should uplift you, not drain you.
If you’re giving more than you’re getting, it’s time to ask yourself why.
5. You are afraid to be alone
Some years ago, a friend was having a go at me and my singleness.
She said she was beginning to think I had a fundamental problem with finding love.
Well, I had a response for her…
I told her that many people are in relationships because they are afraid to be alone.
They are no longer in love with their partners but can’t leave because they are afraid of being alone.
The fear of being alone can keep you in a relationship far longer than you should be.
If you’re staying because you’re scared of starting over, being single, or not finding someone else, it’s a sign that you’re settling.
Being alone can be scary, but staying in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you is even scarier in the long run.
So you should make the right decision to save yourself the pain of settling for less in a relationship.
6. You are ignoring red flags
You know you are settling for less when you know something is wrong deep down, but you just choose to ignore it.
One time, a lady was talking about her relationship with her man, and she went all romantic, talking about how kind and loving he was.
I sensed a “but,” so I pressured her, and she admitted that he smacks her around sometimes.
We were all shocked, but we were more shocked by what she had to say next.
She said he just has anger issues but that he loves her, and she loves him too.
We tried to advise her as much as we could, but it was obvious that she wasn’t listening to us.
She was ready to settle for a long-term relationship with a man who slapped her around “sometimes.”
The red flags may be different in your situation.
Maybe they’re dismissive of your feelings, unreliable, or unwilling to grow.
If you brush off red flags because you hope things will change, it’s a sign that you’re settling.
Love doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards just to be in a relationship with someone.
And it definitely doesn’t require you to blindly ignore all red flags.
7. You are not proud of your relationship
I know many people like to keep their relationships secret because they don’t want interference from others.
But that’s not the only reason people keep their relationship secret.
Some people keep their relationships secret because they are not proud of their partners.
When you’re in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, you’re proud to share it with the world.
This is one of the things I don’t like about people in happy relationships.
It usually feels like they are rubbing it in our faces.
“My babe did this.”
“My babe did that.”
Jeez, we really don’t want to know.
But the truth is that people in happy relationships will do this.
They may not post on social media (which is outrageous because why do I know your daily routines and I don’t even know you), but they tell their friends and family.
However, if you find yourself hiding things from your family and friends, downplaying your relationship, or feeling embarrassed by your partner’s behavior, it’s a sign that something’s not right.
A relationship should be celebrated, not hidden.
If you are hiding it, then it is a major sign that you are settling for less.
You know you are and don’t want others to tell you the same thing.
8. You are afraid of conflicts
Healthy relationships thrive on the occasional conflicts that occur.
It is usually a way for partners to improve their conflict-resolution skills.
Healthy relationships involve open communication and constructive conflict resolution.
However, when you avoid conflicts, it is a sign that there is something wrong in the relationship.
I have seen people tiptoe around their partners because even just one step out of line can result in an outburst of anger.
So, in order to keep the peace, they try to avoid conflicts as much as possible.
For them, it is a noble mission.
Well, I just believe they are settling in their relationships.
If you’re avoiding conflicts because you fear rocking the boat, it could be a sign that you’re settling for an uneasy peace instead of addressing the issues in the relationship.
9. You are not growing in your relationship
Growth is important in every aspect of human life, and a healthy relationship fosters growth.
You can’t have a healthy relationship without growing because relationships expose us to challenges we may not have otherwise experienced.
That’s when you realize the need to mature because it is the only way to have a successful relationship.
Couples with happy marriages always find room for improvement in their relationships.
They push themselves to grow also in other aspects of their lives.
If it feels like your growth is being stifled in your relationship, it is a sign that you are settling.
It feels like your relationship is a burden keeping you in one place.
This happens especially when you have a partner who doesn’t have the same growth mindset you have.
They just want to have casual fun, but you take yourself and your life seriously.
So, you have to conform to their way of life, stifling your impulse to grow and remaining stagnant.
If this is you, you need to get out of that relationship now.
If you don’t, you may end up regretting the wasted years in the future.
Recognizing that you’re settling in your relationship isn’t easy, but it’s the first step toward getting the love you truly deserve.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you feel like the best version of yourself.
Love should be a source of joy, growth, and fulfillment—not something you tolerate or settle for.
So, take a deep breath, trust your instincts, and remember that you deserve a love that feels like a celebration, not a compromise.