As individuals, we face so many struggles in life.
It doesn’t make life any less beautiful, though.
In fact, the struggles we go through make us appreciate the good people we have around us even more.
Relationships are for much more than just having a nice time with each other.
They also involve being there for each other when things get hard.
This is exactly what “a friend in need is a friend indeed” means.
Marriage is meant to be a beautiful partnership that reflects this ideal in its purest form.
Couples are meant to support and love each other, for better, for worse… and all the other words used in the marriage vows.
However, it is common knowledge that many men find it difficult to express their mental struggles openly.
This can be such a problem because how do you help someone who doesn’t even admit they need help?
Listen, I believe that this unnecessary macho act by men has to stop.
However, until it is stopped, how do you recognize it when your husband is struggling mentally but won’t say it?
There are some signs that indicate when a man is struggling mentally.
You need to be sensitive to recognize these signs and provide the support he desperately needs but never asked for.
Come along as we explore these signs together…
9 Signs Your Husband Is Struggling Mentally But Won’t Say It
1. His sleeping pattern changes
One time, I was extremely worried about several things happening in my life.
I spent so much time thinking about the issues, but seriously, I wasn’t making much headway on my own.
I got so worried that my sleeping pattern was affected.
One “fun” fact about me is that I love to sleep, and I can sleep through a storm.
One time, during my first year at the university, there was a midnight fire incident in a room just two doors away from mine.
Guess who slept through it all?
Yeah, guilty as charged.
I slept through the entire firefighting experience my hostel mates were going through, and in the morning, when I was told of the fire, I was angry at my roommates for not waking me.
I was angry until they told me how they tried to wake me up, but I didn’t respond to their efforts.
So, yeah, I slept through a fire incident, but this time, I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about something.
The first way to recognize that your husband struggles mentally when he isn’t opening up to you is to check his sleeping pattern.
In what way has his sleeping pattern changed?
When most men are struggling mentally, they usually experience insomnia.
They find it hard to sleep because even when they try to get some sleep, they can’t get their minds off what is troubling them.
This ends up keeping them awake for most of the night.
So, if you notice that your husband isn’t getting as much sleep as he used to, it could be a sign that he is struggling mentally.
Not to box you up, though.
There are a few exceptions, and some men sleep a lot when they are struggling mentally.
They treat sleep as an escape from their unending struggles.
So, if your husband is also sleeping excessively, you may want to pay attention to him, especially if he displays the next sign.
2. He is increasingly irritable
Angry bird!
I used to have this weird nickname for a female friend of mine.
She always acted angry or grumpy, but it was usually just an act.
She is one of the most fun-loving people I have met.
Well, in your husband’s case, it is not an act, but you can call him that name because it seems like anger has been his go-to emotion recently.
Really, it is not so surprising that men who struggle mentally are prone to outbursts of anger.
I mean, who wouldn’t be angry?
He is all stressed out, trying to figure out how to win the struggle in his head, and he gets angry over minor issues.
This could be a sign of many things, but when it is coupled with a distinct change in sleeping patterns, the odds are there is a battle going on within your husband.
He is struggling mentally, and his irritable behavior is just an outward manifestation of this struggle that he has no control over.
3. He withdraws from social activities
My brother has been facing a lot for quite some time.
It can be frustrating when it seems you are trying everything, but nothing is working.
You knock on doors, and none opens.
Well, during the Christmas festivities, he also came home for a visit, and one of the major changes I noticed was that my brother showed no inclination to go out.
This was quite surprising because he is an outgoing person and usually loves to go out.
But this time around, he chose to stay inside and withdraw from social activities.
It was a sign of his internal struggles.
He stayed indoors until other events made him step outside.
The point is that when a man is struggling mentally, he may withdraw from social activities.
He may withdraw from activities he once enjoyed.
So, if your husband suddenly switches from being outgoing and cheerful to that man who prefers to remain in solitude, it is a sign that your husband may be going through a lot without sharing with you.
4. His appetite changes
The common belief is that when people are troubled, they usually lose their appetite.
But the truth is that a loss in appetite is not guaranteed.
However, a change in appetite is guaranteed.
This means that he may display a distinct lack of appetite or, in some men, it may manifest in overeating.
When there are significant changes in your husband’s eating habits, it is a sign worthy of note.
If your husband suddenly starts skipping meals, making excuses about not having an appetite, and generally picking at his food even when he attempts to eat, it could be a sign that he is struggling mentally.
He just seems worried, and you can’t get him to talk about what is troubling him.
But you know something is wrong because no man will consistently skip meals for days without something being wrong.
However, the sign most women don’t pay attention to is when men overeat.
You know the way your husband normally eats, and suddenly, he seems to have developed an extra appetite for food.
Most women don’t think this is a red flag, but if it is accompanied by increased irritability and changes in sleep patterns, the odds are he is also struggling mentally.
