In life, relationships need a lot of work and investment, regardless of their length.
Marriage is perhaps the relationship that requires the most amount of work.
There are no happily ever afters in marriage, and if you are ready to keep your marriage vows, you must be ready for ups and downs.
Am I painting a bleak view of marriage?
Don’t get it twisted, please.
Marriage is beautiful when you and your partner are ready to put in the work.
However, you may be ready to put in the work while your partner isn’t.
This new twist could cause a lot more issues in the marriage.
You may be working hard to fix your marriage while your partner is sabotaging your efforts with their indifference.
This could be a very frustrating place to be in your marriage.
If you are going through a tough phase in your marriage and it feels like your husband is doing nothing to help matters, here are some telltale signs your husband doesn’t care about your marriage anymore.
7 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Marriage Anymore
1. He stops communicating
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.
If communication is reduced in a relationship, couples may begin to feel less connected.
Just before I started writing this article, I came across a video whose main message was that anyone who values a relationship with you will learn how to communicate.
I think this is true.
While we can’t just expect everyone to know how to communicate the right way, we can’t expect them to remain that way.
Even men from non-communicative backgrounds know they need to learn to communicate if they value their relationships.
This is why it could be really surprising when your husband stops communicating.
The breakdown of communication I am speaking about here is not the silent treatment some men give their wives when they are angry at them.
It is something deeper.
It feels like your husband has stopped engaging in meaningful conversations with you altogether.
He no longer shares his thoughts and feelings with you.
He doesn’t tell you about his day, nor does he inquire about yours.
It feels like you are married to a brooding stranger.
And when you press him to know what’s going on, he either ignores you or tells you he prefers silence because he is trying to think.
Well, no man spends the whole day thinking.
Not even Socrates!
It is unhealthy to keep your thoughts shut up within you.
This could be a sign that your husband is emotionally distancing himself from the relationship.
When partners mentally check out of relationships, the first thing that takes a hit is communication.
So, if you are noticing this in your relationship, it really doesn’t mean anything good for your relationship.
2. He no longer invests effort into the relationship
One time, I was discussing with a married friend and I asked after her husband.
Her response was, “He’s trying”.
Now, while that phrase could mean “he is trying his best”, where I come from, it actually meant “Hmmm, he is just doing the barest minimum”.
I spoke to her and encouraged her.
Then, I also told her to honestly review her expectations of him.
They may just be unrealistic.
She agreed to do so.
The last time I spoke to her, she sounded positively happy.
My point is those little efforts matter.
Remember those little gestures that made you swoon with love for him?
Those gestures would literally make you feel butterflies in your belly the times he made an effort to make you feel special, cherished, and valued.
However, the thoughtful notes he used to leave around the house for you to find, the random gifts, and the dates…have all become past memories that you look upon with fondness.
Now, it feels like someone swapped your husband with a clone of him.
Those gestures that used to display how much he loves you are now absent in the marriage.
The truth is that every marriage goes through ups and downs.
However, if the low period is consistently longer, it is a sign that your husband may have mentally left the marriage.
He no longer makes any effort to make you feel special.
His actions instead show a marked disregard for you and the relationship.
Skipping date nights, neglecting anniversary dates, or simply not doing the bare minimum is a sign that your husband no longer cares about the marriage.
3. He withdraws emotionally
Emotional intimacy is a pillar of marriage.
Without it, all you have is two strangers living in the same house.
It is sad, but there are couples who have even lesser emotional intimacy than friends who haven’t spoken for a long time.
I have really good friends I haven’t spoken to for quite some time because adulthood comes with its responsibilities.
We can’t be the way we used to be as kids.
But when we call or text each other, it is still obvious that we know each other really well.
We meet after years, and no one can deny that we are friends.
We can’t say the same for you and your husband.
You leave the house together to go to an event, yet people can tell that there is something wrong.
Maybe it is something about how your husband holds himself or how he hardly talks to you.
Either way, even outsiders can sense the widening gulf between both of you.
Emotional intimacy is what holds couples together: it is what fuels the bond between them.
When it is gone, it may be an uphill task to keep the marriage together.
If your husband has become emotionally unavailable, frequently dismissing your feelings or shutting down when you try to connect, it’s a major red flag.
He doesn’t show any form of regard for your feelings and doesn’t make any effort to support you through times.
In fact, he sometimes is the source of the tough times you have to go through.
If this is happening in your marriage, it is a sign that your husband may have disengaged from the relationship.
4. He is always criticizing you
Criticism is beneficial to a relationship only when it is constructive.
I had to start this way because some people just hear that criticism is good for relationships and start criticizing without ensuring that it is constructive.
This reminds me of the time when my friend’s girlfriend did something really terrible.
