There are things a husband does to his wife that scream, “I’d rather be somewhere else and not doing this marriage thing with you.”
Those actions are sometimes subtle, other times not so subtle, but when they’re there, you can’t deny their presence.
You see, marriage is a complex mix of many things, and as much as everyone wishes for a happily ever after in their marriage, not everyone achieves that.
Life happens.
One partner can wake up one day and begin to want something else.
Heartbreaking as it is, it happens.
But in my opinion, what’s even more heartbreaking is when the other person can’t tell when this is happening.
If your husband secretly wants another life without you, whether he wants out of the marriage or he wants to keep you and still have another life out there, eating his cake and having it, the least you can get out of that situation is awareness.
When you know what’s happening, you get to grasp what’s going on, face reality, and make your own decisions.
7 Signs Your Husband Secretly Wants Another Life Without You
1. He cheats
A husband cheating on his wife says many things, one of which is that he wants something beyond their marriage.
He has tasted of a particular life and now desires it over the one he has with you.
This is why infidelity hurts as much as it does.
Aside from the fact that it’s a breach of trust and sheer betrayal, the realization that the hurt person knows their partner’s mind is no longer just on them is a painful one.
He may not say verbally that he wants another life without you, but an action like cheating says everything that needs to be said.
He wants another life, maybe one with this chic he cheated with or one where he’s free to be with any and as many women as he desires.
Sometimes, it may not be outright cheating; it just might be some entanglement of some sort.
Maybe he’s emotionally connected to someone else, talking about another woman often or comparing you to her.
Or you see how his eyes light up or he seems more excited when texting or talking to certain people but not with you.
It hurts to know, I know.
But facing reality early is always best.
2. He tells his friends
Sometimes, all you need to do to know what a man really thinks is to speak with his close friends.
Men confide in their buddies, opening up and being vulnerable with them.
And if he has this secret desire, his friends are most likely going to know because he obviously won’t tell you that even if he tells you everything.
He might feel like his friends will understand him better or at least have some form of advice for him.
It doesn’t help that some friends are not great moral compasses themselves, and they’re huge enablers of negative behaviors.
If your husband has such friends, he might find solace in opening up to them about his secret desires.
And since he knows they’re not going to tell you and you’re not likely to ask, he believes his secrets are safe.
However, if you are familiar with these concepts, you can easily learn from them.
3. He randomly suggests separation
Your spouse’s random talk about or suggestion of separation or divorce can never be out of the blue.
It’s definitely coming from somewhere.
People can’t hide how they truly feel forever; one day, they’ll tell on themselves.
There is an adage in the Yoruba language that says a person’s mindset and behavior are like a vapor; it can’t be trapped or hidden for long.
If he does this and has displayed certain discouraging signs prior, then you know that something is definitely up.
You might want to look more closely.
4. He is always eager for you to go
If he secretly desires a life without you, then best believe he’s already fantasizing about it.
He’s already imagining the freedom he’ll get and how much he’ll explore.
And since he doesn’t have that in reality yet, the next best thing to that is the times you’re both apart.
So you’ll observe that he doesn’t want to spend time with you.
He’s uninterested in getting intimate or forming a close bond as a couple.
And not just that, he always anticipates your leaving because he wants to be by himself.
Personal space is important even in marriage, but when you begin to look forward to your partner’s absence all the time, something is fundamentally wrong.
It requires immediate attention and addressing.
5. He does things solo and secretly
If you’ve gotten to a point where you don’t really know what’s going on in your husband’s life again, you need to read this point slowly.
You see, life can be funny in a very non-humorous way sometimes, bringing the most unexpected things one’s way.
But your ability to face reality and do the best you can will save your sanity.
My colleague experienced something similar when her husband (now ex) started hiding things from her and living life as if he were single.
This man suddenly started locking his phone, changing passwords, turning his phone screen away from her, and taking calls in private.
Whenever she tried to ask, he’d become overly defensive, gaslighting and shutting her up.
It didn’t stop there; she also observed that he wasn’t making joint plans anymore.
He didn’t care about anniversaries, birthdays, vacations, and so on.
Even talking about their financial plans and long-term dreams became rocket science.
He was just uninterested in making any joint commitments.
At that point, she knew her marriage was hitting the rocks.
She tried talking to him and suggesting they get professional help, but he wasn’t cooperating.
He was long gone, and in due time, it manifested; he left her for another woman.
The signs never lie
A husband suddenly becoming self-absorbed, focusing solely on himself, and making decisions without considering his wife’s needs is a red flag.
6. He’s always traveling
People don’t necessarily travel all the time because they have many places to be.
Sometimes, they travel to escape their reality, especially if they have the financial means to do so.
But of course, they’ll always have a reason and a perfect explanation for their many trips.
I know a guy who is currently doing this; he just got married a few months back, but because he married for the woman’s money and not because he loved her, he felt trapped immediately after the wedding was over.
Now, he’s always traveling from one country to another under the guise of attending training for his career, but what he’s actually doing is running away from his home and going to meet the women who make him happy.
It’s a very sad situation.
A husband who actively seeks to spend more time away from his home is not happy in that home.
And because traveling requires money, it may not be the convenient way out for some men.
Such men may be physically present because they can’t afford to travel, but they are emotionally and mentally absent.
You may observe that your husband no longer shares his thoughts, feelings, or struggles with you.
Conversations with him now feel very forced and mechanical.
He doesn’t ask about your day or seem interested in your life.
Maybe he just doesn’t want to be there.
When your husband’s priorities begin to shift away from your marriage, he no longer makes an effort to make you happy; he stops celebrating special moments or remembering important dates and seems more invested in life outside the marriage than within it.
It could be one of two things.
He may be temporarily distracted and need to refocus, or he may no longer want the marriage.
He just wants to live the baby boy’s life, wild and free.
Whenever this is the case, it needs to be proven further.
7. He’s always getting mad
This is a classic tactic employed by men who wish to leave their wives.
They manufacture fights out of thin air.
Perhaps your husband has become more critical and irritable, always picking fights over small things or even acting annoyed by your presence.
Things about you that never used to bother him before are now serious bones of contention.
You almost can’t recognize the man you married anymore, as he now seems impatient, cold, and dismissive of you.
What makes this a subtle sign is the fact that when you try to make him see that he’s wrong, he flips it on you, making it seem like he has valid reasons to be angry.
Or maybe he has moved to the other end of the spectrum, becoming unresponsive and indifferent.
He’d rather ignore you and avoid the issues you both have than talk about it.
You think his complaining is bad until you meet the silent part of him that gives you the silent treatment or walks away when things get tough, acting as if your feelings don’t matter.
Neither of them is cute or nice to deal with.
It’s a beeping light telling you that your marriage needs an urgent check; it’s an emergency.
Although difficult, when you see any of these things, it’s important to act.
The best first step is to have an honest conversation.
The truth is that sometimes, emotional or external pressures can cause someone to withdraw or act strangely, but if they’re truly checked out, ignoring it won’t make things better.
You need to pay attention to patterns, trust your instincts, and decide what’s best for your well-being.
When a husband secretly wants another life without his wife, he may not come out and say it directly, but his actions and behavior will always sell him out.