Sex is one of the things that many couples don’t seem to talk about enough in marriage.
And I find it amusing, especially because before they get married, the eagerness to discuss it was always present, and many even indulge in the act.
But after marriage, something changes for many couples.
It’s so bad that sometimes, one of them is unsatisfied or even displeased about the state of their physical intimacy, but because of the poor communication in that area or for whatever reason, they keep it to themselves.
If you’re a wife suspecting that your husband is not particularly happy about your sex life, then you need to look into it.
He should be telling you how he feels, but since he’s not – probably because he doesn’t want to hurt you – then you should talk to him about it.
But before doing that, you want to be sure that’s even the situation in the first place.
These signs will help you confirm.
10 Signs Your Husband Is Secretly Unhappy With Your Physical Intimacy
1. He never initiates it
In most marriages, the husbands initiate physical intimacy more than the wives do.
Perhaps it’s a social conditioning or due to higher libido on the part of the men.
But that’s just how it is.
This is not to say that women don’t initiate; they do, and I’m proud to be one of the wives who do.
However, on a general note, men initiate more often.
So, one of the easiest ways to tell that a man isn’t happy about your sex life is that he stops asking for it.
If he used to make the first move before but now always waits for you to initiate it or doesn’t initiate it at all, he may not be feeling it.
A man who once couldn’t keep his hands off his wife but now acts indifferent when she gets close is signaling that something is off.
Even if you’ve always been the initiator more than he was, you might notice a drastic decline in the number of times he comes for it.
That’s how you know that something is not right.
2. He stops being romantic
Romance is a crucial part of physical intimacy.
It sets the tone for it and makes it more enjoyable.
Therefore, a husband who is unhappy about intimacy is likely to reduce his romantic efforts as well.
He’ll no longer make an effort to set the mood.
If he used to plan romantic dates, send flirty messages, or do other things to build anticipation, and he no longer romantically compliments you but now expects things to happen without effort, it could be a sign that he has lost enthusiasm for it.
All the playful teasing, stolen kisses, and cheeky compliments have disappeared into thin air and he no longer romantically compliments you, something may be missing from him.
And it may not always be something major.
Maybe he just feels like you both have fallen into a routine and need to add a little more excitement.
3. He engages grudgingly
It’s one thing for him not to initiate intimacy, but for you to initiate and for him to still act uninterested- that’s a serious one.
You try to get things rolling in the bedroom, but he’s always too tired or not in the mood, asking you to leave it till a tomorrow that never comes.
It’s always “I’m just really exhausted,” “Maybe tomorrow,” or “Work has been crazy,” but he has plenty of energy for other activities (like late-night scrolling or hanging out with friends).
He now sees sex with you as a chore which whenever he gets to, he does grudgingly.
This is someone who once cared about your satisfaction and used to put in effort to make intimacy enjoyable for both of you, but he now rushes through it or seems disengaged.
He doesn’t make eye contact or make it feel like lovemaking.
He just wants to do it and move on like something on a to-do list.
Those are pretty strong signs that that man may have checked out mentally and emotionally.
He’s dissatisfied.
4. He avoids you
This is a tactic many men use when they’ve lost interest in physical intimacy with their wives.
They suddenly become MIA, not available for even small talk because they’re trying to avoid the possibility of even getting mushy.
You may notice this with your husband.
He’d rather be alone than spend time together, this may mean he’s seeking satisfaction elsewhere, either emotionally or physically.
A man who avoids real intimacy but indulges in fantasies is likely unhappy with reality.
5. He cheats or flirts with other women
There’s never an excuse for cheating emotionally or physically but sometimes, there are reasons, (still doesn’t justify it though).
If your husband is now showing interest in other women or even getting involved with them, it may be connected to how he feels about intimacy with you.
A husband who suddenly starts commenting on how “Tolu from work has really been hitting the gym,” or how one actress on the screen looks amazing, but doesn’t say a word about your beauty might be mentally checking out.
He’s getting distracted and it might be stemming from a dissatisfaction he feels about the closeness in your marriage.
His actions are wrong, no matter what his reasons are.
Couples need to talk about issues and avoid being disloyal to each other.
6. He disconnects immediately after sex
In this article, I talked about the things happy husbands do after intimacy.
And it’s pretty clear that a man who is happy and satisfied about the intimacy he shares with his wife will not immediately disconnect from her simply because the act is over.
If, after a romantic moment, he quickly rolls over, grabs his phone, falls asleep, or leaves the room instead of cuddling or engaging, something might be wrong.
He might be feeling unhappy but unsure of how to express it.
When intimacy is satisfying, it usually deepens the connection, not create distance.
7. He avoids talking about it
This is how you know that something is definitely wrong.
When he doesn’t want to talk about the intimacy in your marriage.
He may act like all is well but when you try to talk about it, he quickly changes the subject, laughs it off, or gives short answers.
Perhaps he’s uncomfortable admitting his feelings or doesn’t know how you’ll take it.
A man who is happy about intimacy will usually engage in these discussions, not dodge them.
Unfortunately, that talk that he’s trying to avoid is the only way out of whatever issues are on the ground.
8. He does PDA but is different privately
If there’s one thing human beings have mastered, it is putting on a façade.
You can see a man being all over his wife in public and think their sex life must be the bomb but their reality might be far from that.
Some husbands express more affection publicly than they do privately.
If your husband is happy to share hugs, holds hands, and acts affectionate in public but turns cold when you’re alone, he might be putting on a front.
His actions show that he doesn’t genuinely enjoy intimacy with you because a thriving intimate life usually shows up behind closed doors first not just for appearances.
9. He is irritable and generally withdrawn
Sex is a major part of marriage and it’s so important that when it’s not giving what it should give, it can have ripple effects.
A man who is unhappy in his intimacy often carries that frustration into other areas of life.
If he seems moody, distant, or easily annoyed over little things, it might not be about those things at all.
It could be about what’s happening (or not happening) behind closed doors (or, more accurately, behind closed bedroom doors).
10. He tells his friends
Some men feel more comfortable opening up to their male friends than even their wives.
I don’t know why.
Maybe they just believe they’ll understand better since they’re guys.
But this is not right.
A man can have friends and confide in them, but I shouldn’t be deeper than how he communicates with his wife especially when it’s on a matter that concerns her.
Unfortunately, many men still do it, and that’s why one of the ways to know the way a man truly is is by listening to his conversations with his friends.
That’s another way you might find out what he really thinks about sex with you.
However, some men may not share such details with their friends because they respect their wives and marriage.
But some will.
And it’s all because not all men are great at expressing their dissatisfaction in words to their wives.
They’d rather communicate it through actions (or lack of them).
If you notice multiple signs on this list, it might be time for a sincere, pressure-free, heart-to-heart with your husband about what he truly needs and desires.