When I was single, one of the things that annoyed me about the married people around me was how they flaunted their marriage at every chance they got.
“My husband this” and “My wife that” annoyed the heck out of me… in a cute way.
I’d raise my nose jokingly, feigning anger whenever any of my friends did it, but deep within, I was super happy for them.
Needless to say, I became worse when I got married, speaking about my husband every chance I got.
My husband, also being my partner in crime, is not any better as he does the same thing: “My wife’ -ing people everywhere he goes.
It’s a beautiful thing when people are proud and excited about their marriage.
But the reality is that sometimes, this is not what some people experience.
A person can feel ashamed of their marriage, associating it with dishonor and contempt.
It’s wild but true.
It’s usually a sign of something deeper going on, but it does happen, and it’s a sad experience.
However, it’s way worse when the other party is not even aware that their partner secretly feels cringe about their union.
That’s why I want to share the signs to help a wife identify if her husband feels embarrassed about their marriage, in case she’s completely oblivious or even suspects but isn’t sure.
The first step towards fixing the problem is identifying that it’s there in the first place.
8 Telling Signs Your Husband Is Secretly Ashamed Of Your Marriage
1. He doesn’t wear his wedding band
Wedding bands are not for everyone, of course, but in many marriages, they’re a big deal – one of the signs of the couple’s commitment to each other.
This is why it’s usually used as a symbol during the wedding solemnization.
One of the ways men who don’t want to associate with their wives or marriages publicly carry out their mission is by keeping their wedding rings aside.
One of the reasons for this is that the man is ashamed of His Marriage.
If your husband just conveniently “forgets” his wedding ring at home every day, something might be wrong.
However, he can take it a step further by wearing the ring from home, but taking it off and putting it in his pocket when he’s out.
You think all is well until you show up randomly at his place of work one day, and there’s no ring in sight.
This is typically the tactic employed by men who are ashamed of their marriages.
They steer clear of anything that can obviously associate them with their marriage or partner in public.
You may also observe that he rarely introduces you as his wife or hesitates when doing so.
He also may shy away from posting or talking about you on social media, even though he’s active online.
He may not say it with his mouth, but these signs suggest that he’s not proud of his marriage.
2. He acts single
If not because you’re his wife, you’d think he were single if you met him outside, given his behavior.
A woman at my workplace once shared how her ex-husband had led a double life.
He was her husband at home, but everywhere else he went, he was a single guy.
Even at home, he still had the mindset of a bachelor, making independent decisions and looking out for himself alone.
A man who is like that at home would, of course, be worse outside.
She told us how he always downplayed or hid his marriage when he was speaking with people outside, especially those who didn’t know he was married.
He may not tell him he’s single, but his actions do that well.
And on the few occasions where he talks about the relationship with his wife, it’s never in a good light.
If your husband does this, you won’t be wrong to believe that he’s ashamed of your marriage.
3. He doesn’t go out with you
You scroll through Instagram and see couples going on dates and attending weddings, conferences, and programs together.
You are immediately sad and keep your phone aside, not because they’re not cute, but because it reminds you of something deficient in your life – going out together.
Perhaps your husband doesn’t go out with you or, worse still, tries to avoid you in public places.
He acts differently around his friends, colleagues, or family, treating you more like an acquaintance than a spouse.
It’s terrible.
For the person who should adore you the most to be running away from you, it’s a devastating experience.
This can do a lot of damage, not just to the marriage but to the wife and her sense of worth.
I’ve seen a man publicly avoid his wife’s touch before.
She was trying to be affectionate and sweet by holding his hands, but he immediately shrugged her off.
I felt secondhand embarrassment on the woman’s behalf and wondered what she had done to deserve such treatment from the man who had married her.
My mind went to the different possible reasons a man will be ashamed of his marriage: it doesn’t match his expectations, his wife did something he considers shameful, and so on.
Whatever the reason, I wish those men get to know or are told how wrong their actions are.