He told me about it, and he said he wasn’t going to criticize her.
I didn’t agree with that.
So, I told him criticism is beneficial for relationships because it points out room for improvement.
Well, the dude got on a phone call with his girlfriend and went on to give the most destructive criticism I have ever witnessed.
That day was the end of the relationship.
Constructive criticism is acceptable in relationships.
For instance, if you cook a salty food and your husband says, “Babe, the salt in this food is a little too much. Next time, please reduce the quantity of salt you add to meals”.
That’s a constructive criticism.
He pointed out what was wrong and suggested a way forward.
You wouldn’t feel bad because of the correction.
But imagine he yells at you and calls you a lousy cook because of that; then that’s out of line.
If your husband has become overly critical and makes use of the destructive kind of criticism too frequently, it is a sign that something is terribly wrong.
It feels like your husband is going out of his way to find something to criticize about you.
The worst part is that it even feels like he manufactures faults where there are none because why does it feel like you can’t do anything right in the house?
You can’t remember the last time he appreciated you for anything.
It feels like he only complains about everything now.
If you are seeing this sign in your marriage, it could be indicative of the fact that your husband no longer cares about the marriage.
5. He avoids physical intimacy
A man avoiding physical intimacy has never been a great sign.
It is possible that your husband may not want sex for a short period for many reasons that may not mean trouble for the marriage.
However, if he also totally avoids any form of physical intimacy (affectionate touches, hugs, kisses, and cuddling), it could be a sign that something is very wrong with the relationship.
If he shows little or no interest in being physically close to you, it could be a sign of emotional detachment.
He also avoids being touched affectionately by you.
I remember seeing a man avoid his wife’s kiss.
I didn’t need anyone to tell me that something was wrong in their relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, physical intimacy levels can fluctuate in relationships from time to time.
However, a total disinterest in physical intimacy from one partner for a prolonged period is a bad sign.
If your husband behaves this way, it could be a sign that he no longer cares about the marriage.
6. He has no plans for the future
In a healthy marriage, couples usually make plans for the future together.
Those plans could include many things: trips they want to go on together, vacations, and even plans about how to care for the kids.
I grew up in a community with many dysfunctional marriages and saw firsthand how many people could be married to each other without making plans for the future.
I saw men who didn’t care about their marriages and how they behaved.
Many of these men didn’t even care if their families had food to eat, let alone make plans for vacations.
While I am not going to hold your husband to the insanely low standards of several men from my community, if your husband shows absolutely no inclination to make plans for the future, it is a sign that he may no longer see the marriage as a long-term commitment.
The absence of shared dreams and goals is a clear indicator of his lack of interest in the marriage.
After all, what is love if it isn’t found in shared goals and dreams?
A quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry buttresses this fact, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.”
Love is nurtured by a shared sense of purpose and goal.
When this is eroded, there may be absolutely nothing left of the love you once shared.
7. He is indifferent
Indifference has never been a good sign in a relationship.
I would rather have an angry friend than an indifferent one.
This is also the same for marriage.
We reserve indifference for people we care the least about.
If your husband seems indifferent to your happiness, well-being, and the overall state of the marriage, it’s a strong indication that he no longer cares.
Your husband doesn’t care about you, your feelings, or even the relationship anymore.
When you have conflicts, he no longer shows any interest in resolution.
He doesn’t attempt to discuss those things that matter with you.
When things like these happen in your relationship, it is a sign that your relationship may be about to hit a dead-end.
Indifference can manifest in many ways.
In many men, it manifests itself as apathy and a distinctive lack of motivation to work on the relationship.
In some other men, it may even manifest as outright flirting and infidelity.
This is because your husband is at the point where he no longer cares about his marriage.
This causes him to do reckless things.
I have a neighbor who cheats on his wife publicly without hiding it.
He brings different ladies home and even boasts about his sexcapades without a care in the world.
If he does all of these, it is a sign that he no longer cares about the marriage.
Recognizing these signs in your marriage could be a really sad experience, but I advise you not to wallow in self-pity.
This is the time to make important decisions.
The first decision you need to make is to decide if you still think your marriage is worth saving.
If it is, then you need to decide how to go about rescuing your marriage.
Well, here’s how I would do it…
If you notice several of these red flags in your marriage, it might be time to have an open and honest conversation with your husband.
Choose a day that he is approachable and talk to him about the signs you are seeing.
Let him know you are resolved to fight for the success of the marriage.
Also, ask him for his standpoint.
If he is ready to join you in one more effort to save your marriage, that’s good news.
To navigate this challenging period, it is best to seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist.
Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step towards rehabilitation.
Determination to improve and patience are all that’s needed for the rest of the journey.
In all of these, you should never forget to prioritize your welfare.
Don’t endanger yourself!