5. He seems distracted
Everyone gets distracted occasionally.
I sometimes barely listen to the person talking to me because my mind is elsewhere, but these occasions are rare and far between.
Apart from the fact that many people don’t know how to truly listen to others, if your husband is easily distracted, it could be a sign that something is wrong.
If you find that recently, your husband seems to zone out during conversations, it could be a sign that he is struggling mentally.
I know how annoying this can be when it happens.
It usually feels like he is disinterested in what you are saying.
But you may need to consider that it is something deeper than disinterest if it also involves forgetfulness and inability to concentrate in other situations.
When a man struggles mentally, zoning out during conversations and being forgetful are typical signs of his mental struggles.
So, if your husband does this frequently, it is a sign that he is struggling mentally.
The next time he zones out or forgets something, gently ask him what is wrong instead of accusing him of nonchalance.
The truth is that this sudden forgetfulness and distraction have to be explained.
6. He takes alcohol and other substances
I have never supported the use of alcohol or drugs to forget the troubles around you.
Apart from the fact that it usually only worsens things, it seems like the coward’s way out.
But, hey, this is not an attempt at being judgemental.
I don’t know what you are going through, but I feel there are better ways to deal with it than taking these destructive substances.
The honest truth is that turning to alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism when having mental struggles is not surprising.
From as far back as history documents, people have been doing this.
So, if you notice that your husband has started drinking more frequently or using substances to escape, it is not the time to get angry and insult him for being irresponsible.
Yeah, he is being irresponsible but that’s beside the point.
Something is behind that destructive behavior; the best way to deal with it is to identify it.
Not just for the good of your relationship but for yourself.
When men imbibe too much alcohol and other drugs, they are not just putting themselves in danger.
They are also a danger to themselves and to you.
They need help even if they don’t ask for it.
If your husband is behaving this way, the chances are he is struggling mentally.
7. He avoids intimacy
A decline in physical and emotional intimacy is never a good sign in any marriage.
But when this happens, most women start thinking their husbands are no longer attracted to them or are even cheating.
While this may be true often, sometimes the reason may be a lot less sinister.
When a man is struggling mentally, he may experience a decreased desire for physical and emotional intimacy.
As a result of this, his marriage may suffer from a lack of intimacy.
A host of other troubles come with a lack of intimacy in marriage.
This is why happy and successful marriages are very focused on intimacy.
If your marriage is suffering a drought of intimacy and it is due to your husband’s refusal or avoidance of intimacy, you shouldn’t just conclude that he is no longer attracted to you.
Instead, reflect deeply on the other signs you are seeing.
Is he struggling to sleep?
Is there a distinct change in the way he eats?
Is he distracted?
Is he beginning to develop an affinity for alcohol?
If you are seeing these signs in him, your husband is most likely struggling mentally but doesn’t want to say it.
8. He seems indifferent
Emotional numbness is another sign to look out for in a man who is struggling mentally.
It is actually a common symptom of depression.
It feels like he is in another world and can’t feel anything else happening around him.
In this state, it is usually difficult to feel empathy.
This is because he feels disconnected from everything happening around him.
So, if your husband suddenly starts behaving indifferently, it could be a sign that he is not in a good place mentally, and his coping mechanism is utter numbness to things going on around him.
9. He has frequent headaches
Most times, our mental tussles can manifest as physical ailments.
There was a time when I was going through a whole lot of mental stress.
So much was going on around me, and I barely had a handle on my life.
During this period, I had excruciating headaches frequently.
On some days, I had them more than once a day.
This was because my brain was going through a lot of stress.
When your husband is struggling mentally, his inner struggles may manifest as headaches, chronic pain, or extreme tiredness.
So, if you notice that your husband seems to have headaches and chronic pains coupled with extreme tiredness, he could be struggling with his mental health.
I know it is hard to help someone who doesn’t ask for help but these signs are literally screams for help.
If your husband is exhibiting the signs above, he needs help but can’t ask for it.
So, what do you do?
Offer him the help he hasn’t asked for!
That’s what you will do.
Talk to him about what he is feeling, and let him know that you know he is struggling.
Also, let him know that you want to help him through whatever he is going through.
Encourage him to open up to you.
You should be patient and understanding.
Resist the urge to pass judgment.
Just listen and help him work through what is happening to him.
Mental struggles are complex and delicate matters.
You may feel like you are way above your head.
This is why there are therapists who specialize in these kinds of issues.
Don’t hesitate to engage the services of a trusted therapist to help you and your husband through this testing period.
You should also encourage activities that improve mental well-being, such as exercise, eating healthy food, and generally being mindful and positive about life.
This is a tough role to play, but with patience and determination, I am sure you will be able to return to enjoying your marriage again.
Dear men, please tell your wife about your struggles.
She deserves to know, and she won’t think less of you.
Everyone has their struggles in life.
So, seek help and drop the macho act!