If your husband acts in these ways —hiding you from his friends and colleagues, never inviting you to office parties, professional gatherings, or important social events, and making excuses to keep you from interacting with people close to him —then you need to talk about it as soon as possible.
Or maybe he just always finds a reason to be away from home more than necessary.
He always has an excuse to stay out: work, gym, friends, or “needing space.”
He prefers being around other people but avoids quality time with you.
It’s a cause for alarm.
4. He compares your marriage to others
This sign, although subtle, is a bit more direct.
You know your husband is ashamed of his marriage to you when he constantly compares your marriage to others, implying that theirs is better.
If he has ever made comments like, “If I had married someone else, things might have been different,” or something similar, he’s simply letting you know the state of his heart concerning your marriage.
It’s great for him to admire other couples, but rating them above his marriage shows that he’s unhappy in his marriage.
5. He’s never comfortable when someone praises you
Every normal person praises their spouse and loves it when others do it too.
When you love someone and are proud of them, you want to show them off to the world.
However, the reverse is the case when a man feels embarrassed about his marriage.
He sees it like a curse – a reason to be annoyed.
Someone might try to talk to him about you or compliment you, and he’ll immediately brush it off, change the subject, or even look irritated.
This is no longer a secret at this stage.
You observe that he never takes pride in talking about your achievements, beauty, or qualities.
He’s also fond of downplaying the efforts you put into the marriage, making it seem like an obligation and not something he should appreciate.
6. He tries to keep you away from his family
You’d think keeping you away from his family can only happen when you’re a girlfriend, side chick, or fling.
But no, it can happen when a man secretly struggles to accept his marriage, too.
If he doesn’t see you as a blessing in his life, he might discourage encouraging a close relationship between you and his family.
You may find that he doesn’t involve you in family matters, keeps you out of family group discussions, and avoids discussing you with his parents or siblings unless necessary.
This is a heartbreaking place to be in as a wife.
It’s a demeaning situation that you should address.
7. He looks embarrassed when you’re around in certain settings
The look of embarrassment is one you can’t miss if it’s there and you pay close attention.
I find it quite irritating when a man gives silent clues that he’s ashamed of his wife, and the wife is completely clueless about it.
He looks embarrassed when she’s around him in certain settings, gets annoyed when she speaks in group conversations, especially around certain people, and so on.
I feel like screaming at the woman’s ears, “Can’t you see he’s ashamed of you?!” Go home, wait for that man, and have a conversation!”
If you’re in such a situation, let me be the first to tell you that your husband’s overly critical comments about your actions or appearance in public —such as sighing, rolling his eyes, or dismissing your contributions in discussions — is not normal.
It may mean that he’s ashamed of his marriage.
8. When you bring it up, he’s indifferent
Sometimes, you can see all the signs pointing in a particular direction, but when you bring it up with your partner, they apologize and let you know that those were not their intentions.
And true to their words, they turn a new leaf.
When this happens, you know you might have suspected wrongly, or maybe you were even right, but your partner saw how you felt and repented.
However, in a situation where you let them know and they ignore it or act indifferently, that’s a confirmatory diagnosis that your suspicions were correct.
You bring up your concerns, and instead of acknowledging them, he either gets defensive or dismisses them, never reassuring you or making an effort to change.
He acts like your feelings don’t matter and even says you’re overthinking things.
If this happens, know that you are not overthinking anything; he’s, in fact, doing exactly what you think he’s doing.
If you’ve seen any of these signs, it’s time to have a serious conversation.
You need to express yourself clearly to him, observe his response, and take action.
A man who values the marriage will try to adjust, while one who is truly ashamed may deflect, blame, or deny.
If he’s open to it, consider seeking professional help to uncover underlying issues and address them.
And if he’s genuinely ashamed of being married to you, ask yourself if you deserve to be in a marriage where you are undervalued, hidden, and unappreciated.
A healthy marriage is one where there is mutual respect, love, and public acknowledgment.