One of the things I’ve learned about people is that they handle situations differently.
What one person responds to by yelling and venting, another might respond to by giving the silent treatment.
Understanding this is very crucial to having healthy relationships, including marriages.
If your husband feels hurt about an occurrence, situation, or an argument you had, he’s likely to react.
The reaction depends on several factors, including his personality, the severity of the issue, and even your attitude.
If he seems to have suddenly changed and is acting all strange, and you suspect that he’s getting back at you for something you did, maybe he actually is.
Here’s how to find out.
8 Signs Your Husband Is Secretly Punishing You Emotionally
1. He doesn’t eat what you cook
I consider cooking an act of love and sacrifice because a lot goes into it.
Putting hours and a lot of effort into something just so someone can be fed and done eating in a few minutes is a lot.
So I’m usually not surprised when wives get mad that their husbands don’t eat what they cook.
She spends all her time cooking, maybe an hour, two, or three, only for him to walk in after a long day, dismissing everything she cooked and going straight to bed.
That’ll hurt.
If your husband does this once, it might not be from any hidden motive; however, if it keeps happening, he may be trying to get at you.
Especially if he already knows how it makes you feel when he does it.
He may see it as the only opportunity to punish you for something you did.
It might be time for you to keep those pots and spoons aside and talk to him.
2. He ignores you
The silent treatment is one of the most painful things for many people.
My husband once said, “Please, no matter what I do, never give me the silent treatment. Talk to me about it. I don’t like the coldness and silence that comes with the silent treatment. If I wanted silence, I wouldn’t have gotten married.”
I remember laughing that day, but much later, the statement got me thinking.
No one likes to be ignored, especially not by the person who means the most to them, maybe in the entire world.
Your husband might act like everything is okay, but he doesn’t acknowledge your presence or give you attention.
When you talk, he responds half heartedly or just nods, making you feel bad.
You need to know that if he’s doing these things, he might be trying to make you feel pain.
The worst part is when he doesn’t communicate his feelings or explain the coldness; he just lets you wonder what’s wrong, even if you’ve done nothing at all.
3. The bare minimum treatment
This is one tactic many husbands use, especially the manipulative ones.
They’re upset but don’t want to talk about it or make things right, so they internalize the anger and continue acting as if all is well.
Your husband might do all the essentials and not outrightly ignore you, but his affection, love, and presence will not feel the same.
It’ll feel like he’s just checking a box rather than truly engaging.
You know all is not well because, instead of being warm and loving, he switches to a formal, overly polite way of talking to you, as if you’re just an acquaintance rather than his wife.
I know this well because I do it sometimes when a loved one hurts me. I withdraw every excessive affection and become formal with them, trying to make them see that something is wrong.
It’s not the healthiest thing, I know, but I do it sometimes.
If your husband does this, it’s a sign.
Or maybe you see him trying to act normal but not exactly being supportive.
When you’re overwhelmed or stressed, instead of stepping in to help, he watches you struggle, subtly relishing that you’re dealing with things alone.
That man knows exactly what he’s doing.
4. He starves you sexually
We often hear about this more from the woman’s perspective, but make no mistake, it also happens to men.
Some husbands withhold physical affection and even sex from their wives as a form of punishment.
And a woman with a healthy libido will feel it.
Sometimes, he may not completely withdraw; he may still touch you, but not in the way you’re used to.
It now feels robotic, distant, or transactional.
The warmth, passion, and tenderness disappear, leaving behind a subtle void.
It’s subtle, but it’s there.
5. Sudden and selective forgetfulness
Another way your husband may be emotionally punishing you is through selective forgetfulness.
I once had a boyfriend who used to do this.
Whenever he was mad, he would conveniently forget things that mattered to me, such as my important dates, tasks I had asked him to do, or conversations that made me feel heard.
I knew it was intentional because he would remember everything else.
It’s a tactic used mostly by manipulative men or men who don’t know how to communicate when they’re hurt.
If your husband does something where he agrees to something, then all of a sudden forgets, and subtly tries to make you feel guilty about pursuing it, something is up.
You need to talk about it.
6. Helping everyone but you
This one is quite common.
Husbands using other people to get at their wives is an age-old strategy many men use to make their wives feel invisible.
And it can happen in different ways.
You may notice that he goes out of his way to be nice, helpful, kind, and supportive to friends, colleagues, or even strangers but withholds that same care from you.
Or maybe he’s all bubbly, laughing, full of jokes, and energy around others, but when he’s at home with you, he’s reserved, unbothered, or emotionally unavailable.
Your husband giving you the cold shoulder, especially in public, is not something to brush off.
It’s very intentional.
He knows exactly what he’s doing.
7. Being subtly mean
It’s one thing if your husband is being glaringly wicked.
You know he’s trying to get at you.
But when it’s subtle, it can be dicey.
It can come in the form of backhanded compliments, such as “You look nice today. I wasn’t expecting that,” or other statements that make you feel insecure and sad.
He might be subtly undermining your confidence by dismissing your opinions and ideas, questioning your decisions, or making you second-guess yourself in ways that appear to be genuine concern but are actually meant to keep you doubtful.
You have to be very self-aware to know when this is happening.
Another way he might do this is by treating matters that concern you with laxity while being prompt with other matters.
Or zoning out when you’re talking and responding in a way that makes it clear that he wasn’t paying attention.
Being in a situation like this can mess up your mind because you’ll be wondering if you’re overthinking or if he’s actually being mean.
I’ll save you the stress and tell you that he’s really dismissing your emotions.
Don’t ignore it.
8. He compares you
Nobody likes being compared.
Unless you’re comparing them in a positive light, of course.
But comparing them in a way that makes their inadequacies evident?
Nope.
So if your husband starts comparing you to other women in subtle ways, asking you why you can’t try to be more like someone else, he’s trying to get you upset.
It’s an attempt at making you feel inadequate without being outright cruel.
Why this requires attention is because these things often go unnoticed but can slowly wear down your emotional well-being.
He might be very hurt, hence his actions, but talking about it can help you both find healing, forgiveness, and peace.
Talk to him about it and be ready to take responsibility if he opens up about something you did.
Then let him know that his actions were damaging behaviors and made you feel unloved, unseen, and emotionally starved.
Emotional punishment may not be as abrasive as outright abuse because it’s quiet, but it’s equally as damaging, if not more, because it is hard to pinpoint and easy to justify.
If you notice these signs, please address them early before resentment deepens.